


Caffeine

by ThursdayNight95



Series: Caffeine [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: (ive never even read a mystery book please dont hurt me), Androids, Angst, Awkwardness, Eventual Romance, Fear, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, Interspecies Relationship(s), M/M, Murder Mystery, Near Death Experiences, Suicidal Thoughts, Will Add More Later, i think? Lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 23:12:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 57,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14883029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThursdayNight95/pseuds/ThursdayNight95
Summary: Connor and Hank saved the life of Xavier, the man who got shot while being robbed. Connor checks up on him and likes to watch him make coffee.(im trying to figure out how to write connor. and that being said, there's so little connor x male oc so im trying my silly hand.)UPDATE: currently working on a rewrite of this





	1. Creepy

**Author's Note:**

> this was also posted on my tumblr

“This is the third time you just sat there and watched me work and didn’t order anything.” Xavier said. There wasn’t any malice in his voice, just a tone of very obvious discomfort. The pinch of his face and the way he moved only made it more obvious. And how often he kept looking back at Connor, expecting him to order something for fuck’s sake. And of course, when he said: “It’s real creepy.”

 

It’s not like Xavier hated androids. He worked with one before the revolution. And with revolutions come casualties. Danny was one of them.

 

“Oh.” Connor shifted his eyes away from Xavier’s hands– they’d been shaking from a mix of caffeine and nervousness. “I apologise. I just enjoy watching you work. If it makes you upset, I will leave. Though, considering my partner comes by around 10pm every night, I may be seeing you again.”

 

Xavier furrowed his brow. Bit his lip, turned his head, really unsure how to respond to that.

 

“Uh. Thanks? But I guess since you’re here anyway…” he ducked out into the employees only room. Connor processed this. He was either making a break for it to escape awkwardness or simply going to get something. The latter was much more likely, considering how he left off.

 

The coffee shop was small. Very small. Big windows with the word “CAFE” in big red letters. A small beige couch (second-hand, but refurbished) pushed against the wall with a coffee table (of course) in front with two mismatched armchairs around it. Small tables with only two chairs a piece hugged the wall. The lighting was warm. Perfectly cozy for the winter.

 

One of the tables still had crumbs from a danish a few hours ago. As soon as Connor had grabbed a napkin to clean it off, Xavier returned.

 

“Dunno if you want this back or not.”

 

It was the tie Connor had used to staunch the bleeding in his arm the night they met. It had been washed quite vigorously. It smelled fresh, but the bloodstain was still there. And the DNA, of course. But what would Connor do with this?

 

“I appreciate the effort you went through to clean this.” he said earnestly. “But it’s of no use to me. You would be better off disposing it, or burning it.”

 

“I feel weird throwing away someone else’s clothes.” Xavier said sheepishly. But he shrugged. Then his eyes– his eyes were a striking green– went wide for a moment and his brow furrowed again. “Do you have a closet of that same outfit?”

 

“I used to, when I worked for CyberLife.” Connor explained. He didn’t want to think much further about it. “Considering what happened, I only have two more suits like this. Anything else is store-bought.”

 

“Huh.” Xavier chuckled. Connor watched as he idly tried and failed to tie up the tie around his neck. Xavier grew aggravated and untied it and put it under the register. “So. You gonna buy something, or watch me drink my own coffee ‘till the end of my shift?”

 

“I’ll leave you to your business, Mr Spruce.”

 

Xavier was hesitant, but waved goodbye anyway. Sighed deeply as Connor left. Slouched in his seat and looked up at the ceiling.


	2. Cha-Ching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor buys something

"I've come here with the intention of buying something."

Xavier had a lot of caffeine. It seems he had more than he had last time Connor showed up. But Xavier chuckled and Connor's eyes widened and darted up to meet the barista's. But they were already looking away and over to the stack of to-go cups.

"A large cappuccino for Hank, right?"

"Yes." An awkward smile on his lips. Xavier only half caught it as he confirmed the order and began working his coffee magic. Connor took it all in. Humans were so * _interesting_ *. And this one-- right back to work after he nearly died. He seemed to enjoy his job, for the most part, though he could tell Xavier got quite annoyed at the brash, bossy customers who complained about anything they could.

It seemed like Xavier needed to cut down on the coffee for himself. Connor told him so, citing the dangers of caffeine addictions and what too much could do to him.

"That's the thing about addictions, Connor. Everyone has their vices. Mine's just one of the least worse ones."

"Compared to Red Ice, yes. But it can still land you back in the hospital either way. I suggest you drink more water and find a natural way to get your caffeine."

"Tell that to your pops, ordering a large cappuccino after sundown."

His pops. Connor blinked a few times. Slang for 'father'. He quietly accepted this, but didn't say anything about it.

"I told him several times, actually."

"Yeah? What's he say?"

"He rolls his eyes, says 'thanks, Connor', and uses the coffee maker in the kitchen." Connor leaned against the bar. Watched Xavier finish up the drink and handed it to him. "And how much do I pay you?"

Xavier shrugged. "Doesn't matter. You guys kinda earned Free Coffee for Life when you rushed me to the hospital." He smiled just enough to work up Connor's processors. "Enjoy, man. Or tell Hank to enjoy, at least."

"Isn't this technically stealing, Mr Spruce?"

"I'm giving you guys free coffee." A bit frustrated. He folded his arms and looked at Connor, but not at his eyes.

He was looking behind him. Connor threw a look behind his shoulder and met Xavier's green eyes.

Xavier's face started to flush and he quickly looked away.

"Just go, man."

Connor placed a $20 bill on the counter and power-walked out before Xavier could do anything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo wtf happens if an android drinks anything but thirium. will they short-circuit or what


	3. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xavier loses someone

He sipped the hot chocolate and pulled his hat further over his red ears. Fucking snow. It was embarrassing, seeing all these Detroit natives dressed in only a jacket, while he was wearing a very thick coat and a russian hat. He wanted to make it home as fast as possible-- get back into the heat, maybe be home before his brother got back.

But all that left his mind when there was caution tape around the block of his apartment.

The utter fear cut colder than the wind.

He quickly dialed Jacob, but it was hung up immediately. He swallowed hard and assessed the scene. Policemen or detectives or whoever the fuck were around the scene like ants. Police cars blocked the way. His apartment wasn't the one being investigated, luckily. However, Martha's was.

Was she hurt? Did the android she had snap? Was it gruesome? With eyes as wide as a fish, and nose and lips freezing, he stepped up to a police officer.

"Excuse me." He shivered. "What happened?"

"Android went crazy." one said, disgust in his voice. "Shoulda just destroyed them all, but no. One android learns to fucking sing and we have to just fucking deal with it."

He should've been angry at what the cop said, but he was too confused. Too scared.

"Did they hurt someone?"

"Yes. Murdered a 45 year old named Martha."

Xavier's hot chocolate spilled to his feet. Over his shoes. Melting the snow.

Martha, the one who stayed up with him and watched old movies. Martha, the one who sung so loudly in the shower Xavier could hear it from his living room, and sometimes even sung along.

And Riley killed her?

The other cop must've took him by the arm at some point and led him to a bench, and flagged someone over. He was too dizzy, everything was muffled.

A man sat next to him. A grief counselor, according to the police, but he couldn't even speak. He couldn't think. Tears were frozen to his cheeks.

+

Well, Connor did want to speak with Xavier outside of the cafe. But this wasn't how. Not when Xavier was crying and shaking, recounting in a broken, scared voice everything he could about Martha and her android.

It's not like he could easily comfort him. This was out of his league, despite how much he wanted to help. Clever words wouldn't be much use.

Hank learned a lot. Martha and Riley were in a domestic relationship. Riley was deviant before, and seemed to enjoy Martha's company. Xavier said they even came to his house at times to play board games. He had no idea what could've caused Riley to snap.

And it's not like Riley could be easily questioned. He shot himself. Because an open and shut case would just be too easy, right?

The only negative Martha had on record was theft back when she was 18. No abuse, no violence, nothing. So why did Riley kill her?

Connor could wait for them to gather Riley's body, then question it. But it never really sat right with him, and often they'd shut down again very quickly.

He sighed in annoyance and looked back over the evidence. But hearing Xavier's broken voice from behind the wall made him hurt, metaphorically. He left the room. Took a deep breath. And looked over at the folders.

+

"What the hell? You're back here?" Hank asked incredulously. "After all that shit?"

"Yeah." the bags under his eyes were heavy. According to Connor, he hadn't slept more than three hours in the past three days. Xavier was very far away mentally. The smoothness of his actions, the confidence, the joy and love-- violently interrupted. Shaking, unsure as he prepared a coffee Hank didn't even ask for.

"You should be resting. You'll be prone to passing out if you continue like this." Connor said firmly.

"I agree. Do you need a place to stay?" Hank asked.

Xavier shook his head. "I'm staying with my brother."

"Watch that hot water!" Connor called, just before it managed to get Xavier's hand. Xavier put down the kettle and took a deep breath, watching the scalding water drip to the floor. His heartrate picked up-- breathing fast, but trying to compose himself. A wave of emotions hit him. Really, he should have waited at least a few weeks before going back to work.

"Jesus, Xaiv. You're gonna get yourself killed. Where's your brother live? We're taking you home."

"We're staying at the motel." Tired. Chances were very high he was going to pass out. Connor helped him to the employee room to grab his things. "Wait, who's gonna run the shop?" he asked Connor, who was now pretty much his crutch. "I don't wanna lose my job..."

Connor didn't get to tell him that they would let his boss know, because as soon as he opened his mouth, Xavier fell unconscious.

+

His brother was pissed off. Nowhere near as kind as Xavier, and very hostile to Connor in particular. In a way, Connor understood. Hank said something under his breath, which turned into a full-blown argument. Connor waited on the couch next to the sleeping Xavier impatiently. The case still needed to be solved.  Yes, the deviant was caught (dead, but still caught), but the WHY was nagging him. What caused him to snap?

"And you!" Jacob shouted, firey eyes on Connor, who had maybe been staring at Xavier while scanning his vitals this whole time. "Get the fuck out! We don't need any more fucking crazy-ass androids fucking shit up!"

"I assure you, I mean no harm. Please make sure your brother gets the help and rest he needs." he got up quietly and made his way to Hank, eyes careful on the unconscious man. "I suggest keeping an eye on him."

"And I * _suggest_ * fucking off!" Jacob growled, shoved them out, then slammed the door.

"What a fucking asshole!" Hank hissed.

"I'm worried about Xavier, Hank." Connor said as their shoes crunched under the snow. "If he keeps this up, he may just end up with permanent damage."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the hell


	4. Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor and xavier chat

The next week went by, and Connor felt like he knew less than before. It annoyed him. Was it because he was concerned about Xavier? Why was it affecting him so much? Yes, he was highly interested in the amazing work Xavier did, and with how much finesse and joy he did it with. But did it really have to have a hold on him like this? This case was at a stand-still.

Then again, there were hundreds like it. This one only stood out because it was recent. And relevant to his interests.

He wanted to check on him again. How was his brother handling this? Was he caring for him in any way? Surely he would, right? His reactions to androids didn't equal his actions to humans, especially his brother.

The coin dropped to the ground with a sharp * _cling!_ *. Jesus, Connor, get a grip. He was just someone you helped a couple times. No need to get so wrapped up. You're a machine designed to--

No. Not anymore.

He held the coin tightly between his fingers, thinking hard. This case. Some more runaway androids.

He made his way to the evidence room.

+

It was snowing like hell today. Martha was dead. He couldn't keep the food Jacob gave him down. His head was pounding. Martha was dead.

He wanted to go to work. At least at work he could be distracted. But his boss wouldn't let him back for another week. Which meant a shitty paycheck. Of course, the tips he'd been given helped, but...

"Where are you going?" Jacob asked quietly.

"To the cafe."

"It's 7pm. And you heard that weird little android. You need to tone down the coffee."

"I'll get decaf. I just wanna do something. Go somewhere that isn't this shithole." Unfortunately that only applied to the motel, and not the entirety of Detroit.

"I'll come with you." Jacob began to put on his coat, but Xavier gave him an empty look.

"I wanna see if I'll see Connor again. Last time, I passed out." Oh, he forgot the thing he got for them. He shuffled to the drawer next to his bed and pulled out some leather bound journals (and a book to keep himself occupied). Good for detective stuff, he had guessed.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "How you even get near one of those things is beyond me. Especially after your friend got killed by a 'friendly' one."

Xavier bit his lip. His hands shook. He couldn't tell if it was fear of caffeine withdrawal.

"See you later."

"Call me when you need to be picked up." Jacob called, watching his big brother walk out into the snow.

+

"Xavier!"

Before he could register who it was (not that he needed to for the past few weeks), he was already being sat next to by an oddly energetic Connor. He closed his book.

"Hi." Xavier smiled a bit. Connor was warm. He wasn't in his RK800 suit, but in a regular one, with slacks instead of jeans.

"You're looking much better than last time. Excuse my tone," Connor cleared his throat and scooted back some. "I noticed your heart rate pick up considerably. And-- there it goes again."

Xavier adjusted his muffler and handed the journals to Connor, who seemed a little lost at first. How was he not cold? He only had a suit jacket on. Could he keep himself warm with his... android power? Was he wearing cologne? It must've been from hanging around Hank and the scent just stuck.

"What are these for?" Connor asked.

"For writing crime shit in." he fixed his gloves and his hat now. The goddamn wind was trying to take him for all he had. "They're journals. Really sturdy. One for you and one for Hank."

"That's very kind of you, Mr Spruce. Thank you, I'm sure we'll put it to use." he paused. "At least, I will."

"Mr Spruce... You called me Xavier just a few seconds ago."

Connor's LED turned yellow and spun a bit. He raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Yes. Yes I did. Anyway, I'm very glad to have caught up with you. Let's get somewhere warmer if we decide to keep chatting."

"Chatting? Uh, did you find out anything about my friends?" Why did he bring it up? It felt like a shot through the chest, and it was his own goddamn fault.

"Unfortunately, no. Our evidence is insufficient as of right now. Though, don't be let down, we have several others on this case."

Xavier didn't believe that for a moment. He wanted to say something, and Connor could tell. Anger seemed to flash through him like lightning. There one moment, gone the next. But going inside was a nice idea.

No one greeted them-- it was a mall, and people weren't really greeted there. There was heating in here, and it was already a thousand times better than outside. As Xavier shed his coat layers (he smelled just like the coffee shop, oddly enough), Connor asked

"Why were you in the snow like that?"

"I wanted to stop by the cafe, but I didn't wanna see the guy who took over my shifts." It was half the truth. He didn't go any further. Conner opened his mouth, tempted to press the question, but closed it again.

"You're not from Detroit."

"No shit," he finally got his last jacket off and stretched. Connor had been watching him remove at least four jackets-- Xavier had an almost violent way of taking them off that reminded Connor of Jacob. "I'm sure you have me on file. Where am I from?"

"From your accent, I'm going to guess Houston."

Xavier blinked several times and leaned back against the seat. "Accent? Do I sound like I'm a fish out of water? Still?"

"No, you blend in very well. A lot of Houstonians don't have accents most Texans are stereotyped to have. In fact, a lot of Texans don't. So what brought you here?"

"College and my boyfriend."

Conner tilted his head. If Xavier had a boyfriend, why was Xavier in such a bad way right now? Why was he not with him? Why would he be staying with his brother at a motel if he had a boyfriend?

"Well. Boyfriend at the time."

It was like Xavier could read his thoughts. But that was impossible, thoughts weren't easily read-- so maybe, just maybe, Connor had too big of a reaction.

"We broke up a year into college cuz of some bullshit. I just decided to stay and finish up college, but then I made friends, et cetera..."

"He wasn't good enough for you anyway. What did you major in?"

Xavier furrowed his brow. Shook his head with a tease of a smile on his lips. "Does it matter? I'm pretty damn boring. Most exciting thing about me is that I'm talking to you right now."

"You're more than you let on. And you smell delightfully of coffee."

"Yeah. Kinda sticks to you after a while."

Connor took a deep breath. He had not been breathing (or giving the illusion of breathing) the entire conversation. He had noticed tattoos along the slightly pulled up sleeves. Intriguing.

"What got you interested in coffee?"

"This really seems like an interview. All that's missing is the camera and guest audience." He did have a smile Connor liked to look at. But Xavier was very sensitive to Connor looking at him-- he turned away again and pretended to be very invested in the painkiller ad on the wall, smile now hidden behind a bitten lip and forced distraction.

"Oh." Connor said. He looked beyond the glass doors into the snow, then to Xavier. "My apologies. I don't know too much about you, but I would like to."

"... Why?" Xavier asked. "I'm no one special." he was preoccupied now, drumming his fingers on his knee, shifting positions and looking around.

"W-why?" Connor repeated. He wasn't sure why. Why was he so invested in this man again? It seemed like he didn't like the attention. The most logical choice would be to leave him alone. The second most logical choice would be to begin talking about the case. Nope. Not here. Not while he was as unstable right now as he was.

Xavier was stealing a look. Connor noticed, but didn't say anything and let him look for a moment before turning and looking him directly in the eye.

"Damn, dude, nothing gets by you."

"A lot has been, lately." Connor admitted. Good idea or not, he was shifting gears to the investigation. "I cannot figure out why Riley snapped. The evidence isn't there."

The human's heart rate picked up again. He picked up a lot of things-- fear. Anger. Grief.

"You're the world's best dectective--" his voice  shook in disbelief. "You saw the evidence. You saw her goddamn body--" he swallowed hard, green eyes welling with tears.

Shit. He knew that would happen, but he did it anyway. Why were his processors reacting so badly? It was very frustrating. And Xavier was trying to leave now, quickly pulling on his coats.

Connor helped him put on the last one, seeming lost.

"I was serious when I said we had several others on the case. Unfortunately, considering it was a murder suicide, meaning the perpatrator is already dead, it's likely the case will go cold."

Xavier swallowed hard. Looked off, outside.

"But I'll continue to help you, Xavier. Closure will help you a lot, mentally."

"Do... you have any theories why he would do it?" his voice was shaking like a leaf.

"Most deviants were being abused before they snapped. However, judging from the android's body, that was not the case. Which leads me to believe this was some sort of severe malfunction."

Xavier said nothing. Of course he wasn't satisfied with that response. The man wanted real answers. And Connor so desperately wished he could give them. But he couldn't right now.

Why were they back outside? It seemed like Xavier just wanted to leave, but he was holding himself back. He just stood by the mall entrance, looking at the ground.

"Do you need a ride back home?"

"No. We live within walking distance."

"So... why were you walking around when you saw me?"

"Well, I was hoping to speak with you. I figured calling you on your mobile phone would upset you, considering you didn't give it to me personally."

"You... can call me if you want. And if it'll help the case at all, you know, feel free." he opened up the leather journal he'd given Connor and wrote his cell number in the corner of the last page. "There."

"Can I call for personal matters as well, Xavier?" He didn't need Xavier's number written down, it was in his database already. Still, this was... Nice.

Xavier hesitated, looked at Connor, fixed his muffler.

"Yeah." There was a small smile on his face. Connor only wished Xavier didn't move his muffler up to hide it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im totally gonna need to read some Noir novels or something to learn to write detective shit lol


	5. Tie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor teaches xavier to tie a tie

The sun was out today. The caution tape around the apartment was gone, and Jacob almost tripped over himself getting out of the motel.

Xavier still didn't want to be next door to so much death. His chest was tight. His feet were rooted to the ground where he'd asked the police what happened. It was like there was an invisible wall he just couldn't breach. Jacob tried to pull him over, but noticed how much he was shaking.

"I can't. You can go make sure everything's fine in there. I'm..." he didn't know what he was going to do. He wanted to be at work. He wanted Martha back alive. He wanted Connor to call him. But, to be fair, he didn't expect Connor to call him. Connor was a busy man. Unlike Xavier. "I'm leaving."

"You need to shower. You stink, man." Jacob said.

He probably did stink. Not too bad considering he used the shitty shower at the motel last night. But...

He just couldn't move.

Martha was having a closed casket funeral.

Today was the day they, including Riley, were supposed to go to the karaoke bar for the first time. Or course, Martha had been hesitant to even talk about going anywhere at night after he almost got robbed and bled out.

"I'll shower at the gym."

"You think they'll let you in when you look like that?" Jacob motioned to Xavier's disheveled appearance. "And you need clothes."

"Grab me some, then." he sat at the bench. Jacob folded his arms.

"Don't be a pussy. C'mon. You gotta go inside sometime. Not like she died in your place."

His mouth was dry.

"Shit. Sorry. I'll get your clothes, alright?"

Xavier saw the gym a few times in the year. Mostly in January and June. Though he had genuinely planned to go after his failed attempt at defending himself a month ago, he never went through with it. It's not like he ate well enough to survive the gym trip anyway.

He made his way straight to the shower, not bothering to wave or really say anything. His hands were shaking like someone on drugs. He was surprised he hadn't been tested for drugs the moment a policeman saw him.

Whatever. He was clean. He washed his hair. Applied deodorant. And found the coffee maker.

God. He wanted to go back to fucking work. He wasn't dying anymore, and surely the person who had to fill his shifts (Dave) would be more than happy not to work the dreaded night shift.

÷

Connor should have been surprised to see Xavier at the cafe. Trying again to tie the bloodied tie, but failing.

"Good evening. Do you need help, Xavier?"

Xavier almost jumped out of his skin. But his face softened as he realised it was just Connor.

"Uh... I'm just messin' around with it. I don't usually wear ties or nothin'. Just the fancy shirt and jacket, you know?" he had approximately 40oz of coffee in the last hour. His heart beat was wild, hands even worse than before.

"I'm curious why you kept it." Connor said of the tie.

"It gives me a distraction."

Connor undid his tie. "Put your tie around flat, like so." he held out the ends. Xavier did so, entirely down for a tutorial. "This is the simplest way to tie a tie. Make sure the back of the tie is away from you."

Xavier did so, but was very uncertain about this suddenly. Embarrassed.

"Move the wide end to the left. And the small end over to the right." Connor said. He was standing awfully close to the counter, watching Xavier's hands and sometimes his face (which was teemed with worry lately).

"Okay. Now what."

"Move this," he said of the wide end. "across the smaller side, and around."

"You probably think I'm an idiot, right?" Xavier's voice was soft in a way Connor had a hard time processing.

"No. Everyone has different skills. And you said you would like a distraction." he tilted his head. "Would you prefer we stopped?"

"N-No. I didn't say that." His tie was not going to be the best looking of ties, but it was a start.

"Pull the wide end through the loop, and adjust to your liking." Connor concluded. Xavier was upset about the contrast of the two ties, but there was a sense of pride tingling in the back of his head. "You look very good in a tie, Xavier. It would look much better if it didn't have your blood on it."

Xavier's face turned red and he fidgeted with his newly tied tie, not able to look in Connor's direction anymore. And the mechanisms in Connor's chest seemed to be working over time, trying to pick up with the sudden emotions he was having. Frustrating.

"Maybe I'll buy a new one soon."

"I have a few I can give you. Would you like them?"

"I've wasted your time enough, I don't need your clothes on top of that." Xavier chuckled.

"Okay." Connor nodded. "I have another question."

"Shoot."

"There's nothing for me to shoot, Xavier." And that did not get the intended response of laughter at first. Just a confused look. The furrowed brow relaxed into a small smile and a light laugh. "Your shirt you were wearing at the mall leads me to believe you like hockey. Would you like to watch hockey together? The Detroit Red Wings will be against the Florida Panthers tomorrow night." He paused. "But you may be working at that time."

Xavier's eyes were wide and he was very quickly embarrassed. "If you feel like wasting your time crowded around a tiny tablet screen, sure."

"It would not be a waste of time. I would like to know you better." He smiled some.

"Bless your heart, Connor. I'd tell you to come back again tomorrow, but you'd do it regardless."

"That is correct."


	6. Embarrassed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor suggests breakfast

"A date, huh?" Hank chuckled. "Well, ain't that cute."

"I-it's not a date. I'm simply getting to know him better." his processors were working in overdrive at the moment. A date means, according to his data, candlelit dinners and romantic or even sexual intentions. Which was not what he was going for. "We're going to watch hockey together, nothing more."

"Did you decide that before or after you stared at him for three hours when you were said you were getting me coffee?" Hank chuckled. "Wanna know a secret to falling in love?"

"Love? Androids can't..." those Tracis at the Eden Club. Markus and North. Countless others. But those were all androids. Androids couldn't truly love a human, and it would be a waste of processing power trying to think otherwise. "I don't believe I'm in love. Love requires time, and extensive knowledge of your partner."

"Your LED's red, Connor."

"You're... Flustering me. I simply like him. I like to watch him work. It upsets me greatly to see him so hurt about his friend. So I'm going to distract him. And hopefully pick up clues while I'm there."

Hank still had an amused smile on his face. It turned to confusion as Connor began to dial and leave the room.

"Hello, Xavier?"

"Oh, hi. I didn't expect you to call. Especially so early. Thought you'd be at work." He sounded very nice. It sounded like he'd just woken up at least 20 minutes ago.

"I'm always working." Connor said. Hank wandered in and watched the android try to make conversation with the barista. "Have you had breakfast?" ... Connor tilted his head. "Well, it's very important you eat in the mornings. ... I see. Would you feel more inclined to eat if you had company?"

Jesus, this bot seemed to have it down.

"No, I cannot eat. ... I see. Yes. Yes. Okay. I will drive you to the diner."

Hank could hear Xavier shout 'Nonononono!' from the small speaker.

"No?" Connor leaned back on the couch and idly rolled his coin across his fingers. "You're being very confusing. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding."

"Maybe a bit too forward and awkward." Hank called.

Connor looked up at him, then back down as he listened to Xavier.

"Am I too forward?" he asked Xavier.

Silence.

"I can see how that would make you uncomfortable, but I sit with the lieutenant during his breakfast as well in the mornings."

Then Connor smiled.

"Okay. I will pick you up." Then he hung up without saying goodbye, which led Hank to snicker.

"Two dates in one day? I'm kinda jealous."

"They're not dates. He said he's had trouble keeping his food down after he eats because he gets wrapped up in this thoughts and gets severe bouts of anxiety and grief. I figured if he had someone near with him, he would be able to digest easier."

"Alright. Well, tell me how it goes, alright? And don't stain my interior, alright?"

"We aren't eating in the car."

+

The bags under his eyes were really upsetting to see. His regret of only bringing a single bulky jacket-- he was cold. Considering Connor only wore jackets for show, he shed his own and handed it to Xavier, who stopped mid-greeting to blink a few times.

"It's alright, man." he said as he got into the car. He seemed to have expected it to be heated. Which Connor didn't think about until Xavier sat down and continued to shiver. "The-- the diner isn't far."

Connor turned on the heater, apologising. And wanting Xavier to take his jacket and wear it. He couldn't find a logical reason to want to see that. It was just like how Connor liked seeing Xavier in a tie, or smiling. Or even just in the car with him. That happiness was fleeting, though. He knew Xavier would be dunked back into despair as soon as Connor was out of sight. Not that Connor was the ultimate joy-bringer. It was just that humans pretended to feel happier around others, then shed that mask as soon as they got home.

But Xavier stole looks as Connor drove. He seemed surprised-- he didn't take Connor to be a driver. But there he was. Freezing his passenger to death. How could he forget to turn the heater on?

"I apologise once again, Xavier. Really. It must have slipped my mind. I've been thinking a lot lately."

"I sure hope the detective android is thinking a lot." There was that small smile. Goodness. Connor couldn't help but return it with sincerity. And his heart-- wow, it was pumping. "What about?"

He was embarrassed. "H-Hank keeps calling this a date, when it's simply me getting to know you. I did not approach you with romantic or sexual intent. I hope I haven't 'lead you on'." His LED was blinking yellow. "And I hope we can continue to get to know one another. Because I would genuinely enjoy knowing you better." Was he babbling? He shut his mouth and focused on the road, trying to get his heart rate to regulate.

"To me it's just breakfast." Xavier fiddled with the heater and-- he was putting on the jacket! "Breakfast with a cute guy, but still breakfast." he looked at Connor, whose grip on the steering wheel was machine-tight. That yellow LED still spinning. "It's a nice distraction. Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'IT'S NOT A DATE DAD'


	7. The "Date"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they go to the diner

This was much more food than he usually ate in the mornings. Pancakes, eggs, bacon, hasbrowns, and some coffee, with a glass of water to wash it all down with.

"If you don't eat, you'll die."

Xavier blinked. "No shit. But I-- I really can't eat all this. I'll throw it up."

"Just eat what you can."

The human sighed in defeat and began to eat. He looked at Connor often, eyes squinted, thinking, thinking hard. He was trying to find Connor's motive. And Connor did do things other than watch him eat, as he said he would. He took out the journal-- which already had about 10 pages filled-- and began to look through his notes.

"I didn't really think about it when I bought it for you." Xavier admitted, dabbing the napkin on his lips, then idly pushing the 3/4ths of the soaked pancake around. "You don't really need a journal, considering you store all that stuff in your head, right?"

"Right." Connor nodded. "But it's very nice. It would be a shame for it to go to waste."

Xavier peeked over to look at what could have possibly been written. But what caught his eye first was the handwriting.

"Oh wow. That's cool." he gasped. "I wish my handwriting was that neat."

"It's the default for my model." Connor turned the page and began writing. Something simple. 'Xavier likes my handwriting.' "Can I see yours?"

"Yeah. Gonna look like chicken scratch compared to yours." He moved his rapidly cooling plates of food away and took the pen. He seemed shocked at how warm it had been from Connor's grip. Then he tugged at the jacket Connor let him use with his lip between his teeth.

'I sure do' was written in much messier handwriting.

Connor's breathing regulators seemed to be malfunctioning.

* _Machines don't feel anything._ * he thought to himself. * _A machine and a human are not good matches. The human will die sooner, and can't be brought back._ * His mind went to Hank.

"Hey. You alright? Your little light's yellow."

Connor blinked a few times.

"I'm just thinking. And if you don't finish your meal, please finish the water."

* _I am not a machine anymore. I'm..._ * he adjusted his tie. Xavier watched him carefully, sipping his water. * _I am still a machine. But a deviant one. Only a deviant or a domestic model would spend so much time around a human this way._ *

Xavier jumped as Connor rested his elbow against the fake wood table. Connor wanted to relax him in that moment, to just put his hand over this jumpy man's heart.

"O-oh, I'm sorry, Xavier. I didn't mean to scare you." Connor said.

"I've been jumping at shadows lately." Xavier admitted sheepishly. "The... The whole Martha and Riley thing, you know. I just..."

He was going to throw up the few forkfulls of breakfast he had. Connor quickly led him to the bathroom.

"I'll get you a sports drink. It replenishes electrolytes and hydrates you."

How fucking embarrassing. Xavier got up as Connor left and wiped his mouth with some toilet paper. His limbs were shaking hard. What a goddamn idiot! He rinsed his mouth out and washed his hands.

Looked at himself in the mirror. Thought about the $20 of food he'd wasted. Tried not to think about Martha. But... what could have caused Riley to fucking snap?

He almost jumped out of his skin again once Connor knocked on the door.

"I'll be outside, Xa--"

Xavier left the bathroom and cracked open the drink, not able to look the android in the eye. Though the android had no problem looking at him. Probably scanning him or something. Hopefully not planning on fucking murdering him for no damn reason.

"I've already paid and left a tip, so don't worry about that."

Fuck. "You just love wasting your money, don't you?"

"Statistically speaking, I would earn more money as a policeman and investigator than you do as a barista. I don't feel good setting you back so much." he paused and admitted, ignoring Xavier's glare, "And I planned to pay for it anyway. I dragged you out here knowing full well you would likely throw up. I... don't know why I did that."

"Hm." Xavier finished most of the sports drink in one swig, like how Hank does with his beer. "You were trying to be nice. Are... Are we still on for hockey?"

Xavier just realised he still had Connor's suit jacket on, and Connor was left in his tie and dress shirt (and pants and shoes of course). Jesus Christ, this bot was gonna kill him. Especially with that small smile and how Connor fixed said tie.

"If you still want to. I would enjoy it, but you seem understandably very conflicted.

"I wanna." Xavier smiled back some. He went to ask for some boxes, offering the leftovers to Connor to give to Hank, then, when turned down, decided he could keep them for Jacob.

But Jacob is at the apartment.

"Where are you staying?" Connor asked once in the car. "You seemed far from your apartment when I picked you up."

"Heh. I can't go back in there." Xavier ran his fingers through his hair. "Not yet. I'm waay too pussy."

Connor tilted his head and furrowed his brow. Started the car and ran the heater.

"Well. If you need a place to stay, mine and Hank's house is open. We also have a big dog. He's very sweet, and I think he would like you a lot."

Damn he sounded so fucking cute when he was explaining things.

"How would Hank feel about letting an idiot like me over to your house?"

Connor thought about this.

"Idiot or not, I... I'm not sure."

"It's alright. Could you drop me off at the mall, then?"

Connor nodded. It seemed like he wanted to say something about something, but couldn't find a good way to put it.

As Connor pulled into the mall parking lot, he paused.

"So... do you like Jazz music?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor thinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh, wow! thanks for all the kudos and comments and bookmarks! really! im overwhelmed! i was really just writing this to practice writing connor and xavier. i still am, obviously, so it's gonna be wonky still...
> 
> but thank you so much for your support!! i didn't think it'd get more than 10 kudos!! i hope i dont let you guys down!
> 
> anyway, on to the chapter!

****

"So how'd it go?" Hank asked, a smile on his face.

"He threw up."

"You didn't lick any blood, did you?" Hank snorted.

"No." Connor said, sitting at the table  "And he can't go in his apartment-- he said he's too..  'pussy.'"

Hank couldn't help but laugh. Not at Xavier, of course.

"Well." the lieutenant said seriously. "His friend was killed right next door. I really don't blame the guy."

"I offered to bring him back here, but he declined. I think I'm making him uncomfortable." he opened his journal to the page Xavier had written on. Such unique handwriting. And a drawing that portrayed a simple, smiling face. "The opposite of what I wanted..."

"Well you two are still watching hockey, huh? Just don't bring up the case at all. Or, if he really ain't interested, don't push him."

"He looks at me a lot." Connor said off-handedly. "I wonder what he thinks of me."

"He probably thinks you're a huge dork." Hank sat down on the couch next to him and relaxed. "What do you think of him?"

"He's very kind and charming. He looks at me often, and I like it. He can't look me in the eye, though. So either he's hiding something, or he's shy."

"My money's on he's shy." Hank shrugged.

But it was time to head to the office and do some actual work.

-

It was odd that Xavier kept that tie. One would think a reminder of the time he almost died would be tossed aside immediately. It was unpleasant.

He had been stabbed in the arm. A deep, deep cut. In the dead of night in the alley near the cafe. Breath shallow, cold skin. Pounding heart.

The suspect got away with Xavier's credit card.

Connor felt like he needed to check on Xavier in the hospital. He knew he worked here, Hank came here often (Connor didn't usually join. Hank was in and out in less than five minutes). The detective programming in him wanted a recount of the scene from the victim's point of view. The deviant side just wanted to check on him. Was that really deviant, though?

Either way, they greeted Xavier at the hospital.  He looked much better with the life back in his eyes. And that smile-- goodness. For a moment, Connor forgot the excuse he came up with in the first place.

Hank greeted him first with a, 'hey, how you holdin' up, buddy?'

Xavier's voice was understandably very tired, but goodness it sounded very pleasant. He said he was fine. He was happy to be alive. Hank smiled.

Connor filled the momentary silence with a greeting.

'Good afternoon, Mr Spruce. I'm Connor, Lieutenant Anderson's partner in the police force.'

Xavier lifted his eyes and met Connor's. Only for a moment before his heart monitor began to beep like wild. Which only embarrassed Xavier further. He introduced himself as 'Xavier. The guy who almost died in an alley.' It had made Hank laugh, at least.  
  


Connor rolled his coin along his fingers. Thinking. About what? All the work he had? Yes, partly. And 'partly' wasn't good enough. It wasn't efficient to think about non-case-related things at work of all places. So he went to his desk and began looking through his files. But Xavier-- no. No. Focus on your job, you goddamn deviant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is connor really still upset about the whole deviant thing after all that


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jacob, texts, and the start of the hockey stuff

"You're not coming inside? Really?" Jacob folded his arms. "You're gonna freeze to death."

The coffee in his hands warmed him up some. The layers of jacket did as well. But his face hurt. His throat ached. He wanted to go inside the house and sleep in his own bed. But there was a wall blocking him, one he couldn't push through. Fear had him in a death grip.

"Just imagine your Ken doll is in here." Jacob motioned to the door.

"Ken doll...?"

Jacob rolled his eyes and opened the apartment door, letting in all the snow and cold-ass air. But goodness, he could feel the warmth of the heater.

"Where'd you sleep last night?" he asked, slowly taking Xavier's arm and trying to herd him into the room.

"My car."

"Dumbass."

Xavier didn't move. His eyes were locked onto her door. She was so, so happy Xavier survived that night. God, she was always so positive, wasn't she?

The nights he'd hear her watching game shows and infomercials would be a deafening silence. People were coming to get her things soon.

His brother continued his attempt to pull him into the house, but all he did was stumble and hold himself against the doorway. Wow, it was warm.

"That plastic puppet gave you his jacket? How cute." Jacob muttered.

Oh. Shit. He only half acknowledged this, mind more consumed by the reality of what would happen next door.

"C'mon. Take that off."

"... Why?"

"Because you're wearing an android's jacket and that's real fucking weird?"

Did it need dry cleaning? In an effort to distract himself, he pulled out his phone and texted Connor. He wasn't even sure if Connor would respond.

'yo i accidentally stole ur jacket. sorry. how do i clean it? i dont wanna mess up the led stuff.'

Jacob took the time to yank Xavier through the door. His phone clattered to the ground. This felt like ground zero. He couldn't catch his breath. Dear fucking god. Where was the doorknob? It was hard to see through the tears.

The world was spinning. His feet were glued to the floor, but his knees were weak. Jacob was saying something, but it's not like he could hear it.

-

'Fine. Go cry to your robot boyfriend about how mean i am. Didnt know youd turn into such a huge pussy when i got back.'

Why was he being so cruel? It was like he didn't want to understand. And he kept bringing up Connor like they were together. It would've been cute banter if Connor was human.

Connor's message was written much nicer.

'Hello, this is Connor. I am aware you have my jacket. I will take care of any cleaning it needs after I retrieve it after our hockey watching session. If you would still like to do that together, that is. -Connor'

Before he could respond, another text message came in. Not from Connor, though. So Xavier didn't bother. He stood near the gas station coffee machine, phone face down. Warming his hands with coffee so hot it was a lawsuit waiting to happen. This gas station coffee sucked. It always did. Burnt beans. All the fucking time.

He found his way to the chairs and tables and sat down. Trying to relax.

"You're an android?" someone asked.

Jesus, he didn't even get a second to think.

"No." he said hoarsely.

"Thank god." The person sighed. Peeked around. Leaned against Xavier's table. "I still don't trust a single one of them." she whispered. "Did you hear about the one that went crazy at the apartments down there? For no reason! It's so dangerous..." She seemed geniunely worried.

"Go away." Xavier said firmly. "I want to be alone." he was sitting at the furthest, most solitary table he could find for a reason.

She left, like she was offended someone didn't want to listen to her specism and Xavier was free to stare at his hands for a while. Until he remembered Connor texted him an hour and a half ago.

He couldn't help but smile as he reread it. Something was blooming in his chest, and Xavier hated it. But this smile was still a smile, and he wasn't about to stop.

'yea i still wanna watch hockey with u. ur not busy with detective stuff?'

Connor's reply was almost instant. But he * _was_ * an android, this stuff was probably programmed into him.

'I'm glad to hear that. And as I've said, I am always working, even when I'm out of the office. Spending time with you will not make that statement any less true. But it does make it more enjoyable. -Connor'

Xavier groaned and covered his red face. Seriously, the most sophisticated prototype CyberLife ever created-- an android who freed thousands of androids  during the revolution with Markus-- why was he so interested in Xavier? Hank, he could understand. They had to work together. But Xavier? Why?

-

He showed up thirty minutes before the game started, saying he was unsure how early was too early for something like this. He... He was wearing a pink shirt with a deep red tie, dark slacks, and a black coat. It was a very interesting choice of clothes. In fact, the tie matched the color of Xavier's face.

"I also brought some vegetables for you to snack on while we watch." he showed a portion of carrots in a ziplock bag.

"That was nice of you." Xavier said weakly. "Uh, I like your outfit! I-it's nice."

"Thank you." Connor smiled slightly. "Hank said I should wear some different clothes if I wanted to impress you. Was he correct?"

Then he winked.

Jeus Christ, that lady was right. This android * _was_ * out to kill him.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love connor ;;


	10. Ruined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> their date gets ruined

"Have you ever played hockey?" Connor asked, looking away from the tablet to look at Xavier. His heart had finally slowed down some-- Connor was beginning to worry Xavier would pass out, to be honest.

"No. Used to play football in high school for a while, though." he said. "People would make fun of me for liking hockey. No one really played it down there."

Connor nodded. The human smelled like coffee, as usual. And he looked very nice. Also as usual. For some reason Connor couldn't come up with a response. He had one loaded, but it was like it had been deleted as soon as he looked at the guy. He hated it. Machines weren't programmed to feel this. Not his model. He tightened his tie and rested his hand on his chin, looking at Xavier-- noticing the signs of a cold coming on-- then at the tablet screen.

"Do you like sports? I feel like you'd like golf." Xavier grinned.

"Not in particular, no. But knowing who won and who lost are very good conversation starters."

Xavier snorted. "Can you, like, predict who's gonna win?"

"As much as any human can. I'm a detective, not a fortune teller."

Xavier was still smiling as he looked back at the screen. He'd had 90oz of coffee today and hardly any substance other than the few carrots he'd eaten.

"You should drink some water and sports drinks." Connor said. "The caffeine can and will dehydrate you. I would hate to see you in the hospital again. And it seems like you're getting a cold as well."

Xavier blinked several times. Furrowed his eyebrows. Looked in Connor's general direction. Xavier did not like this conversation.

"I appreciate it, man. But I thought you were a detective, not a doctor/dietitian." he said dully.

"Well... You're right." Connor cleared his throat. Rubbed his hands together. Goodness, Xavier was upset. This was... Not what he wanted. "I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries. I'm not used to... to this." he admitted, rubbing his neck.

"This?" Xavier repeated, motioning to the tablet on the small table, then to the both of them. "Don't you live with Hank?"

"I do. But I have never felt so... Uncertain? No, no, that's not the right word." Embarrassment was a very big, strong emotion and Connor didn't want to feel it any longer. "I don't want to mess up our acquaintanceship. I like your company. A lot! And- and- and I..." Oh jesus. His circuits were frying. He needed to make up an excuse to leave. What was a good one?

"It's alright. You just caught me at a really hard time." Xavier's voice was soft. Soft enough to turn Connor's LED from a circling red to a stable yellow. "It's real nice you're worried about me. It would be a lot easier if my friend wasn't killed. But she's dead. And I have to deal with it." He leaned back in his seat and looked at Connor, who was looking back at him.

"You don't have to deal with it alone. Have you been speaking with your grief counselor?"

"Yes." Xavier was lying. But Connor didn't press it, he was making a terrible impression already. And Xavier was looking at Connors hands a lot. But Connor's hands were fine. Clean. They had their skin. Nothing weird about them.

* _He wants to hold my hand...?_ *

Connor looked back at the screen. The Red Wings were winning, much to Xavier's joy. Xavier's right hand was idling with the napkins. His left was resting on the edge of the table. Away from his phone-- which was uncommon for most, it seemed. Maybe he was reading this wrong.

Was he being strange? Connor's hand was moving regardless. Moving to touch Xavier's. What would happen afterward? Would he be angry? Weirded out? He would certainly be weirded out. Connor put his hands in his lap.

Then someone came into the shop. Unfortunately, it wasn't Hank. It was a human.

"Evenin'," Xavier got up. Stretched.

The human tossed a look at Connor, who waved.

"What can I get for ya, sir?" Xavier tied his apron back up and went behind the register.

"Coffee. Black." the human grumbled. Then whispered: "You know that guy's an android, right?"

Xavier gave him a dull look. "What made it obvious? The LED?"

Connor got up- startled the man on accident- and watched Xavier work. Crushing the coffee beans. Putting it in a filter. Then putting it in a to-go cup and pouring hot water over it. Certainly not as lavish as when he made espresso or lattes, but it was still nice to watch him.

He had very nice hands, actually. Even though it was simple work, they flourished with ease and love for what they did.

When did he fall in love with coffee, and why is he killing himself with it?

"Buddy, gonna need you to stop glaring at my friend." Xavier said to the man. Oh. He was being glared at? Connor met the human's furious eyes and tilted his head.

"Revolution or not, all they are is fucking nuts and bolts." he muttered. "Fuckin' androids."

"Yeahh... You can go ahead and leave, dude." Xavier finished up preparing the coffee-- set aside the filter, and began mixing milk and sugar into the coffee. Ooh. Defiance.

"What the fuck are you doing? I said black coffee."

"Yeah. Go tell the guys at the gas station. I'm not serving you." he sipped the coffee (likely burning his mouth some) and pointed at the door.

"Not serv-- What the fuck??" The man was furious. Connor made sure to ready himself for any altercations that may occur.

"Yeah. Get out. Door's right over there. Really, it's a small store."

The man turned around, shoved Connor, and glared at Xavier. Who was fuming.

"Don't fuckin' shove him! He didn't do shit to you!" he made his way from behind the bar, stalking towards the man, fist pulled back. Connor quickly interviened before anything could get too dangerous.

"You really wanna lose your job over a fucking hunk of shitty plastic, boy??"

"Sir, I'm going to need you to leave, please." Connor said cooly, finally able to move Xavier out of the man's line of sight. "We don't need to get police involved."

"Fuck you." He spat. It was on Connor's sleeve and collar. And then the man left, nearly shattering the glass of the door.

Connor carefully sat Xavier down, pushing the hair from his eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm not the one who got yelled at for fucking existing. You tell me!" he panted. The fight mode was fading, the exhaustion was setting in.

"Well..." he wasn't sure what to say to that. Xavier's eyes went to Connor's sleeve. His face fell, eyes welled up with tears. "What's wrong?"

"He spat on you. That's not right."

Connor sighed but gave him a hopeful look. "I'll be fine. I..." he didn't have a spare shirt. "Will watching the hockey game make you feel better?" He found himself holding Xavier's arms. They were warm. He'd lost weight, though, within the last month Connor had seen him. That was worrying.

"Connor..."

Why was he feeling like this? Xavier was absently taking his hand and holding it. Squeezing it. It felt like he was doing it to Connor's heart.

"Do you ever fight back?"

"When my life or the lives of others are involved, yes." his LED flashed yellow. "But violence in the face of cruel ignorance doesn't suit me. I prefer more diplomatic approaches." he chuckled.

"You're a better man than I am." Xavier scoffed. "We have some spare shirts in the back. I'll go get one for you." Connor helped him up and made sure he was steady.

Xavier would really fight for him?

Why?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor talks to hank, sees xavier

"Wow, you really hit it off, huh?" Hank grinned and patted a very confused Connor on the back.

"Hit... what off?"

"C'mon." Hank winked. "I'm proud of ya. Where's your other shirt?"

"It's in the washing machine." Connor said awkwardly, slipping his RK800 jacket on a hanger for the dry cleaning tomorrow. "My original shirt was spat on by a human. Xavier let me wear a temporary shirt until I was able to get back."

Hank snapped his fingers. He seemed a little... disappointed?

"Spat on? What asshole spits on someone?"

"Don't worry about it." Connor changed into a clean shirt and put Xavier's shirt in the washer.  His hands weren't as soft as he had expected, but men don't usually have soft hands. They were rough. Had a strong grip. And for a while, he felt stuck as he replayed the entire event in his head. "Hank, I have a question."

"Go ahead. But if it's about Martha, I can't answer."

"No. It's about... Feelings. Why would we be programmed to feel like this? Fear is necessary  for survival. So is anger. And joy. But love and affection... is concocted to make humans choose a life partner, to reproduce. Androids don't need that. It's a distraction."

"Well, Connor. Guess you're gonna have to figure that out on your own. Most of us humans don't even know why we love." Hank sighed. "You love 'im?"

"No. Of course not." Connor said quickly. "But... He held my hands. And part of me wanted to stay like that for a while with him. He... He tried to fight for me. Why would he do that?"

Hank was beaming. "He seems like a nice guy. Tell 'im next time, we can watch some games over here, alright? That way you won't get spat on, your boyfriend won't get beat up, and we can get him to eat some food."

Sumo barked.

"See? Sumo likes the idea."

So did Connor.  
  


Unfortunately, the both of them would be busy the next three days. Chasing criminals in every sense of the word. Taking them in, interrogating them.

And while his focus was always the task at hand, he found himself thinking much more about Xavier, and if any of these deviants-- no, these criminals-- had any connection or correlation with the Martha case.

They didn't. Most of these androids had clear motives. They were being harmed, so they fought back. They needed supplies, so they stole. And some just murdered out of cold blood.

Connor made note of those, careful not to write over Xavier's handwriting and smiley face.

÷

"Excuse me. Do you usually sleep in your car?" Connor asked. He didn't mean to happen upon him today, but goddamn, the man was asleep in his car in the middle of an abandoned parking lot.

Xavier was mortified.

"I... I... Just... I was just sleepy." he couldn't look in Connor's direction. "Why are-- why are you all the way out here?"

"This is close to a crime scene. Of course I would be suspicious of a lone car in an abandoned parking lot." he explained. Xavier got out, stretched, yawned.

"Oh. Well, who died?"

"No one. A simple burglary. The victim was * _nearly_ * killed, but they're in the hospital. The android that did it was an AP700."

Xavier blinked. "I-I don't know what that model is." he admitted sheepishly. "I pulled in last night, but I didn't hear anything."

"I see." Connor nodded, stroking his chin and looking around. "Let's meet after my work is done. I have a lot of questions for you now, but now is not the time. I'll call or text you."

"Okay. Be careful out here, Connor."

"You too, Xavier."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to play this game so i can learn more about connor but I CANT


	12. Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> family drama

****

Jacob was not happy.

Of course Xavier would get involved with an android. Always bad fucking news.

Only an idiot like Xavier would ruin this trip. He didn't come all the way to Detroit to see this fucking moron mope around and sleep in his car.

"Wow. Look who decided to show up."

It was snowing today. Xavier had on a new coat. It didn't smell like anything or anyone. But judging by how nice it looked, it probably belonged to that plastic piece of shit.

Xavier looked up at him with tired eyes.

"I'm... sorry, Jacob." he shivered. "I mean... You understand, don't you? Why I can't go in there?"

"I think I'd understand more if she was killed in your apartment." Jacob said firmly, folding his arms and narrowing his eyes at his big brother. "You know I came here to spend time with you, right? This whole fucking thing's a goddamn mess. I'm buying a ticket back home tomorrow."

"I... You..." His face scrunched up. He was biting back tears. "Don't. Please."

"You can cry on your new boyfriend's shoulder then." Jacob shrugged. "Dad told me-- the second he saw the revolution, he told me you'd end up an even bigger pussy. And you know what? He's right. All you've fucking done is cry and cry and cry."

"My fucking friend was killed! The fucking revolution has nothing to do with me feeling! Other than almost dying a few days before, I was just fine and dandy! Believe it or not, murder shakes people up!"

"But you. Weren't. Fucking. There." he jabbed Xavier's chest with each pause. "I wasted so much fucking time and money with this shit." he muttered, walking back into the apartment.

Xavier felt... numb.

But he jumped as Jacob opened the door.

"You know what? If you can actually step inside you own place," he motioned to the interior of the apartment. "I'll stay."

"Jacob..."

"You'd step in the second that faggot android would step in here." he hissed.

Xavier caught his breath. Maybe it was best Jacob left anyway.

"Can you buy your plane ticket tonight, Jacob?" he was tired. So fucking tired.

"My big fucking brother. An android lover. You know how pissed off everyone's gonna be?"

"I'm not even--" he bit his lip. "I don't... I..." his voice cracked. "Don't tell anyone. Please."

Jacob snorted. "I can't believe I used to look up to you."

His mouth was dry. His face was chapped. His nose and ears felt like they were gonna fall off. His heart had already been torn apart, so that didn't matter much.

His apartment door slammed closed.

Xavier returned to his car.

-

'I hope you're doing alright. Please continue to eat what you can and stay hydrated! -Connor'

It was sent three hours ago.

Xavier rested his head against the wall and looked up at the moths crowding the porch light.

Was this man-- who would easily lose interest in him-- really worth being shunned from his family? Hell, did it matter? They treated androids like shit anyway.

Jacob left a while ago. The apartment was dark and lonely. Every thirty minutes, Xavier would get up. Turn the doorknob. Then his eyes would glance with morbid curiosity to Martha's door. His chest would get tight. Bile would rise up in his throat. He just couldn't fucking do it. Why the fuck not?

He sat in his car. And for a good while he thought about plugging up the exhaust.

Then he got a text.

It was an address.

Then after:

'If you need a place to stay tonight. Just be sure to knock. -Connor.'

Xavier took a shaky breath. Put down his phone. Covered his face and wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> christ jacob whats your damage


	13. Kawaii Sleepover-chan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xavier comes over (desu)

"Well! If it ain't my favorite barista." Hank greeted. "Or, baristo. They got a different name for guy baristas?"

"It's just barista." For some reason he expected the house to be lavish. But the size was comfortable, actually. And that big, soft dog coming to greet him was even better. "Thanks. For, uh, letting me stay over. I won't stay too long after tonight."

"No problem." Hank chuckled, watching Xavier become enamored with the dog. "I thought Connor'd come runnin' out as soon as he heard the knock at the door." he looked around. "Anyway, make yourself at home, eat what ya want, just don't touch the alcohol without me."

"Thanks, Hank."

This dog. Jesus, how big, cute, and fluffy! Dammit, if he could bring pets into his apartment, he'd have at least two dogs like this. Sumo rolled over, and Xavier took to rubbing the dog's tummy.

"Good evening."

Sumo got up and ran eagerly over to Connor. Connor, who was in a sweater that simply said 'CyberLife' on the front with a lightly glowing armband, and some pyjama pants and socks.

Xavier fanned his face. But wow, it made it click that he was somewhere warm.

"Evening, Connor," he said hoarsely, standing up and dusting the fur off himself. "thank you for letting me stay over. I promise I'm not gonna mooch or anything."

"What else are buddies for?" Goodness, that man had a nice, warm smile. "I assumed since you were staying in your car, and judging by the fact you were wearing the same outfit for the last several times I saw you, we got you some clothes to wear while you're here."

This guy was gonna be the death of him.

"You didn't have to do all that for me, man." Xavier said quietly, watching Connor idly pet Sumo as he spoke. "But... It does mean a lot to me."

"I made sure the spare room was clean." he motioned for Xavier to follow him, giving Sumo one last ear scratch before moving out.

Cozy. Again. No, it was no 5 star hotel, but it was so thoughtful and so nice, he couldn't ask for anything more. Fuck, there was a bed.

Connor was watching carefully. Trying to decide the best approach. Right now, he wanted to simply take Xavier's hand again. That smile and gratitude was sure to make his processors work overtime.

That, and he seemed a bit preoccupied. Maybe Xavier would bring it up himself.

Xavier said he knew better than to sit on the bed-- he said he'd fall right asleep.

"You do need your rest. It may lower your stress some."

Xavier stopped questioning how Connor knew these things about him. (He was an advanced prototype, of course he could do that shit.) Still, he smiled in Connor's general direction. Connor again made an effort to meet his eyes. When he did, Xavier's heart rate went up and he began to blush.

"L-Look, eye-contact isn't my strong-suit." Xavier's voice cracked like a teenager's. He blushed even further.

"It is difficult for some people. If you want to practice, you could always practice on me." he smirked.

"Jesus Christ." Xavier's stomach was in knots. Even his ears were red. But he couldn't stop smiling.

"Whoa, hey, I don't know what you're offerin', Connor, but don't do that while I'm here." Hank called from the hallway with a beer in hand.

Connor furrowed his brow and turned to look at him.

"He-- we-- we were... Eye-contact." Xavier explained to Hank, who was very, very amused.

"Heh. Well, in that case, go ahead. So, Xavier. Connor tells me you like hockey, coffee, and that you're from Texas. Got any other fun facts?" Hank asked, leaning against the doorway.

"I'm not fun or exciting by any means." said Xavier, looking down and shuffling his feet.

"I think you are." Connor chimed in.

Hank grinned. "I got sports and news channels on that TV. The cable box is in the living room." It seemed like he wanted to ask more questions, but he pushed off the wall, said he was gonna eat some leftovers, and went back to the kitchen.

"Connor?" Xavier asked.

"Yes?"

"What do you do for fun?"

"For fun? Well, to keep myself occupied during my down time, I like to fiddle with this coin." he pulled out a coin. For some reason, Xavier was just expecting Connor to show him the coin itself. Not show a very impressive display of how he could roll it over his knuckles and do fucking tricks.

"Goddamn, that's cool. When'd you learn that?"

"When...?" Connor looked at the coin for a moment, then back at Xavier. "I... I just remember always having it. Would you like to try?"

"I'm gonna drop it a lot." Xavier said, opening his palm. Connor placed it in his hand, fingers brushing against his skin again, sending that wave of... of emotions down his spine. He didn't have time to sort them out right now. He watched as Xavier sat on the bed and tried to roll it across his knuckles. It fell on the covers about three more times until Xavier gave up.

"I've been trying to teach Hank, too." Connor said, pulling a coin off the end table. "Wanna learn how?" he sat on the bed with Xavier.

"This sounds like an excuse to touch my hands." Xavier teased. His eyes were soft. "Or maybe I'm just projecting."

"You're not exactly wrong about the first one." Connor said quietly. "But the trick is very impressive to show to humans."

"Alright, detective, show me how to do your coin trick."

Connor sat next to him. He could feel Xavier's breath catch. But not in a nervous way. No, this man had gotten reminded of something sad.

"Do the coin stuff slowly so I can see." he cleared his broken voice.

Connor put his free hand over Xavier's. Xavier squeezed tightly for a moment, eyes welled over with tears.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I hope I'm not hurting you." he sighed, wiping his eyes.

"I don't feel pain." he said softly. "Do you feel like talking about it?"

"No. Not right now." he rested his head on Connor's shoulder and tried to do the coin trick, only to fail again and again.

"Start with the coin against your finger like this." Connor instructed. He hoped Xavier couldn't feel or even hear how hard his heart was racing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xavier's fuckin wrecked, get well soon, son


	14. Chapter 14

The smell of bacon and eggs woke him up.

Why? He lived alone.

And the smell of coffee. It was the cheap kind, but he was never really a coffee snob.

His bed wasn't oriented this way. This was all wrong. Heart racing, he sat straight up and looked around. The analog clock announced it was 7:02am.

He reached for his phone. He didn't remember putting it on a charger, but there it was. Next to two coins.

Oh. Right. He was at the Anderson house. When the hell did he fall asleep? Luckily someone was awake so he could ask about taking a shower.

He carefully padded out into the kitchen, softly gasping when he saw Connor fixing up breakfast.

Maybe he should leave.

"Hey... Hank?" Connor called. Hank looked up from some papers. Oh, Hank was on the couch. "You're better at this than I am. These don't look pleasing."

Hank got up, snorted, and walked over. "They're scrambled. They're supposed to look like that, dummy."

"I saw him get eggs-over-easy when I took him to breakfast. I know how to make them, but..."

"Here he is now, ask him if he likes scrambled eggs." Hank motioned to Xavier, who almost crapped his pants. "Mornin'. Ya like scrambled eggs?"

Connor's LED was yellow. He couldn't even look in Xavier's direction.

"Y-yeah. But I can't hold down a lot."

"I'll eat what you don't, don't worry."

Connor was making him breakfast?

"Do I have time to shower?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

-

The clothes were new, but also freshly washed and dried. Warm. Just like how he felt just thinking about the fact that Connor was nice enough to cook for him. And what did he even do to deserve all this kindness? Almost die? Have a friend get killed? Was this pity?

He finished what he could of the food and smiled at Connor, who had been going through some folders of... detective stuff, he was sure. He thanked him for the food. Connor sputtered out a mix of an apology and a 'you're welcome' before his LED circled yellow, then back to blue.

"I... I don't cook often. I was never programmed to. So my skills aren't like that of an AX400." he said sheepishly.

"C'mon, he's complimentin' you, boy," Hank whispered. "just accept it."

"T-thank you. It's nice to see you eat." Connor said finally.

Xavier chuckled and began to wash his dirty dishes and put them to dry.

"Are you working today?" Connor asked.

"Yeah. But that's not until later."

"I was wondering if you'd like to visit the park with me. The park has heating lamps, and I can help warm you up, if it gets too cold."

Hank chuckled and Connor's eyes went wide like he forgot he was there.

"Sure." Xavier smiled softly.

-

He wanted to do something for Connor. All that man did was give to him. But he didn't know much about him. He liked coins. And was very observant. Liked dogs. Liked keeping people healthy, but did he, like, play video games? Paint? Or was his job his hobby?

They sat on the bench, Xavier cozied up with his tea (which he didn't like as much as coffee, but it was for Connor's sake), and Connor idly rolling his coin along his knuckles. The sun was out and shining, and the snow was, well, still there. Nothing like in Texas. But he liked it.

"What do you do, Connor?"

The trees were tall, skinny sticks covered in snow. People walked around with coffee cups, on phones, talking to one another.

"I solve crimes." he said simply.

"What do you do in your spare time, I mean?"

Connor looked at him. As usual, Xavier looked away and quickly busied himself with the granola bar Connor had brought for him.

"I analyze the clues, pet Sumo, talk to Hank, and..." he trailed off. "I've grown fond of watching crime shows."

"You like your job?"

"Considering it's literally what I was built for, yes." he paused. "Of course, I suppose I could hate my job, considering I'm a..."

He flipped his coin in the air and caught it, lips pressed in a thin line, looking off into the city. His LED turned yellow, flickered.

Xavier nudged him.

"Nothing wrong with being free, Connor."

Connor exhaled deeply, breath unfurling like dragon's smoke. He didn't like this kind of talk. This guy had to be the only deviant he knew who seemed... disturbed by his deviance.

He didn't say anything to that. Just inspected Xavier for a moment. Then to his own hands.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to seem so hostile. I do enjoy my job, and things surrounding it."

"That's a good thing." Xavier said with a smile. "You told me you like jazz?"

"Yes. I enjoy jazz, Knights of the Black Death--"

"Holy shit, really?"

"Yes. I also enjoy most of the pop music, but Hank hates it," Connor chuckled. "Music as a whole is fun to me."

"Would I ever, like, see you dancing at a club or something?"

Connor was amused. "As much as I'm sure you'd love to see that, I try to stay away from clubs with the flashing lights and... undesirable people."

"Damn. There goes our date to Sacks." Xavier snorted and sipped his tea. Damn, he really wanted coffee.

"Would you... Like to go on a date?"

Oh goodness. He was melting. Xavier caught his breath and tried to think rationally.

"Yeah. But do you really want to--"

"Yes. I do. Which is why I asked."

He could hear the footsteps crunching in the snow. The cold breeze wrapped around them, and Xavier braced himself.

"Keep it up and I might start thinking you wanna be my boyfriend." Xavier said sarcastically, and hoped the hopefulness was toned down enough for Connor not to notice.

But Connor's smile was warm. And so were his hands. And the chuckle when he fixed Xavier's hat.

"Well, if you can find it in yourself to be... Romantic with someone like me--" he wasn't sure where he was going with this. "I wouldn't mind it, somewhere down the road."

"I just don't understand why me." Xavier shook his head. "I haven't done a damn thing for you lately, and you just keep helping me and helping me."

"You don't have to do anything for me. And... The way that you tried to stand up for me at the cafe, it meant a lot to me."

Connor looked away from Xavier's flustered face to the birds wandering around. To the people.

"We don't have to rush anything, Xavier. I'm sorry if it seemed that way."

Xavier took his hand and squeezed it.

"I'm not in a good way right now. I know you can tell. But when I get better, let's go somewhere, eh? Not Sacks, not a bar. Maybe we can just watch some crime shows and you can teach me more coin tricks."

"I feel like we can do that at any time."

"We can. Hell, we can do tonight, actually, if your dad doesn't mind."

Goodness, when Xavier laughed it felt fluttery inside.

"What I mean is... Maybe we can talk actual romance or-- or- or whatever when..." he let out a breath. "Whatever." He clasped Connor's hand with both of his own. They were hot from the tea. Connor held his other hand, too.

Romance. Romance wasn't something androids should get involved with. Emotions that weren't programmed in in general weren't something to mess with. But why was Xavier the one person to stand out when it came to feelings like this? He could've lied to himself and said there was nothing notable about this man. He looked normal, short sandy brown hair, green eyes, a 5 'o clock shadow. He wasn't an android. He had no real connections to any cases. So why?

"I understand. Do you like Detroit more than Houston?"

Xavier seemed thankful for the change of topics, but didn't want Connor to let go of his hand.

"Each place has its pros and cons. It's too fucking hot in Texas, though. And their laws about androids are weird. Made me really uncomfortable. Our family had an android." he idly ran his thumb along the top of Connor's hand. "They treated her like shit. It made me sick." his sigh was shaky. "It's not like I could call the police when they hit her or screamed at her."

Connor nodded somberly. "Did she turn deviant?"

"No. She just stood there and took it. They broke her bad. Sent her in for repairs. We ended up replacing her. Acted like I was being a baby for being scared of what they did to the first one." He cleared his throat and sniffed. "If she turned deviant, they probably would've shot her anyway."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Connor said quietly. "How old were you when that happened?"

"Dunno. Probably my late teens to early 20's."

"Things have changed now, though. I hope we can stop innocent people and androids from getting hurt."

"It's a noble cause."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to hold connor's android hand!!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the love, kudos, and comments!! i read every single one of them! yall are the best

Something about holding hands was comforting. Especially how there was some hop in Connor's step, and a smile biting at his lips.

Connor, though, deserves more. He was someone special, and some crybaby asshole like Xavier wasn't gonna cut it. But if it was what made him happy, he would do his best to accept it. Walking on air felt nice, and seeing Connor's little moments of happiness was even nicer.

They walked through the snow, past people, past buildings, past-- ooh.

"Hold on, detective."

Connor snorted at the nickname and watched Xavier walk briskly up to the food truck.

And he came back with what his scan figured out were deep fried oreos. Extremely unhealthy. And... Strange.

"So, you don't eat, or you can't eat?" he began,  carefully lifting up the unique puff of cookie and oil.

"I'm sure I can simulate eating, but I've never tried."

"Well, can you taste, at least?"

"Yes."

He cut the fried cookie in half and offered it to him. He'd never seen someone so excited over food like this. But he wasn't about to complain. Though... If he was going to try food, he wasn't sure if this was the first thing he wanted to eat. They smelled sweet, sugary  and had about 23 carbs for one alone.

Connor left it on a napkin and watched Xavier consume the rest of one.

"I... Don't want to hurt your feelings when I say this," Connor began sheepishly. "but I don't want this."

"You're missin' out." Xavier pulled the napkin over to his side of the table and popped it in his mouth.

Xavier was interesting. Connor hoped Xavier wouldn't be throwing this up later. He had to be very careful to make sure the man would not start binging.

Once that was finished, Xavier washed his hands and they continued their walk to the parking lot.

Xavier's fingers brushed his. Then took his hand as they walked. Even if this was as far as they went together, Connor wouldn't mind.

"Do you remember where you parked?" he asked quietly.

"Yes. Approximately the 89th spot in the lot."

Xavier squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile.

-

'If what your brother is saying is true, don't bother coming back. No reunions. No holidays. No anything. I always had a feeling you'd be an android loving freak. I was fine with you being gay. I supported you. But androids are too far.'

His own mother. His own fucking mother.

The clock read 6:30am.

Connor had hugged him last night. It was an embrace he'd never forget. Tense, even though he sort of initiated it, then melted into a big warm hug Xavier didn't know androids were capable of doing. Xavier had been tempted to kiss him on the cheek-- to hold his face and look into his eyes. Jesus. He was getting into everything too fast.

Today was the day he'd try to step into his apartment again.

He dried himself off from the shower, got dressed, and went into the kitchen for some water. Once he got his paycheck (which would be soon), he could at least give them some money as thanks for all this.

* _Ting!_ *

* _Ting!_ *

So Connor was awake. Nowhere in sight, though.

He didn't think too much of it. The tap water here was decent enough, so he had a few glasses, and a granola bar. Then made himself some coffee. He sat at the kitchen in silence for a bit. Sumo was in Hank's room, snoring along with him. Connor was in his own room, doing coin tricks. And Xavier was sitting at the table, getting another message from an angry family member.

He listened to Connor and his coin. The snoring. For a while, it felt cozy. But he had to go ruin his own day by trying to walk into his own apartment.

The guest room was tidy, and by the time he was ready to leave, everyone else was awake.

"Good morning, y'all." Xavier greeted. "I'm gonna try to get back into my apartment." he explained.

"Would you like us to come with you?" Connor asked.

"I think you guys have seen enough of me." he chuckled. "If it goes well, I'll text you. And if it doesn't... I'll probably be back here."

Connor wanted to go. But Xavier wanted to do this on his own.

-

The Martha case was closed. There was literally no reason to keep it open. They let Connor continue to look into it if he wanted (which he did), but the resources were now closed up.

Connor was angry, but he understood. He was more frustrated with himself for not being able to find a real reason. A reason Xavier and the grieving family would accept.

A legitimate malfunction occured.

That was a scary thought.

He was defective.

That's what they'd been told in the first place. And it was the truth. He just wanted something to be there that wasn't.

Hank noticed how red his LED was and placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

"You'll be alright, Connor."

Sometimes a case is just open and shut. He still went to the evidence room anyway.

-

It was like a freezer in there. A dark freezer that smelled like rotting food. But he couldn't do anything about it. The one step forward was all he could take. He needed to go in. Please. He needed to clean out the fridge at least. Just walk to the kitchen. It's easy. It's so fucking easy, just walk. Just walk. Please, just walk.

It was like wading through lava. Slow, heavy, every step hurt.

His vision blurred with cold tears. Eyes stung from the lights he just turned on. It was so fucking cold in here.

One step forward. For some reason he felt like Riley would be here. Waiting. Watching. Here to explain what happened. No. Riley killed himself.

He could see his breath.

One step forward.

C'mon man. You can do this. Just clear out the shit in the fridge.

One more step.

Martha's laugh echoed through his ears.

His knees went weak. Heart pounded in his chest. It was almost impossible to breathe.

But his legs carried him to the door before he even asked them to. Trembling hands yanked open the door.

He flew to the car and continued his panic attack.

-

'Small progress is still progress. -Connor'

He didn't respond.

What kind of fucking idiot can't walk into an apartment that had nothing to do with the murder? He took a deep breath and entered the store.

The objective here was a lot easier mentally. Buy some gifts and get some cash out. First things first, he went to the books. Connor seemed like he'd like to read. Hank too, seeing all the books on his shelves.

He brought his things to the register and did a double-take.

A gold dollar coin.

÷

"I don't mind 'im stayin' over." Hank shrugged. "He helps clean up and doesn't snoop through my stuff, so." he smiled some. "And I'm not gonna lie. Never thought I'd see the day you'd fall in love with anyone. Especially a human!"

"It's--it's not-- I mean... I... * _Affection_ * is certainly there. I do care about him. A lot." Connor took a deep breath. "I'm worried that the idea of being in love is what this is." He idly curled the pages of his folder. "Or maybe I just want to feel that way. Emotions are... Frightening."

"Take it easy, Connor. But take it."  
  


Xavier was back. With gifts. And money. Hank accepted the books and Vinyls (and the cash especially) with a thank you. Connor was enamored with the stuffed dog and greatly looked forward to reading and dissecting some of these crime novels. He also got Sumo a big bone to chew on.

"T-thank you, Xavier." Connor said. "You didn't have to get me any gifts, you know."

"Yeah, well, too late." he shrugged. His voice was exhausted. Then he pulled something out of his pocket. "I got you this, too."

"Oh wow. These are very uncommon! Thank you!"

Goodness, Xavier looked so wonderful when he smiled.

"No prob, Bob."

Connor grinned. "Detective Bob Anderson at your service, Mr Spruce."

And what a wonderful laugh!

"Can you do tricks with that coin, Bob?" Xavier asked, looking up at him. His eyes were dilated. Soft, soft look on his face.

"What kind of fool do you take me for?" He spun the coin on his finger, grin still on his lips.

-

"Do you sleep?" Xavier asked at the coffee shop.

"Not the way humans do. I simply put myself into sleep mode for a few hours. Usually standing up straight. Hank has told me to do that in my room after the time I scared him in the living room."

Xavier chuckled. "Yeah, sounds scary as hell."

Connor smiled and went back through his journal and files. Xavier was cleaning the equipment the morning and afternoon workers never gave a shit about, occasionally humming along to the jazz music he put on. Sometimes they'd catch each other's eye, Connor would smile some, Xavier would blush, fan his face, catch his breath, and get back to work.

Customers would pop in occasionally. Some would recognise Connor, and a handful of them were grateful to him.

"Don't thank me," Connor said sheepishly. "I only helped. Markus led the revolution."

Some would simply ignore him or become very uncomfortable at the mere presence of a deviant android.

"Why don't you take that LED off?" questioned a customer who was waiting for his coffee.

"I don't see a reason to."

"Don't you wanna blend in with the humans?"

"Not particularly. I'm fine existing the way I am."

The person wasn't sure how to respond to that and just turned around and looked at his phone.

After the last person left and it was time to close shop, Xavier stretched. Sighed. Then met Connor's eyes again.

But this time they lingered for a bit. He walked over to the table Connor had been doing his smart people stuff at and rested his chin on his hands.

"Your eyes are--" Connor's voice processor glitched just enough for Xavier to tell. "I-I could look at them for some time."

"Same to you. Well, not too long," he rubbed his neck. "but maybe once I get better at this whole eye-contact thing. Maybe we should do staring contests."

"I only blink to make humans less unnerved around me. Unfortunately, you would lose that contest. Don't let that stop you, though."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connors gotta fuckin stop for real


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :(

Snow was not his forte. Driving on it was still like driving with death in the passenger seat. And shovelling it? He fell on his ass three times this morning. No one had asked him to, but it was the absolute least he could do. It was helpful. And he wanted it to serve as a distraction from everything.

People were getting their Christmas decor up. No one would be flying up to Michigan to see him this year. Nor would he be flying down. His first Christmas truly alone. He tried to comfort himself as he patted the snow pile down. He could quite possibly be spending Christmas here! But the reality was that Connor's interest in him would fade, and Hank would get tired of seeing him mooching from them.

Would he be able to live in his apartment again? If not, he'd have to start looking for a new one, and hope he could get someone to help him move his stuff.

No friends.

No family.

His breath was shaky, but he brought the shovel back to the shed and went into the warmth and comfort of the Anderson house.

Connor being awake so early wasn't a surprise to him. Neither was him petting Sumo so sweetly.

"Good morning, Xavier." he greeted, looking up at him with a small smile.

Xavier's stomach filled with butterflies. Connor scratched Sumo's ears, then pet his fluffy back.

"Mornin'." he sat next to Sumo and began to pet, too. "How'd you sleep?"

"I slept as usual. You?"

Aside from the crying, "Pretty well." Xavier said.

"I put the stuffed toys you gave me on my bookshelf. They're very, very cute."

"No wonder they reminded me of you." Xavier smiled. Connor smiled back, then got up and went to the living room. Xavier hung back and admired the big dog. "Hey, where's Hank?"

"In a meeting. It's very rare to see him up so early. But the threat of losing your job and insurance can do that."

"Heh."

"Would you like to go to your apartment?"

His eyes went wide.

"Am- Am I... Am I overstaying my welcome?"

"No, of course not!" Connor sputtered, nearly dropping the vinyl he was holding. "I just wondered if having someone with you would make it easier."

"If you're nor busy tonight maybe we could give it a shot. I'm not ready."

Connor nodded and took the vinyl out carefully and set it on the record player. Adjusted the volume and went and got a book from his room.

"Man, that's cozy." Xavier said warmly, watching Connor sit on the couch. Sumo lumbered over and sat by his feet.

Xavier got a small bowl of cereal and began to eat before he got a call, nearly dropping the damn phone in his bowl.

His brother.

He shouldn't answer.

He managed to swallow another spoonful before he felt sick.

Why would Jacob call him?

An apology? A family emergency? Or to further shove down his throat how a passing attraction for an android made you scum of the earth?

He almost answered. He'd started for the door, but the call ended.

His heart was pounding.

No, Jacob wasn't one to apologise over the phone. Not on his own will, anyway.

And as soon as he turned back around, his phone vibrated again.

Back into the snow and wind.

And even deeper into a spiraling depression.

"Jacob?"

"Look. I want you to be fucking real with me, okay?"

Xavier's heart was beating in his ears. Luckily there was a chair to keep him from falling to the ground.

"Are you for real with this android shit?"

His mouth was dry. He'd rarely heard Jacob so angry. Hanging up would be so easy to do, it would save so much time. But he was frozen.

"Come the fuck on. You really can't be fucking serious. I don't want you to be."

"Why are you asking?"

"Why do you think I'm asking? Do you really think I want my big brother practically disowned from the family?"

"Then why'd you even bring it up?"

There was silence.

Snow bit into his skin.

"I... I was angry. I'm sorry." he sighed deeply. "But that... it doesn't really change anything if you really are in love with an android."

"Why? Why can't a single person in this fucking family support me?"

"Oh, boo-fucking-hoo! We don't like a fucking crazy person falling for a fucking piece of plastic! Fall in love with any adult human you want. But a fucking android, Xavier?"

"They're just like us. They feel. They love. They hate-- they just wanna live their lives!"

"Fuck, man. I don't want this to happen to you. I really fucking don't." Jacob's voice cracked. "Would you just fucking get over it?"

"I don't know what you want me to say. I... can't help how I feel."

"Did you ever get into your apartment?"

"No. I pussied out."

"Uh huh. So you're still sleeping in your car?"

"No. I'm staying with someone."

"I fucking hope it's not whatever sleeping pod your plastic pal stays in."

"It's not." he sighed shakily. "What's the real reason you called me?"

"I needed to tell Mom and Dad you were joking or something. But I guess I can't do that."

"But--"

"Merry Christmas, Xavier."

And then a dial-tone.

-

Connor made sure Xavier was warm. He'd been out in the freezing cold for about ten minutes with inadequate clothing. He wasn't going to die, and he didn't need medical attention. But he certainly needed some sort of therapy.

"Make sure you sip on this." Connor said softly, putting the half-filled mug of tea in Xavier's hands and holding them tightly. "You're crying."

"Thanks, sherlock." Xavier sniffed. He tried to blink back the tears, but they just came spilling out.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Connor made sure Xavier was retaining his body heat with the blankets and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"Sometimes I wish you hadn't saved me that day." he said tiredly, eyes somewhere else.

"I'm glad I did."

Xavier was silent. Warming his hands with the tea mug. Looking at it like it was the most interesting thing in the world right now.

He didn't push the issue. The man was due for a breakdown at any moment. Instead, they walked to Xavier's room, where Connor was sure to direct the standing heater to him and sit by the--

"Hey. Could you warm me up?"

Never mind. Connor slipped off his shoes and got under the blankets with Xavier. There was a flicker of joy in those miserable green eyes. This was supposed to be awkward according to TV and movies. But it was... cozy. And holding Xavier in his arms like this was... God, it was nice. Carding fingers though his hair, rubbing his back as he cried. Connor couldn't take the pain away. Affection couldn't cure the depression. Love never solved any problems. But it sometimes makes things easier to deal with.

"I want to help you." Connor's voice was low and soft, as not to startle him.

Xavier shook his head, which was buried in Connor's sweater.

"I feel like it's too late. I'm already broken."

"But your vitals seem fine." said Connor lightly.

And Xavier laughed quietly.

"I wish we could've met before I was a huge fucking mess. But I'm not gonna be like this anymore. I promise."

"It's important to not bottle up your emotions."

"Well, I don't wanna be depressed all the damn time either. It's... just really hard when everything keeps getting ripped away from you." he lurched forward and cried the last tears he could. His head was spinning. He was exhausted. Connor felt him fall asleep.

He wanted to stay like this.

But he knew damn well he made the family problems worse. And he had no idea how to deal with that information, and how to help Xavier through this, other than being there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what in the goddamn...


	17. Chapter 17

Waking up next to someone in the same bed as him hadn't been normal in a while. Neither was just sitting there and watching him read, idly running his thumb atop Xavier's hand. He'd been reading attentively for some time. Who knows, probably the entire time.

"Welcome back. You woke up about an hour and thirty minutes before your work shift."

"Ah, fuck." he groaned. "Good morning. Or night. Whatever." He stretched, yawned, and caught Connor's eyes for a moment.  He didn't want to let go of Connor's hand, but he had to take a shower. "Didn't mean to fall asleep on you. Hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."

"I found it to be nice. I almost went into sleep-mode myself. I should have worn my pyjamas." he hummed.

"Pfft. Yeah. You're the only asshole I've seen willingly get into bed with jeans on." he shrugged. "Jeans or not, you can crawl in any time. As long as I'm not jerking off or anything." Oh shit. "Not that I jerk off in here. That's-- that's weird."

Connor's LED was yellow, and he seemed on the verge of laughing, but never actually did.

"Speaking of which, Xavier." Connor said as he watched Xavier gather his work clothes and a towel. Oh jesus, where was this going? "There's a Christmas Festival downtown later this week. I was wondering if you'd like to come with me."

"Hah. Clever."

Connor winked.

"The offer to the festival is serious, though. Hank and I went last year, it was very fun."

Oh goodness. How sweet was this guy? It felt like his heart was gonna fly away.

"I'd love to. Do... Do y'all do Christmas trees and Christmas dinner?"

His cooking wasn't top tier, but his heart was full to bursting thinking about cooking for the two of them. He could make his gingerbread loaves and his favorite eggnog. Oh god, how exciting!

"We decorate and Hank gets himself a turkey leg from Chicken Feed." Connor explained. "Dinner isn't really a thing here, considering Hank is the only one that eats."

Oh. A pit filled his stomach. Why? Of course he couldn't eat. He's an android. Idiot! He was fine with preparing food for Hank, and the festivity of it, but what could he do for Connor?

"Makes sense. Connor, I'm gonna get dressed. Are ya tailing me to work tonight?"

"Not tonight, I've got to be at the office for some evidence review at 10:30." he paused by the door. "I have one question, though."

"Shoot."

"Do you think androids--" he stopped abruptly, shook his head. "Never mind."

???

"Do I think androids what?" Xavier grabbed his wrist.

"It's an after work question."

With that he left Xavier to get himself cleaned and dressed. Connor was gathering his things to go to the office as well, and both were out the door at the same time.

"Be safe, Connor."

"You too, Xavier."

-

Why were humans... like that? What was so enthralling about getting drunk and acting like a moron? Or passing out? Or getting liver failure?

Connor couldn't drink. Or maybe he could. He wasn't willing to try anything but thirium-- damaging his insides didn't seem ideal. He'd been banged up enough already, and short circuiting wasn't the way he wanted to go out. Especially over some alcohol.

Hank did drink. He also drank some eggnog during Christmas. It smelled pleasant. Like cinnamon. He also offered Connor some, but Connor declined. Hank had muttered something about repairs and shrugged, and went back to drinking it.

How would Christmas this year go? He knew a lot about Christmas, and how humans celebrated the holiday season in general. He sort of wanted a party. But then again, maybe he just wanted the feeling of a party. Or togetherness. It wasn't something he'd felt since he was being active in the revolution. Where was Markus, North, Simon, Josh?

Just as busy as he was. Hell, they were doing more for their kind than Connor was, he thought. And many of the other androids were awfully suspicious of the gun he drew during Markus' rally. Distrust in him ran rampant. Maybe that's why they only really talked during activist meetings...

And that's probably why he didn't have a big get-together during Christmas.

Asking Xavier what he usually did for Christmas... Connor rolled the gold coin along his knuckles, brows furrowed. Would it be a good idea? His family is mad at him, what are the odds of him wanting to remember what he used to enjoy when Connor was the one that ripped it from him?

Would he be in his apartment by then?

Not that he had a problem with Xavier staying with them, hell, he'd love to share a room with the guy! But Hank's patience only lasted so long.

"Hey, Connor. You gonna visit your boyfriend, or are we carpooling back home?" Hank's voice startled him, but not enough for him to drop his coin.

"I'm going to see if I can get Xavier to step foot in his apartment." Connor explained. "I was waiting to see if you needed a ride home first."

"Nah. I'll drink when I get home. You got your key? Cuz I don't want you breaking any more windows to get in."

"Yes, Hank." Connor chuckled, pulling the keyring from his pocket. "I'll see you later tonight."

"You sure it's gonna be tonight?"

"The odds of him staying in his apartment all night, if he even steps in, seems incredibly low. It may take some time." They left the building and began to walk to their respective cars. "Oh, Hank, I have a question."

"Hmm."

"What do you think of him?"

"Of Xavier? He's a good kid who makes good coffee. I feel like you asked me this already though."

"I'm wondering about Christmas and how that could go with the three of us."

"We'll cross that road when we get to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas in june?? yes because i hate texas weather
> 
> also you guys are the coolest, even if i dont respond to all the comments (cuz sometimes i dont know how im sorry!!)!!! yall are cool!!
> 
> also: i'd love to write crime/action/more exciting stuff, but i really cant. im a romantic


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmmmm

"You've got a very... interesting sense of style."

Connor had opened the door and went in casually. Xavier stood there like almost like an obedient android waiting for orders. Bundled up in his clothes, eyes darting from Connor, to the red door next to him.

It was standard furniture. Armchairs, a small sofa, a coffee table and an old-fashioned flat-screen, probably from the 2010's. Movies cases and a few video game cases were lined with dust. It absolutely reeked of sour food, which Connor immediately went and disposed of. The recycling bin was filled with plastic plates, cups, cutlery... Odd. He'd never seen someone so little real dishes other than some coffee mugs. Must cost him a fortune.

The walls had very little decor other than a Houston Texans poster and an ancient 1950's style poster advertising some coffee. Though, the kitchen was where the real interesting things lay. He had so much coffee-making stuff. Expensive espresso machines and stuff to crush coffee beans-- and a shattered coffee pot in the sink.

Xavier was at the welcome mat next to the empty umbrella stand. Heart racing, trying to regulate his own breathing.

"You're doing good so far." Connor said earnestly, walking over to meet up with him and take his hand. And damn, did Xavier start squeezing it.

But it was soothing him.

"Could you tell me how you got so into coffee?" Not only was it an honest question, but leading him further into the apartment would be easier if he was distracted. "I noticed you had a very professional set-up there."

"I... I dated a barista when I was, like, 15. He didn't... He didn't like his job..." Xavier was focused on Connor's hands. Running his fingers over the wrinkles at the joints. Along his fingernails. Then along the knuckles. "But I liked to watch him work."

Connor managed to move them a couple steps deeper into the freezing house. The heater was starting to kick in.

"Was he as good as you are?"

"God no. He hated it. He only worked there cuz his dad owned the place. He did the bare minimum. But that's where I learned the basics, at least. After we broke up, I got myself a job at one of the big coffee chains. Started working harder, reading about it, experimenting with everything..." he sighed. But there was a small smile on his lips. "I worked a couple coffee places. Then androids started swiping my jobs out from under me." he chuckled nervously. "But I used that as an excuse to work harder and learn from them. They taught me a lot of technical shit."

Xavier looked up and met Connor's eyes, mouth open to say something. But his calm demeanor was changing fast. Suddenly he was shaking like he was cold. He seemed... betrayed, almost.

"Oh no..." he whispered, wanting to leave, but not wanting to pull away. "C-Connor, I... I... The... She..."

"Do you think Martha would want you to be afraid to go into your own apartment?" Connor asked quietly, thumbing the tears from Xavier's ruddy cheeks. "I know you're scared. Fear can be irrational at times. But I'm here with you."

"I-I can't... I can't be in here..."

Connor let him pull away, but he stayed where he was standing.

"I know you can get over this."

"You must not know me very well, Connor." he sniffed. "I'm a coward."

"Yet you keep trying your damndest to face your fear. That's the last thing a coward would do. We're gonna try this again soon, alright? And I'll help you out."

"You don't have to do this for me." Xavier said from the mat on the other side of the door. "You really don't. Why do you care so much? I'm just a stupid fucking human."

"There's just something about you. Something inside me wants to help you, and care for you  and make everything better. And I know you're gonna say you don't deserve it, because you think you haven't 'done enough' for me."

Xavier sniffed and nodded.

"Well, you're wrong. You don't need to do anything to deserve these... confusing feeling I have for you. Unless you don't want them." He turned the heater off and turned off the lights to the house. "You make me happy, Xavier."

"You make me happy too, but..." he sighed in defeat and hugged Connor tight. Connor hugged back and let them stay there for a while in the snow, under the yellow porch light. "You smell good..." he said absently.

"Hank got it for me. He said it'll make me smell like a 'stud.' It didn't smell terrible, so I kept it on." Connor explained, running his fingers through Xavier's hair. "But I should wear it more often, now that you mention it."

"You're cute."

"Then that makes both of us."

"And... And I'm sorry for crying so much. Christ." he wiped his own eyes and took a breath. "I've just been so damn overwhelmed, it's just one after the fucking other. I get stabbed, my friend gets killed, and my family fucking disowns me! Heh. What a fucking life so far."

"It'll get easier. It just takes time." Connor said, sighing as Xavier rested his head on his shoulder and squeezed his hands. "I hope you'll feel better, Xavier."

"I hope so too."

What a weird urge he just had. Kissing people is a human thing. No, no, it's not any more. Androids can do it too.

But not right now. He was extremely vulnerable at the moment

-

"Well, if it ain't Thing One and Thing Two." Hank greeted. He noticed Xavier slide his hands from Connor's almost like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "How'd it go?"

"I'm back here, aren't I?" Xavier shrugged, making a beeline to Sumo.

"We made a lot of progress, though." Connor chimed in. "We'll have to return to the complex tomorrow though, to get his car back."

"You're doin' good, kid. Takes a while to heal from the shit the world throws at ya."

"Thanks, Hank." Xavier said warmly. "I'm just gonna shower and get to bed. I gave myself a fuckin' headache."

"Have fun." Hank called. Connor watched Xavier walk down the hallway and into the bathroom. Scanning him, probably. Then Hank turned to Connor. "So... You told him yet?"

"Told him what?"

"That you like him?"

Connor rested his hand on his cheek. "You really like the fact that I like him, don't you?"

"It's pretty fuckin' funny to see the two of you this way, acting like you're both not head over heels."

"As amusing as it may be, I don't want to push myself onto him. I'm going to be here when he needs me. Affection, friendship, anything, I'm going to be there for him. It's what friends do." he took a breath. "I'd feel a lot better if he wasn't so emotionally wrecked. I don't want to take advantage of him."

Hank nodded. "That makes sense, I guess. You're a pretty good kid, you know that?"

Connor smiled, took a deep breath, then looked to the bathroom. Then he looked down at the table, LED blinking yellow, face fallen.

"I ruined his life."

Hank furrowed his eyebrows and sipped his drink. "Last I checked, we saved it."

"His family found out he was... feeling very warm towards me. And upon suspicion of the two of us being an item, they shunned him. As far as I know, he doesn't have many friends. His family was really all he had. And I ruined it."

"Sounds like those fuckers ruined it for themselves." Hank muttered. "Who the hell is like that anymore? Assholes. That ain't your fault, Connor. They're the ones fucked up enough to shun their son for getting involved with an android." he sighed and refilled his glass. "Hey. He's got us. As long as he keeps helping out around here, he's welcome."

-

Xavier wasn't sure why he was this way. But the more he thought about his actions the past few days, the more furious he got at himself. And even angrier he became when he felt tears-- more goddamn tears stream down his face. For fuck's sake. At least they were saved for the end of the day and he wasn't just fucking moping around like a sad sack.

It didn't stop the anger, though. How he saw red, how his fingertips were going numb.

Before he could stop himself, he was hovering awkwardly in front of Connor's door.

No. Leave the poor guy alone. He has to deal with you enough. He deserves some rest. Instead, he decided to drive somewhere. To do something. To buy things for the people he liked.

He didn't get back until 5am. And didn't even realise he had a message until he looked at his phone after 30 minutes of sitting in the car. It was just Connor's usual good morning message. A simple,

'Good morning, Xavier. Hope you slept well. -Connor'

But it still made him smile some. Rest his head against the outside of the steering wheel and close his eyes a moment-- until the horn blared.

He almost jumped out of his skin. His heart felt like it was gonna leap out of his throat. Fuck, he prayed he didn't wake anyone up. He quickly gathered his gifts and went inside, locking the door behind him.

As expected, Connor was seated at the couch, reading over case files. But he greeted Xavier warmly, helped him with his things, and then, of course, commented on how exhausted he looked.

"You sure know how to flatter a guy, Bob." Xavier cleared his throat, trying to keep his eyes open.

"Well, I can do that, too. But telling you how much I love seeing your smile doesn't really bring attention to the issue at hand." Connor said, chest fluttering as Xavier absently took his hand and brought it to his hot cheek. "Go get some proper rest."

"You and Hank be careful at work."

"We're actually off work today. Unless a homicide is reported, of course."

"Which means you're always working."

"Basically. But we don't have to go into the office! So feel free to get some rest."

"Wait, I have gifts."

"It's not Christmas yet." Connor watched Xavier shuffle over to the coffee table and take out a small box. And then some alcohol for Hank.

"The box is for you." Xavier was so tired.

Connor opened it. Then gasped quietly. A lovely fountain pen. He must've seen the pen he was using to write in the journal with. It was absolutely lovely. "You-you... Wow, thank you. It's beautiful. I'll cherish it."

Xavier smiled, yawned loudly, and went to his room. But not before turning around, raising his eyebrows, and pointing to the himself and Connor. Then to the bedroom.

"Sorry. You can leave as soon as you want. I just had a question."

"Too late, Xavie. Already taking off my slippers."

"You were wearing slippers?" He asked with a small laugh in his voice, relaxing immediately as Connor got into bed with him.

"Mhm. Was that your question?"

"No. What were you gonna ask me the other day?"

Connor pushed Xavier's hair back some. Xavier snuggled into the android almost instinctively.

"I was going to ask... Do you think androids can... Can we truly lo--..." he trailed off, blushing if he was able to.

"Love?" Xavier's sleep derprived voice asked.

"Y-yes."

"Yeah." he yawned. He was just a few seconds from falling asleep before Connor bravely placed a small, quick kiss on his forehead. Jesus, his heart was going crazy.

Xavier smiled and placed one of Connor's hands against his heart, snuggled close, and fell fast asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short one

'u texted me good morning but ur not here'

'I'm in Xavier's room. He was up most of the night and is just now getting some rest. -Connor'

'u 2 might as well sleep in the same room & let me keep that guest room open'

'We'll see what happens. Have you eaten breakfast? -Connor'

'yea yea im on it'

Xavier's heartbeat was comforting. This almost felt too intimate, holding him close, hand against his chest, admiring the man as he slept. ... Or maybe it was creepy? But something was just right about having him near that he wasn't going to bother fighting much more. Other than * _pushing_ * any romance Xavier didn't want.

Why would his family push away such a beautiful man? Over something as petty as getting involved with an android?

'just dont do anything lewd n that room got it??'

'Don't worry, we won't. -Connor'

Hank's support was all he could ask for when it came to this situation. Though the sexual aspect he kept bringing up was... an interesting thought at least. It's not like he didn't desire Xavier, but damn, one thing at a time.

Connor didn't even realise he entered sleep-mode until Xavier's fingers idly brushed along his face. Those lovely green eyes, weighed down with mental exhaustion-- then lit up with surprise and shock! before he dropped his hand and looked away, blush on his cheeks. Connor smiled a bit and took his hand and squeezed it. Something about something as simple as that was... it was enthralling.

"Morning."

"Good morning. Do you want pancakes?"

"Man, for a guy that doesn't eat, you're all about food."

"You're malnourished. And your BMI is getting very low. But if you don't want pancakes, just say no."

"Noo, I do want pancakes." Xavier whined. Connor laughed quietly and ran his fingers through Xavier's hair. "Do you like cooking?"

"When I do it well, yes." Connor's smile lingered and Xavier-- well, Xavier was having trouble coming to terms with something. Their tangled legs and laced fingers. Feeling Connor's warmth and smelling his cologne. His hair hadn't been messed up from sleeping-- of course it hadn't been. The only problem Connor's hair had was that deviant tuft, always flying out and away!

Synthetic hair felt like the real thing. Soft and smooth. Just like his skin. His hands were tougher, though.

He had a question. But maybe now wasn't the time. He lifted his eyes up to Connor's lovely brown ones. Maybe, just maybe, he could keep eye contact. But Connor could read everyone like a goddamn book, even without eye contact. That's what he was built for.

No. This was too much. As much as he wanted to stare dotingly into his friend's eyes, he looked away, heart pounding against his chest, face warmer than the heater.

"Xavier?" Connor pulled his chin gently so their eyes could meet again.

"You keep doing this and I might just kiss you." Xavier grumbled, pulling closer to Connor, then casting his eyes away, staring at the blankets, Connor's pyjama shirt (simple blue plaid).

"I'm... not sure if you're saying that as a threat or a promise." Connor's light flashed yellow briefly. "Am I getting too... personal?"

"No. Let's go make those pancakes. And you-- what do you do for breakfast?" Xavier pulled away with great reluctance and stretched. "Like, do you consume anything?"

"Media, mostly."

Xavier snorted.

-

"Morning, you two." Hank greeted from the couch, turning the page of his book.

"Good morning, Hank. We're making breakfast."

"Morning." Xavier greeted. "D'ya like cinnamon in your pancakes?"

Connor noticed the dirty dishes in the sink. Damn it.

"I don't mind it. But I already ate." he said apologetically. "Connor never told me you two were cookin'."

"Dammit." Xavier snapped his fingers and leaned against the counter.

"I'm sorry." Connor said, light frown on his face. "It was a spur of the moment thing. Maybe we could all have breakfast together tomorrow morning?"

"We could do lunch." Hank suggested. "Where do ya eat lunch usually, Xavier?"

According to all the trash at his apartment, McDonalds.

"Whatever I'm in the mood for. Martha and I go to this place--" his voice dropped off immediately. He blinked back tears furiously, caught his breath, and continued with clenched fists. "C-called 'Sushi Crazy'. Do you like sushi?"

"Yeah, I liked the cooked ones."

Oh, how exciting!! Connor couldn't help but grin, butterflies filling his chest.

"Connor, you wanna go to Sushi Crazy?" Xavier noticed his big smile and couldn't help but grin himself. "Gonna take that as a yeah. Don't worry, I'll pay."

"Not gonna turn that down." Hank said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im curious-- a post i made on tumblr that looks like a shitpost is actually a link to chapter six of this story. how many of you came from that content aware scaled 'deviant located' connor post?


	20. Sushi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eat sushi acquire chopsticks

It was odd being here without her. The host seemed somber at Xavier's appearance, and darted her eyes around, looking for Martha trailing behind. Maybe it was a mistake coming here. He looked to the small section they usually sat in, in the corner next to the far edge of the sushi carousel.

This was a mistake, a big one, a huge one. Xavier you fucking moron! He stepped back onto the black marble tile and took a deep breath.

Connor's hand took his and squeezed it, looking ever-so-slightly up at him (Xavier was only 2 inches taller than him, the same height as Hank).

Xavier met Connor's eyes just long enough to compose himself. They were here for fun-- as fun as lunch can be. Martha would've loved to see it. He swallowed hard.

"A spot for three at the carousel, please."

"You doin' alright?" Hank asked after they ordered their drinks. "Look, if ya wanna go somewhere else, I'm always down for Chicken Feed."

Connor was watching Xavier intently. How shaky his hands were, but also how hard he was trying to calm himself down. After the waitress delivered their drinks, Connor took his hand under the table.

"I think she'd be happy we were here." Xavier said finally, swallowing hard, but with a genuine smile on his face. "Sorry about the waterworks. Hank, if you like cooked sushi, you * _gotta_ * try the Spider Roll."

"Alright, I'll give it a shot." His eyes trailed to the bottom of the table for a moment, and he raised a curious eyebrow. "Ey, keep those hands where I can see them, boys."

Connor huffed and put his other hand on the table. Xavier couldn't help but rest his own hand close to Connor's. And before they knew it, they were holding hands again.

"I find sushi to be very interesting. Raw fish, on top of rice with sugar, salt, and vinegar? And then this..." He watched Hank pull out the spider roll and raise his eyebrows. "Spider Roll... Definitely less healthy than the--" he scanned a very simple salmon nigiri from across the room. "Salmon nigiri. The variety is extremely impressive."

"Isn't it? I love the colors, too. I'm gonna grab a rainbow roll when it comes by." Xavier smiled. "Heh. Do you need the kids chopsticks?" He asked Hank.

"Chopsticks ain't really what I'm good with." Hank shrugged, dropping the chopsticks again.

"Fuck, me neither. When the waitress comes by, I'll ask."

Connor was scanning the sushi that came by. All the colors, the preparation, the cost, the general consensus on the particular roll-- oh, there was the rainbow roll. Connor grabbed it while Xavier was talking to the waitress.

Xavier thanked him kindly.

"So, what do you guys, like, do in your spare time?" Xavier asked them. "I know Connor reads a lot, and watches crime shows."

"I used to go to bars all the time. Now that I'm tryin' to get drunk less often, I just watch TV with some beer."

"I'm proud of ya. Quitting stuff like that isn't easy. What made you decide to quit drinking? Other than the looming threat of kidney failure?"

Hank looked warmly over at Connor, who had taken to fiddling with Xavier's old chopsticks.

"Connor taught me that maybe this world isn't as shitty as I thought it was." Hank said. "I'm damn glad."

Connor smiled up at him.

"Only downside-- gotta pay for that fucker's repairs. When he said he was worth a small fortune, he wasn't kidding."

Xavier laughed and put some wasabi on his piece of sushi before popping it in his mouth.

Hank finally managed to get a bite of the roll and seemed pretty impressed.

"I'm glad to hear that." Xavier said absently. "Sometimes the right person just comes along and then something... Changes in you. Oh-- and if you like that one, try the shaggy dog roll."

Connor was trying his best to lift the balled up straw wrappers with the chopsticks. It was much more difficult than expected. He just seemed happy to be there, around people he adored. He would love to eat, and Xavier felt horrible about not having anything for him to do, but he couldn't. Or wouldn't. Maybe he'd try to take a bite of something once they were home.

He was glad Hank and Xavier got along. They ended up talking about sports, which Connor could chime in on, giving statistics and projections, which the two men seemed extremely interested in.

They spent two hours in that restaurant, and, even though Xavier hid the bill from the both of them, about $70 dollars without the tip. The tip looked to be $20.

Back into the cold with them.

"Hey man, thanks for the food and the good time." Hank patted his back. "Connor? Ya reeled in a good one."

Connor smiled proudly where Xavier blushed.

"Buuut, I'm gonna steal him for just a minute."

"O-okay." Connor said awkwardly.

Hank pulled a very nervous Xavier out of (suspected) earshot and said,

"Just don't hurt 'im, alright?"

"Hurt...? Oh. Don't worry. I don't plan on it, Hank." Xavier said softly. "If you have any ideas on how I can surprise him or something, though, I'd love it. Cuz I wanna do something for y'all for saving me."

"Just keep makin' him happy and helping around the house, kid. We'll be golden. And-- if you end up falling out of love- cuz that shit happens- let him down gently."

"You have my word, Hank."

"Oh, and one more thing. If you guys are gonna fool around, don't do it while I'm here, in front of Sumo, or in mine or Connor's room. Got it?"

"You-- You don't- you don't have to worry about that, H-Hank." Xavier's face was bright red. "Not yet."

"Alright. I had my dad talk. Let's go meet the man of the hour."

-

Connor was a man of many talents. Some he couldn't take credit for- they were programmed in him. Rolling the coin was something he got the hang of very quickly, it kept him alert and gave him something to do. However, the chopsticks were fun to twirl. There were times where he'd twirl a pen across his fingers on the rare occasion he wrote something down, but it never really captivated him until this moment.

Xavier was very curious about this and took the other chopstick and attempted to twirl it across his own fingers, watching Connor do it with ease. The hockey game, while he wanted to see the outcome, was no longer his focus.

Connor did it slower to try and show him, but Xavier grew frustrated fast as soon as his chopstick hit the ground.

"You'll get it soon." Connor guaranteed quietly, scooting closer.

After the third time Xavier dropped it, he just handed the chopstick to Connor with a dull look on his face.

This man did not like failing.

Hank took the other chopstick though, and tried his hand. He wasn't any better than Xavier, but he also wasn't as hung up on dropping it like Xavier was.

Until Connor got a report in.

"I just got a report of a homicide. Down by the junkyard. The killer may still be on the scene." He got up and went to get dressed in something more formal. Hank got up with a heavy sigh and lumbered to his own room to get dressed. Xavier looked at Sumo, who decided to be his companion after the others disappeared.

His stomach was churning. He couldn't lose anyone else. Fucking hell, what would he do if one of them got fucking killed? He knew Connor had died once before. During the hostage situation some years back. He returned, but only because CyberLife sent him out. He wasn't sure of the specifics, but he was positive after the whole revolution thing that a deviant RK800 would not be revived. If Connor died, he was dead.

Christ.

"You're stressed. Don't be." Connor's voice startled him. There he was, still dressed in the standard android uniform. The glowing armband, his model number, the triangle on the back. "If the killer's still there, he won't get far. And we have plenty of replacement parts and thirium, and I know enough to keep Hank alive, if need be. We'll be fine."

Connor ran his fingers through Xavier's hair, then ran a thumb across his cheek.

"Good luck out there you guys." Xavier stood up and hugged Connor tight. He hesitated a moment before hugging Hank, but did it anyway. "Come back alive."

"I'm sure we will, kid. See ya in a few hours."

And now Xavier was alone.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xavier's gonna have a heart attack at this rate

"Sumo, should I go after them?" Xavier asked the Saint-Bernard, squishing his face and staring into his eyes. "You don't think they'll get hurt, right?"

Sumo licked his face.

Xavier patted him and took a deep breath.

They're fine. They're fine. If they find the killer, they'll take them down, right? Connor knew how to fight. But what about Hank?

There was a pit of cold fear deep in his stomach. Sumo nudged Xavier's face with his nose and tried to peek at him.

They'll be fine. They'll be fine. They'll be fine.

Fuck, maybe he should go.

What would he do if they died?

Realistically

he would kill himself.

But that was too brash, wasn't it?

They were all he had anymore. Losing them forever--

Sumo cuddled him as he began to hyperventilate. It was suffocating in here. He couldn't see a thing through the mix of tears and colored splotches in his vision.

No. No. He was not going to fucking do this. He was going to fucking chill out. Actually, he was gonna throw up. He quickly ran to the bathroom. Sumo sat next to the door and greeted him cheerfully once he came back, limbs tired.

"They always come back, don't they, Sumo?" Xavier asked quietly. "They're smart. Know what they're doing. I'm gonna be stronger from here on out." Sumo licked his cheek. He was still having a panic attack whether he liked it or not, though. He kept the TV on the news, holding his breath.

A newscaster at the scene. Talking quickly into the microphone.

'We have confirmed reports of shots fired. The condition of the investigators are currently unknown, we're waiting patiently for updates...'

He refused. He absolutely fucking refused. No. They were not going to fucking die.

The SWAT team seemed to be storming the junkyard.

The overhead camera panned to two figures-- one that was absolutely Connor. And the other that had a gun pointed at his head.

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. Oh god no.

'Detective Connor, RK800, has started speaking to the perp...'

Connor took out his gun.

Xavier was helpless, watching this all from the TV screen. He wanted to dive in and help, cause a distraction, anything but sitting at home.

He grabbed his keys with trembling hands, fighting for his breath back.

Then he heard a gunshot and sounds of surprise from the newscasters.

'Another shot fired! We're going back to Pam on the other end. Pam?'

"S-Sumo, be a good boy, okay?" Xavier whispered, patting him before scurrying out to his car.

Connor could take a few shots, right? Where was Hank? Was he okay? Fuck, he was driving too fast on these fucking icy streets. He drove and drove until he saw the helicopters and the SWAT vans. He felt like he was going to vomit.

Fuck fuck fuck.

He dashed out of his car, almost slipped on a patch of ice, and got the attention of a police woman.

"Excuse me," he panted, searching the area as much as he could. "Where's Lieutenant Anderson? And Connor, the RK800?"

"Lieutenant Anderson is in medical care."

"Fuck! What happened!" Christ!

"He's been shot in the arm, but he's not in any major danger. They took him out of the scene, and now the RK800--"

Gunshots. Lots and lots of gunshots. His knees went weak.

It was very, very cold outside.

His fingers were numb. It was hard to breathe. His heart was in his throat.

"The perp's down." came a voice from the radio.

"And the android?" asked another voice.

The snow was cold on his legs.

"It'll be fine."

He'll be fine.

What the fuck did that mean?

"Did- did he get shot?" Xavier asked weakly.

"I know as much as you do, sir." she said quietly.

What did that mean?

What the fuck did that mean?

Xavier dashed over to ambulance, hoping to catch Hank and maybe his fucking breath.  
  


Hank blinked several times. "Xavier? What the fuck are you doin' here?"

"I-I saw on the news! Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a bullet to the arm. Easy fix." Hank motioned to the bandage. "It's Connor I'm worried about. Wreckless bastard." He looked at the policemen around. "Let this guy in, he's with me."

Xavier wearily walked over to Hank and sat down.

"Is he okay? Do you know?" Xavier begged.

Hank looked down, then over to where the police and ambulance were crowding. Like moths to a flame.

"He can take a ton of hits. I'm sure he'll be fine." Hank said after a few moments. "Hell, he shot himself in the stomach to shoot a guy, and he doesn't feel pain. Lucky bastard."

"Please stop moving your arm so much, sir." A paramedic said firmly.

"Hey, don't cry." Hank said to Xavier, who'd only been feeling the stress aches and pains and the biting cold. "You have my word. Connor's fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A SHOT TO THE HEART  
> AND YOURE TO BLAME  
> YOU GIVE LOVE  
> A BAD NAME


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ao3 being down saved a lot of drafts of chapter 21... i dont know if one of the like 4 drafts of that chapter got posted or not, but i cleaned it up i hope lmao

"Hank! Xavier!" Connor exclaimed.

They turned their heads like dogs to a doorbell.

"Are you alright, Hank?" He sat between the two of them. Xavier began touching him in shock. His clothes were stained blue. Something about it was horrifying. Not 'something' about it. Everything about it.

But he was alive and drinking more thirium.

He was alive! Xavier pulled the android into a big hug, which led Connor to chuckle softly.

"I sort of expected to see you here, Xavier. I would've preferred you stay out of danger, though."

Xavier didn't say anything, but let go and held Connor's hand tightly. Connor pulled him close and continued his talk.

"Unfortunately the killer's been killed himself. Which means no motive." he sighed. Seeing Xavier with blue blood over him, red eyes and puffy face was worrying. "But we do know his address, which we'll be visiting tomorrow after the other team does a sweep."

"Ugh, not Gavin's team..." Hank groaned.

"Unfortunately, yes, Gavin's team. I'm going to get cleaned up so I don't stain your car, Hank." he looked at Xavier. "Xavier?"

"What?" he shivered.

"... We'll talk about it at home."

-

Sumo barked happily as the men returned. Hank bent down and pet him for a while.

"Told ya he'd be fine. That bucket a' bolts can probably take twenty more shots like that. As long as none of em are to the head."

"That can be said for anyone, though." Connor called from the washroom. "The getting shot in the head part."

He disposed of his clothes-- there was no saving them. Only one CyberLife uniform left, he noted. Then he looked to the kitchen, where Xavier sat. Distant. Still covered in his blood. Shit. Poor guy. He wiped off the blood from himself, pulled on something quickly (which was just a black tee shirt and some PJ pants) and walked over.

"You should shower. Having all that blood does make you look like a badass, but if it stays on too long, you could get a rash." Connor explained.

Xavier looked up at him.

"You're the one with bullet holes all in you." he said quietly, eyes darting to his arms, then back up. His face screwed up-- tears filled his eyes, but he pushed them back and clenched his fists. "What the fuck is wrong with you two?? Y'all just go to fucking crime scenes with active killers to investigate? Is that how it fuckin' works here?"

"Well, most flee the scene. The killer was hiding very well beneath some cars." he took an unneeded deep breath. "I'm sorry we worried you. But this is our job. I'll start the shower for you."

"No-- you don't have to." Xavier got up, but paused. "What about you? And Hank?"

"They cleaned me up earlier, kid. I'm fine."

"And I can clean myself in the other bathroom." Connor explained. But Xavier didn't seem satisfied with that answer.

"What about your bullet holes?"

"My body will repair itself."

"Hey boys, I'm gonna go to the station. Pick up some beer after. What kind d'ya like, Xavier?" Hank got up.

"I-I'm not picky. Stay safe, Hank. Please."

"I will."

Once Hank left, Connor understood the sudden decision.

"You don't need any repairs?"

"Nope. He didn't hit anything vital."

Connor hugged Xavier back tightly. He could feel how fast his heart was beating. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"We can continue this hug after your shower." Connor said softly, pressing a light kiss on Xavier's cheek. "Make sure you clean all the thirium off."

Xavier nodded, hand to his cheek, catching his breath.

Xavier was a broken person. He had no one else but Connor and Hank, and the fact that things like this investigation could end in their deaths-- and almost did, in Connor's situation... He touched the bullet hole next to his heart. What would Xavier do?

Suicide. And if Xavier kept this stress up, a heart attack.

Connor felt choked up. His LED was steady red.

How could he help? He couldn't do it the way professionals could. He wasn't trained for it, the most he could do was momentarily sooth Xavier. But he needed and deserved more help than that. After the shower, he would have a talk about getting a counselor.

He could easily talk to Xavier through the bathroom door. Hell, he could probably open up the door and talk to him from the bathroom sink. But he didn't want to startle the guy. Plus Xavier was naked in the shower, and that was...

Connor reached for his coin-- oh, right. It was in his jacket. He felt some sort of joy looking at the smooth gold of it. It had such a nice weight, too. He sat back at the couch and continued to flick the coin on his thumb. Just focus on the coin. That was it.

But that's not what was happening. There were several ways he could distract Xavier from his crushing depression.

He caught the coin with his fingertip and rolled it to his pinky.

But that would not only ruin the friendship he built up with this wonderful person...

He speared the coin to his other hand, then flipped it up with his thumb, and back to his other hand.

But he would certainly be taking advantage of a mentally unstable man.

The coin fell to the ground. Connor stared at it for a while, LED yellow.

The shower turned off. Xavier was getting dried and dressed.

Connor hated these thoughts. Absolutely hated them. One day they would be okay, when Xavier wasn't crying at every turn. But until the holidays were over, that wouldn't be any time soon. Not that he minded. He wanted Xavier happy first and foremost. That was his mission.

"There. I'm squeaky clean." Xavier sat next to him and gave him a tired look. As soon as Connor met his eyes, his face lit up. "I'm happy you guys are okay."

And he always accomplished his missions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how much does this bitch xavier spend on tissues for his tears
> 
> he needs to invest in a handkerchief
> 
> (im sorry xavier i love you)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they have a small talk

"My bologna has a first name, and it's o-s-c-a-r..." Xavier hummed, tracing the fading bullet hole in Connor's arm.

"According to my data, that's from a very old commercial that doesn't run any more, and hasn't for some time." Xavier tracing the bullet hole was really weird but he was coming down from shock. "How did you get it stuck in your head?"

"I saw a video on it. Something like 'Top 10 Vintage Commercials' or something." he shrugged.

"Interesting." Connor said quietly. He warned Xavier that he was going to remove his skin, causing him to blink several times, then questioned why. "To get rid of the holes. They're stressing you out."

"Why didn't you do that on the scene?"

"Because that's... It makes humans incredibly uncomfortable when done without warning." He usually let them just heal over normally, but today would not be that day. "I suppose I could've done it while you were in the shower. I wasn't really thinking, I guess."

"You're fine, Con* _nerd_ *."

Connor chuckled as the skin from his arms disappeared like melting ice, revealing the shiny white beneath it.

"Oh wow." Xavier whispered. "Can I... touch it?"

"If you want to."

It felt like plastic. Like a mannequin. Xavier's gliding touch along his arm was light, like he was scared he'd break him or something.

"Which one is more comfortable to you?" Xavier took Connor's white hand and inspected it gently, before lacing their fingers.

"It just feels like a change of clothes. But I prefer my skin on."

"It must be cool to be an android." He stopped and his eyes went wide. "I-I mean, like, n-not the whole being like slaves part, o-or, or you know, I mean..."

"I understand what you mean." Connor said softly, squeezing his hand. This felt much more intimate than he imagined. Xavier let out a deep breath and continued.

"When I was a kid, we had media that would tell us robots would become sentient. And that us humans would be killed by them. And that was scary, but I never knew that it would be real." He inspected Connor's arms. The soft rubber on the elbows. The 'muscles'. "I always kinda wanted to be one. Or a cyborg at least. One time I broke my leg and I was so excited cuz for some reason I thought they'd give me a prosthetic so I could look like a robot."

"Aren't you cute?" Connor said lightly.

"Yeah?" Xavier snorted. "I was little back then." he looked at Connor, then at his hand. "Is it bad I assumed the plastic would be cold?"

"Most androids are 'warm' regardless. Our running parts make us at least 96 degrees." He turned his skin back on-- except for his right hand, which Xavier was holding. "Xavier, what I was gonna say at the junkyard."

Xavier leaned on his shoulder, messing with his white fingers and the glowing blue joints. "Hmm?"

"Please don't get the idea I want to see any less of you. I adore the time we spend together, and would enjoy spending months at a time with you." How could he put this? "But I think making more friends would be a big help to you. You've got a wonderful personality."

"I don't think you've seen much personality from me, Con. I've been crying for the past month and a half."

"While that's true, I * _have_ * seen it. Your joy and excitement when you get us things, how absolutely animated you get when you talk about hockey, coffee, and things you like..." Goddamn if his thiruim pump got any faster he was sure he'd malfunction. "And your smile, it's absolutely lovely." he tried to regulate himself. Xavier put Connor's hand to his racing chest as well, squeezing it.

"If I knew this would turn into a compliment test, maybe I wouldn't've asked." he admitted, blushing.

"Xavier, I don't want to find you dead." Connor said solemnly. "It seems like we're the only two you have. I want to make friends for you. I want you to-- to be happy. If something happens to us, where will you be? Where will you go? We face situations like earlier often enough for us to get a reward for risking our lives." He was only half-joking, but the plaque was somewhere in the house.

"I... I don't know. Making friends isn't easy once you're out of school." Xavier felt Connor relax into the couch. Xavier nestled his head in Connor's neck and squeezed his hand. "But... I'll try. Because you're right. But the odds of me wanting to live if you guys get killed are super low regardless."

"Then who will be the handsome barista at the cafe? Everyone will miss out on that smile of yours. I know what's happened to you is hard and unfair, but you're very strong."

"Connor... I'll do it. I'll make friends. If not for me, then for you."

Connor smiled warmly. "What's your goal in life?"

"My goal? Uh, shit, I dunno. I always wanted a coffee shop of my own, but I never really shot myself to that goal, you know?"

"Let's work to get you a coffee shop of your own. Whether Hank and I are here to help or not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh i wish i were an oscar meyer weiner, cuz thats what i'd truly like to be, or actually i wish that i was xavier, cuz then connor would be in love with me


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more christmas plan talk

****

The festival was soon. And Christmas was only three weeks away. Hank came back with a little Christmas tree and hard apple cider.

"For the table. Xavier, ya wanna big ol' Christmas tree?"

Xavier blinked a few times. "Shit. I'll decorate whatever you buy, man."

"Don't say that, we'll only have this table tree to decorate." Connor said quickly, inspecting the table topper and the small ornaments that came with it. "Let's do it as big as we can this year."

"Alright, we'll go look for a tree tomorrow. Xavier,"

Xavier stood attention.

"you're gonna be our warm drinks guy."

Xavier snorted. "Deal. But I'll have to make them from the store, since I don't have my coffee stuff here." He paused and looked out the window, as if he could glean his apartment from there. "My family and I used to buy a special ornament each year for the tree. Or make them, sometimes. Do you guys wanna do that too?"

"I can certainly buy one." Connor nodded. "Do you want to see what we have already?"

"Sure."

"Hank, I'm going to show him the ornaments!"

"... I know, I was standin' right here when you told 'em."

Xavier laughed softly and followed Connor to the hall closet.

He pulled out a big box and dusted it off. Inside were, well, Christmas ornaments. Big shiny baubles, some with stripes, fancy snowflakes, some just plain red, blue, white. Nothing particulatly exciting except for the idea of Connor and Hank decorating a Christmas tree.

Then he moved the box down on the ground and opened up the second one. This was the cute shit here! The tiny Santa ornaments, the random object ones, one shaped like whiskey, reindeer, candy canes...

Oh god, the thought of spending Christmas with Connor was exciting. Martha would absolutely love him. Wait. Fuck.

"I prefer a more uniform look to the trees," Connor said, bending down to assess the Christmas lights. "while Hank puts on what he likes. He also likes colored lights. Which do you prefer?"

"Colored lights too, actually." Xavier chuckled. Christmas without Martha.

"See? Told ya they were better!" Hank called from the kitchen.

"Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. I'm excited to decorate with you regardless." Connor said.

God, he was so goddamn sweet. Oh, and he found some Santa hats too, with an almost child-like smile on his face. But it fell as he held the two regular sized Santa hat, and one small enough for Sumo.

"We need to get some new hats." he began putting the boxes back up carefully with Xavier's help. "Maybe elf hats this year."

They were in the kitchen again, with Hank eating an orange.

"You can be the elf. I think I fit the Santa role just fine." Hank chuckled. "Xavier, you can be... Uh... Frosty. Since you're always cold."

"That means I get a sweet top hat." grinned Xavier. "I'm all over it." he found himself looking over at Connor. Why was his LED yellow? He was looking down at the table, too.

"I found all the Christmas songs from last year." he looked back up with a big grin. "Even 'Step Into Christmas'."

"Fuck, Connor, if you sing that song as much as you did last year, I'm gettin' that program deleted." Hank snorted.

Xavier's chest fluttered.

Hopefully this Christmas wouldn't be too bad. And the idea of Connor singing was almost overwhelming. The joy the android had seemed to radiate through the entire house, and it melted Xavier's heart. He wanted to be there for moments like this. For the sad moments, too. For the funny moments, the scary moments, he wanted to spend the holidays together with him. With Hank too, of course. But Hank was a different sort of friendship.

Martha would be so goddamn happy to see this. She'd probably talk all about Connor and him, for hours on end. Then get side-tracked and talk about something waay off topic, but bring it back to Connor in the end. Maybe Connor would've liked her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its christmas in june


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a familiar face

"What are you doing?" Connor shivered as Xavier's fingers brushed his back.

"Looking for the tag." He found it, pulled it out, then nodded.

"You can just ask me for my clothes size. I'm a medium in shirts." he decided to tell Xavier his measurements in general, and his pants size. "Why? Are you gonna get me a matching sweater?" he motioned to the 'I'M WITH STUPID' sweater Xavier had on. Xavier smiled some.

"Maaybe. I don't wanna spoil surprises for y'all." he paused for two seconds. "Okay. Well, I do plan on buyin' y'all some clothes. You both like dress shirts, at least. I already got Hank's sizes." then he looked at Connor's pants just long enough for Connor to know what he was gonna ask next.

"Yes, I do wear underwear."

"Boxers? Briefs? Both?"

"Briefs."

"Got it."

Xavier had many more questions stemming from the underwear question, but decided not to ask any of them. It was for the best, they'd both decided in their minds.

"So you like solid colors, Hank likes all sorts of funky shit." he chuckled. "I think the funky shit fits him, though."

"I agree. He's got a unique sense of style that only he can pull off!" he took a breath and then took Xavier's hand. Xavier squeezed it and looked at Connor with soft eyes. Admiring Connor's smile, his hair, his outfit, the way the android was breathing, which turned into an excited little laugh. Christ, were people allowed to be this cute? "Sharing Christmas with you... I'm really excited."

"That makes two of us."

"Three!" Hank called from the living room, starling Xavier. Connor gasped, let go of Xavier's hand and went to whisper something to Hank.

"No shit we're gonna put lights on the house. But you gotta get on the ladder this time."

"Do we have enough colored lights?"

"We'll buy some more." Then Connor whispered something else as Xavier closed the closet door and grabbed himself an orange from the fruit bowl. "You like those things?" Hank said to Connor. "They're tacky as hell. But fine, we'll get one."

"Xavier, do you think big, inflatable candy canes in the yard are tacky?" Connor asked, LED yellow.

"Buddy, my family won best decorated in the city ten years in a row. I've seen worse." He had to grab a knife to take the peel off the orange. "The tackiest shit is the Santa dressed up as a cowboy."

"What about Santa on a motorcycle?"

"We're gettin' the cheapest one, Connor." Hank said firmly, but there was still a fond smile on his face. "But we'll figure it out tomorrow."

"Hank, how's your arm?" Xavier tossed the orange rinds in the trash.

"Still hurts, but lucky me, they gave me some good painkillers." he shrugged. "And Connor here won't let me forget to take care of it, so ya don't have to worry."

-

Today was the day. Sunny. The snow was glittering almost, soft and powdery. His muffler did a good job of him not freezing his face off, but he was certainly the odd one out with such heavy clothes while the other two had only coats and long sleeves.

The park was already sporting some holiday decor. Wreaths, a spot for the big Christmas tree, and workers were stringing lights around the lamps and trees. Families were roaming around with hot drinks and street food.

"Connor, Hank!"

"Oh, good morning, Kara! How are you?"

Kara was beautiful. Xavier just blinked for a few moments, struck in the heart by a pretty lady.

"I'm doing fine. Oh, who's this?" she turned to Xavier, who was now extra thankful he had the muffler covering most his face.

"Xavier, my close friend." Connor smiled and took his hand proudly. Goodness, this was too much. But not enough for him to run away yet.

Kara smiled and shook Xavier's other hand.

"Nice to meet you, Xavier."

"You t-too, K-Kara." he said weakly. AK400s could do that to their hair?

"Where's Alice and Luther?"

"At the house, I'm out getting gifts right now!"

"Let us know if you need help, alright?" Hank said, hands in his pockets.

"Thank you, but I've got it. Hey-- I'm thinking of having a party on the 20th. If you three aren't busy, you're invited to come."

"You would... You'd let me do that?" Connor asked quietly, squeezing Xavier's hand, thumb finding its way through his glove to find some comfort in the heat of Xavier's skin. "After all that happened?"

"Of course. I'll message you. See you all real soon. Nice meeting you, Xavier!" With that, she left to the department store, a big smile on her face.

"Wow, she's pretty." Xavier removed his glove entirely and let Connor hold his hand. Jeez, the android's hands were warm. "You know her?"

"We chased her an' her kid down a busy highway. Somehow everyone survived." Hank explained as they continued their promenade to the tree place.

"I-I was different back then. I'm not that type of... of machine anymore."

"We were both different people back then. But we all learn from our mistakes, don't we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kara go up


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trees

"Holy shit. Where are the normal-sized trees?" Xavier whispered, looking up at the towering pine trees in shock.

"Good question. Lord knows we won't even be able to tie it to my car." Hank continued forward, eye out for the smaller trees.

"It'll tip over for sure." Xavier snorted.

Connor had been quieter than usual after the talk with Kara. Listening, as always, but didn't interject as much. Still, he held Xavier's hand tight, looking at his 'close friend' to gauge how he was feeling, then looking around at the big-ass trees. Usually they placed the smaller trees at the entrance, but this year was different for some ungodly reason. At least they would all end up smelling nice.

Xavier noticed, of course, but he wanted to wait a while to bring it up, no matter how worrying the constant yellow light on his temple was.

It was easy to get lost in the sea of pine trees and snow. It felt like an hour before they finally got their bearings and found the normal sized trees.

"Alright. We're finally here." Hank sighed and turned to face them. "Go ahead boys, pick out the tree of your dreams."

Xavier felt like a child almost. He wasn't sure if he even deserved to have Christmas with them. But it was happening, and it was better for him to get over it.

Connor, of course, had scoped out the most full and even tree the moment they stopped, but figured it would ruin the whole trip if they just grabbed a tree and got out.

Xavier hesitantly let go of Connor's hand and went to look around, bending down to inspect the gaps, sizing the trees-- looking at the price tags at many of them and quickly looking at a different tree.

It wasn't until Xavier made his way to the tree Connor had deemed 'perfect' that someone came by.

"Need help?" It was an android. Surprisingly, a non-deviant. Xavier had no idea how deviancy spread, and saw Connor lift his hand-- white and shiny-- before putting it down with the skin back on.

"Do you guys have any, I dunno... Cheaper trees this size? 100 is really exp--"

"It's fine."  Hank took a sip of his coffee. "Don't worry about it."

Connor was staring at the android, deep in thought.

"Connor. Whatcha think of the tree?" Xavier asked. Hank looked expectantly.

"Hm?" Connor blinked. "Oh. Yes, this tree is well worth the money." he looked back to the android. "Where do we take it?"

So they paid for the tree. Getting it over to the car took some time, and Connor kept looking at the worker. It wasn't until they were all about to part ways that Connor shook it's hand. Then the android opened its eyes.

"Alright, stop one is done. I'm thinkin' we shoulda saved this for last, cuz now we gotta drive to the store with a tree strapped to my car."

"They used the special lock and wire to put it on." Connor was troubled. Xavier took his hand and held it tight. "They would be better off stealing it from the lot than they are the car. Unless they steal the car as well, but that's a different problem entirely."

"Who'd want this piece of junk?" Hank snorted.

"It's a piece of history!" Xavier exclaimed.

"Nah."

They stopped by a coffee shop again for refills, which gave Xavier ample time to talk to Connor. He pulled him aside and into the alley.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

"I'm... I'm all wrapped up in the past." Connor shook his head. He couldn't look at Xavier, his head was spinning. "I can't believe Kara would even stop and say hello to me after everything I did to her when I was... the old me." he sighed, pressing Xavier's hand to his cheek. "And that WB200... I-I turned it-- him, I mean-- deviant on a whim. I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do. Maybe telling the manager, or letting any other worker may have been a better idea. Sometimes," he let out a deep breath. "I think ignorance is bliss. I don't know if waking him up like that was a good idea, but letting him continue just working for no pay, just a machine taking orders, I..."

Xavier pulled him into a big, warm hug. Running fingers through Connor's hair before letting his hands rest on the back of his neck and the small of his back.

"I don't wanna lie and say I know what that feels like." he admitted. "I don't know how all that works. But personally... I think you did the right thing with that android. He's free now."

Connor buried his face in Xavier's neck and sighed.

"And about Kara..."

Connor tensed.

"I don't know her well, but she did look really happy to see you guys. Forgiving yourself is hard, though... I know that much. But like Hank said in the car, and like you just said. You were different back then. And I think helping a revolution as much as you did? I think that makes you a worthy contender of forgiveness anyway."

"Why would she forgive me?" Connor knew Xavier didn't have the answers. But feeling his chest vibrate when he spoke was comforting.

"Because you're a good guy, Connor." Xavier said softly.

Connor touched Xavier's arm and brought his hand back so he could lace their fingers together.

"I'm sorry for my attitude." he cleared his throat. "I hope it won't affect any... any feelings you held for me."

Xavier placed a small kiss on Connor's cheek (Connor was surprised his heart could beat this fast without him passing out), and smiled warmly. "Connor, you've seen me at my worst. I want you to know that I'm here for you the same way you're here for me."

Connor smiled back.

"Well, now that we're here for each other," he took a look to the coffee place.  "let's be there for Hank in the cafe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmmmmm we are human  
> hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm after all  
> hmmmmmmmmmmm thats uncommon  
> mmmmmmmmm after all
> 
> dont put the blame on mee  
> im only human  
> after all
> 
> wait wrong song


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shopping montage

"You two through with the little makeout in the alley?" Hank chuckled through his drink. He slid the second one over to Xavier, who was blushing furiously.

"It was just a talk," Connor said defensively. "nothing more."

Hank still had a small smile.

"Thank you for the coffee." said Xavier.

"No problem. Not as good as yours, of course, but hey. It'll do."

"I'll buy some coffee stuff at the store, and you guys can keep it at your house. Show you guys the ropes while I'm at it." he winked. "Are we ready?"

With a resounding yes, they got back in the car and went to the store.  
  


Christmas music. No shit, it was December. But there was something magical about it. How it danced through the store like flurries of snow. The colors were so vibrant, and it smelled like gingerbread. Even the harsh florescents seemed warmer, but that was probably wishful thinking.

The holiday section of the store was huge. Connor immediately made a beeline for the inflatables, and scanned the three 'of interest' ones.

Candy Cane. $19.99. This was the most likely choice.

Motorcycle Santa. $99.99. Damn.

And the one Xavier was looking at. Snowman with a Saxophone. $79.99.

Hank made his way over with the cart. He'd already grabbed some lights and garland.

"What did you guys decide on?" he asked.

Xavier was next to Connor suddenly, looking at the cheaper inflatables, crouched down, sipping his coffee, going over them deep in thought. Then he looked over to the decorations in the cart, then back at the aisle.

"I suggest a snowman." Connor said. This very simple snowman was considerably cheaper than the other one, but unfortunately didn't have a saxophone.

"Yeah, the snowman would look good, and we can get some little candy cane paths." Xavier suggested. Then he sipped the coffee again.

Connor wanted coffee.

He adjusted his tie and imagined how the snowman and candy canes would look in the yard.

"I like it. But I think it needs something more..." Connor stroked his chin and left without a word to wander the aisles.

"I can help pay for this stuff." Xavier told Hank as he shed most of his jackets.

"Don't worry about it. He's havin' fun. I'll entertain it for Christmas' sake." he replied warmly. "And we can always sell the decorations in Feburary."

Xavier snorted. Connor came back with another inflatable.

"I know we're not in the North Pole, but that's why it's funny." he said, clearly amused with it. "Xavier, you're our expert. How would this look in the yard?"

"Hell yeah, man." he nodded.

"Alright. Wanna still do the special ornaments, guys?" Hank was making his way over regardless.

They looked over the vast array of miscellaneous ornaments. There were the very simple holiday ones. Reindeer, Santa, stars, religious stuff... Then came the random objects, like a pickle, Jack Daniels (Hank took that one), video game consoles, soda cans, more food shapes... Ah, there was a good one. A coffee cup! Xavier took that one, now all that was left was Connor. He seemed to be scanning the area like it was a crime scene.

Until he happened upon an ornament shaped like a fish. He took it gingerly and put it in the basket.

"That's the cutest one. It can swim in the booze and coffee." Xavier grinned.

"The few seconds it lives, it would be either in bliss or in absolute agony." said Connor with a small laugh.

"You gonna buy your coffee shit today? Might as well get it out of the way now."

"Good plan."

And finally, they were back in the car and soon, back home. Sumo greeted Hank excitedly as he came through the door.

Then the tree and Connor came through the door.

Xavier trailed helplessly after, hands out like he wanted to assist Connor. But Connor easily got the tree set up in the corner of the house with no problem or help needed.

"I forgot how strong you were." Xavier fanned his face.

"Sometimes I wish Thirium would give us the strength of androids." Hank mused. "Anyway, since the tree's up, we can decorate it now. We'll do the yard... eventually."

They started with the lights. Connor had no doubt in his mind the colored lights would clash with the regular ornaments, but you know what? It didn't matter. Like he did with Hank last year with the failed popcorn garland and the tinsel, it would be a tree of their own.

Then the garland and some tinsel.

It was looking nice already! Xavier was impressed, at least. And they dragged out the ornaments from the hall closet and put those up. The tree slowly filled up, looking more and more interesting. Even more interesting were the emotions filling Xavier's chest.

This was Christmas. If he had nothing else, he had this memory. Laughing with Connor and Hank, talking about the good times he had with his family, talking about how a few years back, Martha's tree fell when they tried to put the star on, about how a drunk Hank wrapped himself up with some leftover garland and started singing 'O Christmas Tree', and how Connor ended up melting candy canes in his hands one winter night. It was fun.

"Oh shit, I forgot about the hats." Xavier said. Connor placed the soft Frosty hat on his head. Put the Santa hat on Hank's head. And fitted the elf hat on his own head. "Damn. We look good." Xavier concluded. His face hurt from smiling so much. "Are you guys working tomorrow?"

"Yeah, gotta go back to the station." Hank obviously didn't want to. "But hey, we had fun today. Tomorrow ain't gonna change that."

"When do you leave?"

"Connor's early ass likes to be there by 7 in the morning."

"At the latest." Connor chimed in.

"And I get in around noon. Cuz fuck it."

"Why do you ask?" Connor asked.

"I'm gonna wash the coffee stuff and brew you guys something nice. Something for the holidays."

Connor's light was yellow again. Coffee was such an integral part of Xavier's person. There was always so much pride and joy, so much excitement when he talked about it. And yet Connor's never even had it. His fingers clenched against the couch cushion. He had to try it. Even if it was just a sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do it you won't


	28. Chapter 28

He was used to waking up with Connor. If the man's arms weren't wrapped around him, they were holding a book or flipping a coin or twirling a pen. Each time it felt... good. Like this is where he was meant to be. Even if he didn't feel like he deserved the love and affection he was being given, it made Connor happy, so he tried not to get too wrapped up in this negativity.

Waking up this morning felt different. There was a slight draft on his side and Connor's hand was on the exposed skin. Why did Connor like touching his skin so much? Not a complaint by any means-- Xavier was head to toe in skin. Connor finding comfort in him at any capacity made his heart race.

Why hadn't he felt this way about previous boyfriends? Even the one he was with for years, he'd never felt this level of comfort and safety with someone else. Not even the guy he stayed in Detroit for.

"I hope I didn't disturb you," Connor said quietly, thumb running along the sensitive skin on his side. "you're very warm."

"You're fine, Bob." he scooted even closer, chest to chest, face groggily buried in Connor's shirt. Connor's hand tracked to his back, where it rested comfortably for a while.

"Did you sleep well?" Connor asked. Xavier's hands were running up Connor's shirt. The android was positive he'd blow up with all the emotions he was having. The hand rested lazily on his side, fingers occassionally brushing against his back as Xavier spoke.

"Yeah, actually. Had a dream we went to a sub shop. Except the subs * _sandwiches_ * were actually submarines. You were really pissed off because they wouldn't put the periscope on yours, and my sub was yellow even though I asked for blue with olives."

Connor laughed. Xavier scooted even closer to him and held him close.

"Were the subs in question the size of a sandwich? Or an actual submarine?" he was certainly tickled by human dreams, because he was still giggling.

"The size of a sandwich. They kinda floated in the air like fish? So I guess that has to do with your fish ornament." Xavier shrugged. "Do you like fish?"

"Yes." Connor nodded. "I have a tank in my room, but the fish aren't real. I don't think I could properly take care of a fish."

"Why's that?" his breath faltered as Connor ran his hand up to Xavier's ribs. Thinner skin there. Every sensation was electric. "You guys take care of Sumo really well."

"While that is true, fish are very complex. And the three fish I'd like to have will kill each other in the tank. And changing the water constantly... It's a lot of work, and I don't want to kill a poor fish."

"Alright, alright. I can respect that. What kinda fish do you have in that tank?"

"I can show you. Though I'm extremely comfortable and don't really wanna get up." Connor admitted. "It's not every day I get to wake up next to someone like you."

Xavier almost lost his breath as Connor ran his fingers along his face. His neck. Xavier looked at Connor's lips for just a moment. The idea of pressing his own lips against Connor's was stronger than any urge he'd felt before. Just kiss him.

"I mean, I've been here for a while." he looked back at Connor's eyes. "Probably overstayed my welcome a long time ago."

"If you had, Hank certainly wouldn't be letting you pick out Christmas things with us. I do want you to go to your own apartment for your own sake. But I'm sort of selfish when I say I want you to stay here so we could stay like this for a while."

Xavier was gonna die. Or cry. He pressed a tender kiss to Connor's jaw, then looked back up into his eyes.

"Please let me know if I'm going too far, Xavier." Connor said softly. "Even if it seems small. I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me."

"I've never felt more at home." Xavier smiled. "But I do have two questions."

"Shoot."

"I don't have my gun." Xavier snorted. Connor giggled. "Um. Why do you touch my skin so much?" Connor immediately removed his hand, but Xavier pulled it back to his side and squeezed. "There's nothin' wrong with it."

"It's nice. It smells nice, it's soft, warm, it's a part of you." he was flustered. "Something about me instinctively wants to touch it. To touch you. I can feel your blood pumping through your skin. And see your veins. It's interesting. I've... never been this intimate before. Especially with a human."

Xavier pressed his hand against Connor's back. There he could feel a fan whirring. Connor was not human. Xavier should have cared about that. But he didn't. For some reason he couldn't bite back the smile tugging at his lips.

"Your second question?"

"Can I see your fish tank?"

"Of course!"

The two got up, Xavier stretched, popped his back and admired Connor for a moment, then opened the door.

"Oh, I have a question for you too."

"Yeah?"

"I want to taste your coffee. I've been researching most of the night, going over my biocomponents and the troubleshooting and instruction manuals for all the androids that have them. I can taste. I can ingest samples for scanning, and yet I've never had a bite to eat or a sip to drink." he opened his door and continued. "I've come to the conclusion I can safely consume drinks like a human can. What I'm not sure of, however, is how my body will dispose of it."

"Y-you really wanna try my coffee?" Why was this getting him so emotional? "Okay! Just black coffee? Or do you want, like, a cappuccino or an espresso or a latte?" God, his voice cracked.

"I'll start with the basics, Xavie." Connor said lightly. "I want to get a taste of the black coffee itself. I know you bought several beans last night, too. Just give me what you think a beginner would like."

God, he could not stop smiling. He hugged Connor tight and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. "Okay!" he took a deep breath and managed to take his eyes off his friend before realising for the second time that they were in Connor's room. "But let me stare at your fish first."

Connor had a full-sized bed with deep navy blankets. Made like a hotel bed, with the small stuffed dog Xavier got him next to the pillow. The fish tank was opposite the bed  and it had to be at least 30 gallons. There were little android fish swimming through the ceramic castles and plant life. For a moment Xavier wondered if these fish could turn deviant. Connor even had a bubbler set up, like the fish in there needed the oxygen in the water. Ooh, a tiny plastic treasure chest with a skeleton pirate guarding it. God, Xavier was giddy.

"You like betta fish." Xavier said, watching the android fish swim about.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?"

"Do you want another android fish to plop in here?" he asked. "They won't eat each other, right?"

"No, they won't. If you're thinking a new fish for a Christmas gift, I will gladly accept it."

"Score." Xavier looked around the room some more. Oh, a corkboard. With concert tickets and a photo pinned to it. Was that Hank and Connor meeting the band members of Knights of the Black Death? Holy shit! And over here, a picture of some trees during the fall. Lots of pictures of Sumo, even one with him in a birthday hat and a dog cake. How cute. Against the other wall was a small bookshelf, populated with crime novels. A few magazines- ones about the revolution, with Markus' face on them. Then about the looming war, but that was the last one to catch Xavier's eye. "How old is Sumo?" Xavier asked as they walked to the kitchen. Damn, Sumo must be in Hank's room.

"He is 7 years and 248 days old."

Fuck.

"He's healthy, though, so we suspect he may live to be over 10 years old." Connor watched Xavier as he began to work.

"I hope so. He's a good dog."

Xavier ran hot water over the french press and started to do his magic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these dumbasses are killin me


	29. Coffee

Coffee was supposed to make you jittery after you drank it. Not before. His hands were shaking out of... anxiety? Why was he anxious? There was no reason to be. Especially with how handsome the man making it looked, his hair messy, still yawning at times. As it brewed, he went through the cupboards, looking for a nice cup. Finally he landed on a regular white mug, cleaned and rinsed it out real nice.

"Gonna tell you right now. It's coffee. This is a medium roast, so it's not gonna be too bitter, but still more bitter than, like, any speciality coffee, or the sweet and sugary stuff."

"I don't have any other coffee to compare it to." Connor tilted his head. "I noticed you like your coffee with a lot of milk and sugar."

"Yup. I'm not * _that_ * picky, but I can't drink any coffee black." he stuck out his tongue. "You're a brave man, Connor."

Connor chuckled. "I suppose I am. Your timer's finished."

Xavier pressed the plunger down slowly until it reached the bottom of the press.

"Alright, Bob. Ready for your first taste of coffee?"

"Absolutely."

It smelled heavenly as he poured it in. The contrast of the dark brown of the coffee to the ivory of the mug was beautiful. He looked up at Xavier, who read to be as nervous as Connor was.

"If you don't like it, I don't blame ya. Coffee by itself is a pretty strong taste."

Connor took the mug. Looked at his reflection in the coffee.

He prayed to whatever was out there. RA9, God, Jesus, Buddah, Allah, pretty much any religious figure his database could find, he begged them to let him enjoy this coffee.

Just a small sip.

The flavor bloomed on his tongue (it was very hot, his sensors indicated). Very bitter, yes, but full of flavor and body. He wanted to drink more, but he was smiling too much.

"You like it?" Xavier asked, eyebrows raised, fists clenched in excitement.

"Yes. Yes I do! People get to drink this every day?"

Xavier pumped his fist and hugged him, almost spilling the coffee.

"Yeah! Now I can make both of you guys the Christmas coffee!! Oh my god, dude!! You have no fuckin' clue how stoked I am right now." (He was approximately 99.9% stoked.) "You're not lying to make me feel better, are you?"

"Not at all." God no. This was absolutely delicious. The only things that he'd ever really tasted were... various unfortunate body fluids on crime scenes, actually. Each sip was... Well, he couldn't describe it. But it warmed him up, inside and out. "I won't get the caffeine boost from this, but I will certainly, certainly enjoy drinking it regardless." he smiled.

"Oh my god, dude, I love you. I'm gonna make us the best shit on Christmas."

Xavier sure cursed a lot when he was excited. His eyes were lit up like Christmas lights, brimming with joy and excitement. Connor sipped at the flavorful coffee to hold back the urge to kiss him on the lips. This was the taste of love and joy, and everything Xavier loved in life. He was so, so grateful he could experience it and enjoy it. Xavier poured himself a cup and added creamer and sugar to it and sipped at it, a big, handsome grin on his face.

"You know what you're doing, Xavier. Hank was right." Connor winked, then finished off his mug.

Xavier blinked several times.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Hot coffee isn't something most people drink like that. But I guess you can't feel how painful gulping down almost boiling liquid is, huh?" Xavier chuckled. "That's not gonna damage you, is it?"

Oh. Connor didn't think about that.

"If it does, I think it was entirely worth it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connor fucking dies, more at 11


	30. Chapter 30

Connor had left to the station. With more coffee in a to-go cup. And he'd given Xavier a very sweet kiss on the cheek, too. They met eyes for a while, Connor had revealed his android hand and touched Xavier's face, a soft look in his eyes. Then his gaze went to Xavier's lips-- back to his eyes again, and then they finally parted ways.

Xavier let go of his breath and touched his cheek, sort of embarrassed about his high energy earlier. He closed the door, took a breath, and stood face to face with Hank, who had the biggest grin on his face.

"G-Good morning, Hank!" Xavier sputtered. "You just missed Connor."

"Nah. I'm good." Hank smiled warmly. "I'll see him at the station. Damn, look at you two. Do I gotta save up for a wedding?"

"Androids can't marry humans," Xavier said weakly. "a-anyway... we have two cups of coffee left, still nice and warm!" he walked over to the table, a cocktail of embarrassed and recovering from his moment with Connor.

"So the boy had some coffee..." Hank surmised as Xavier poured him a cup. "I guess he liked it, huh?"

"I think he legitimately liked it. Or he's a damn good liar. Either way, he was really happy." God, this light, fluttery feeling in his chest...

"If I knew my barista would be dating my partner in crime I would've brought 'im into the shop sooner."

Xavier didn't know what to say to that, just fidgeted in his seat.

"I-I'm... I'm... Thank you, Hank." he said after a deep breath. "Everything's been so fucked up lately. You being so supportive means so much to me. I thought I'd be alone this Christmas." he chuckled, biting back happy tears. "Losing Martha, my family shunning me, just... Thank you guys for saving me. And letting me stay at your house for so long, and... Thank you."

Hank squeezed his shoulder.

"No problem, kid. Gotta admit, not used to havin' two people here all the time, and I'm gonna ask nicely the first time for no PDA around me, alright?"

"Y-you have my word, Hank. Do you want more coffee? Cuz... I'm gonna try to get back into my apartment here soon. And maybe sit by Martha's door like a creep or something."

"As long as you don't hurt yourself, go ahead. Keep safe, kid. Want me to drive ya?"

"I've got this. Thanks though. And you be careful too, alright? And you've been taking care of your arm?"

"Yeah, yeah, I cleaned it and disinfected it and took my pills and shit." Hank waved it off. "Oh. And one more thing, Xaiv."

"Yeah?"

"... Never mind."

-

Wow. Mail. Whoops. He gathered the pile of various mail and took them to his car. His magazines came in, his bills-- which needed to be paid-, his junk mail, god this was too much shit, he'd file through it at home.

Home.

He shook his head and went back to the apartment. Took a deep breath as his gloved fingers reached for the doorknob.

He took a quick glance to Martha's door.

"Martha..." his voice cracked. "I'm gonna go in today. I'm gonna go in and stay in."

Deep breath.

Connor wasn't here to hold his hand today. It was Xavier and Xavier alone. If he could make it to the kitchen, he could make it to his bedroom.

But the lights were cut off. No heater, either. Shit.

Stepping foot in here was like wading into a frozen lake. Still, he turned on his phone flashlight and took careful steps, humming 'Holly Jolly Christmas' in between shivers.

The internet and TV were cut off. The gas. And the landlord didn't hound him? He moved the flashlight over to his couch. Pretty much everything was how Jacob had left it last, save for the small clean-up Connor did.

C'mon... Just make it to the kitchen.

The world was spinning, telling him not to go in, danger, your friend was killed right next door-- he looked to the wall that connected their apartments.

"I'm... I'm sorry about what happened to you. I don't know if I could ever forgive Riley." he took halting steps forward, scanning the room with his flashlight with each step. Halfway past the couch. His stomach hurt. Heavy breaths. Unsure. "You'd love Connor and Hank. Hank's a good drinking buddy and friend. Connor's... Connor's special. Martha, do you know what made Riley snap?" he looked to the wall behind the TV, half-expecting an answer (but knowing full well he'd shit his pants if he got one). "Connor says it was a malfunction. That's literally it."

Past the couch, all on his own. His short sense of pride was quickly replaced with a pit in his stomach. Flurries of snow blew into his apartment and shook curtains and papers.

"S-sorry. I wanted a real answer too. You and your family deserve more." he took a deep breath. If he could at least make it to the dining table, that'd be excellent. "Your funeral... It's in January. Long way away. It'll reopen these wounds I've been trying so hard to close." he chuckled sadly. Knees were going weaker with each step. But he had to make it to the table. "They know you hate what a drag holiday funerals are." he paused. "You know what I mean." When he sighed, he saw his breath. It startled him, but he held his grounds. 7 more steps.

"A closed casket funeral... What did he do to you?" he strangled out, blinking back the tears. He read what Riley did to her. She was shot in the head twice. The bile threatened to escape his mouth, but he refused. "I'm gonna be back here. I'm gonna bring Connor. The one who saved me."

The tie was in his room. He looked in that general direction.

2 steps until he reached the kitchen. About 20 to his bedroom.

"You thought he was cute, and damn, you were right. I really... really wish you could've met him. I mean. Your body did. But you didn't." he pulled the icy chair out and sat on it. Put his head on the table.

Let himself breathe.

"Once I get my shit together... Maybe after the holidays, I'm gonna put myself out there. I'm gonna own my own coffee place." he whispered.

He woke up freezing cold. Wow, 12pm already. Cool. And three texts from Connor, and one he wouldn't bother with right now. He got up, shivering violently and went to make some coffee--

Or not. He stood in the hallway entrance, staring at his bedroom door. He only got three steps into the dark hallway before he decided against it. He wanted to go to his car for some warmth, at least. But he made progress today. A lot of it. He would get out some money and pay the bills, then go back in once everything was on.

'People keep commenting on how happy I look. Either I'm getting a placebo affect from the coffee and getting energized regardless of how caffeine interacts with me, or just thinking of you in general brightens my mood. I'm going for the latter. :) -Connor'

Jesus Christ. For a second there Xavier didn't even need the heater blasting his face.

The second message was a picture of a K9 someone brought outside the station with the caption 'And the day just gets better. -Connor'

God, what a cute son of a bitch this guy was.

And the last one was a message.

'Good news, I found out how my body rids itself of liquid it doesn't need. It accumulates inside my reservoir, which I can pour out by hand. Here's to filling said reservoir with all sorts of your drinks. -Connor'

'sorry bob i was asleep when u texted me. is it gay to send u heart emojis cuz thats what i wanna do rn.'

'Send away, dear. -Connor'

Two messages full of hearts didn't feel like enough, but he didn't want to distract Connor too much while he was at work. Christ, he felt like a school girl. But it was better than he's been feeling for some time, so he let it be.

-

He'd just finished paying his bills and buying some Christmas presents and groceries when he got another message. From his father. He cleared the notification with numb fingers. Right now he'd rather be focused on the short term. He could already imagine the profanity in that message. The hard-hitting insults about how worthless Xavier had always been. He didn't need to open it to understand.

He found his key and brought everything inside.

"Don't worry Sumo, I got somethin' for you too." He unwrapped the big bone and placed it in front of him. Sumo gleefully began to chew on it. Brought the presents to his room, put up the groceries, and rubbed his hands together. Then sneezed.

Fuck.

When the two buddy cops got home they were greeted to dinner and a clean house. Though Xavier was nowhere to be seen.

"Anyone home?" Connor called, checking the living room. He kind of wanted to present the chocolates in a romantic way, since that's what humans did to show they cared. Though it didn't take long to decipher that Xavier was in his room.

Connor knocked.

No response.

He didn't want to push it. He knocked once more despite that though.

"Hmmm." came Xavier's response.

"Uh... It's me, Connor."

He muttered something vaguely like 'come in', so Connor did.

The poor guy was sick. Stuffy nose, a hot drink, some chicken noodle soup and a face mask.

"Sorry Connor." Xavier sniffed. "I fell asleep in my apartment and it got me fucked up."

"You went into your apartment?"

"I got to the hallway after I woke up."

Connor smiled proudly. "You're just full of good news. I got you some chocolates, but I'd prefer if you ate them after you get over your cold." he ran his hands through Xavier's messy hair and kissed his forehead. Only a slight fever, he'd be better within three days.

"Thanks, babe." he pulled away quickly, grabbed a tissue and sneezed. Then groaned in misery. "Did Hank get his food?"

"He's eating it right now."

"Good. I wanted to make you something, but we still don't know if you can eat or not..." he leaned on Connor's chest.

"Eating may be a bit harder to process. The liquid reservoir is where my lower intestines would be if I were a human." He mused. His hand turned white and he idly ran his thumb along the top of Xavier's hand. "Perhaps I can convert food to liquid, but only in small amounts. But... I'm not ready to test that yet."

"I get that. We don't have to rush. I'm just happy to see you happy." Xavier said warmly. Then his phone lit up.

"You've got a call."

"It's my dad. Three voicemails so far and they're all the same bullshit."

"I-I'm sorry." Connor cleared his throat. "I wish... I wish I could be human for you sometimes. So you could still have your family."

"Fuck them." Xavier muttered. "They're the ones doing this bullshit. Not you. You don't have to change a damn thing." he turned away to sneeze again and cursed.

"Bless you."

"Thank you." Xavier smiled. "Don't look so down about it. It's not your fault they're backwards as fuck. You're a hell of a lot better than they are, that's for sure."

Connor thanked him, but somewhere deep inside, he knew this was his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connor says 'anyone home?' a lot in the game and its really endearing for some reason


	31. Chapter 31

"Don't respond, dumbass, you're only gonna make it worse." Hank whispered as Connor's finger hovered over the 'call' button.

"You learned to like androids over time," Connor said quietly, as if he was unsure of himself. "by spending time with one and having amicable conversations. I thought that would work as well with his father."

"I hate to break it to ya, but I don't think that's gonna work for this situation." Hank scrolled through some case files and looked over at Connor. "His entire family's full of shit."

"I'm gonna put out my olive branch." Connor said firmly. "If they refuse it, then I'll let it be."

"... Alright. But if you ask me, you're just askin' for trouble."

Connor pressed call and connected to the phone.

Riiiiiiing.

Riiiiiing.

Riiiii--

His heartrate picked up. Maybe this was a mistake but it's too late, he's--

"Hi. I don't recognise your number."

"Is this Ryan Spruce?"

"Yeah? Who're you? Better not be a telemarketer."

"I'm--" he hesitated. Why couldn't he speak? "Connor. I was calling today to get to know you better."

"Connor? I don't know a Connor. You got the wrong number."

Was this a bad idea? This was a bad idea. And yet he kept talking.

"I'm the android involved with your son." Idiot, idiot, idiot.

"The only sons I have are down here with me, you plastic fuck. Don't call me again."

"No-- don't hang up, please-- Xavier needs his family. Please, Mr Spruce. I want to know why you would shun your son over-- over me."

"Fuck, listen to this. It's gonna pretend to cry." leered Mr Spruce.

Connor's light was yellow.

"He's torn up over this. Don't you have any sympathy for your own son? He's lost not only his friend, but his entire family within the same week. He's been so unstable lately." He explained, desperation saturating his voice.

"Fuck off."

Dial tone.

Connor hung up and ran his hands through his hair. He got up and went to the break room. Hank followed after. Watched him get some coffee (which was 'not as good as Xavier's by any means' but still seemed to provide comfort anyway).

"Some people won't change, Connor."

"But I want-- I-I..." Tears? Was he crying? He touched his wet cheeks and went to get a napkin. "It's not fair to him." he sipped the coffee and tried to steady his breathing.

Okay. Alright. He was fine. Just relax. He'll try again before Christmas.

Hank squeezed his shoulder and gave him a sad smile. "Everything'll be alright."

-

Xavier shouted when Connor opened the door.

"Wait, wait, wait! Not yet!" he panicked, throwing his blanket over a pile of presents.

"I'm sorry." Connor said awkwardly and closed it again. The one time he didn't knock was the one time he needed to, apparently. "Um, if you need me I'll be in the living room." He had case files to look over. While it was more enjoyable to do it in Xavier's presence, he could do it by himself.

After writing down two pages of notes, he noticed Xavier come out. He was looking better already, but was still contagious. Unfortunately (for Xavier) he couldn't work for another two days because of this. He sat down at the table with Connor and Hank and asked how their day went.

"Same ol' same ol'." Hank shrugged. "Course, with all this damn snow, I'm sure we're gonna have to investigate sooner than later."

"Wasn't there a man found frozen to death at the park?"

"Yup, but not our investigation. No foul play, just unfortunate."

Xavier nodded quietly. Then he looked at Connor. Connor had been looking down at the journal for a while now, pretending to be busy, but Xavier could tell he was holding his tongue.

"What about you?" he asked, ducking down to meet his eyes.

Connor looked away.

Hank grabbed a beer.

"You alright?" Xavier asked quietly, taking his hand.

"Yes." he lied.

Xavier furrowed his brow.

"Did something happen at the station?" he was concerned. "Or did y'all go to a crime scene or whatever and see something real sick?"

Connor met his eyes for just a moment. Lost the breath he didn't need to breathe. Then back at the notes.

"I contacted your father." he said solemnly.

"Why?" Xavier demanded. "What did he say to you? He's such a fucking prick, don't believe a goddamn word he says to you."

"I wanted to... to make things better." his LED had been yellow for some time. "But," he looked up at Xavier. "I can't. Not right now. I want to apologise for helping your life fall apart in front of you."

"Holy shit, Connor." Xavier sighed and stood up. "Excuse me, Hank, I'm gonna steal your friend real fast."

"Don't gotta tell me twice."

Xavier pulled Connor to his room, locked the door, and brought the android into a warm embrace.

"Why?" Connor's voice shook. Xavier held him tighter. "Haven't you been through enough?" He ran his hands up Xavier's shirt and sighed deeply. The human's heart was racing. Stress level was at about 65%. His white hands travelled to his back where they rested tightly. "If I hadn't continued to approach you as I did, especially around your brother, he never would have told your family. Your misery is on my hands, and it-- it makes it feel even worse. I'm sorry."

"You're the best thing to ever happen to me, dumbass." Xavier growled. Connor gasped quietly. "Stop acting like you did all this shit. They would've done it anyway. The only difference is now they have ammo against me. And you know what?"

"No..." Connor blinked. Even though Xavier was sick he was... He was handsome. Especially up close and * _angry_ *. His body heat was about 99 degrees. Blood pumping. Goosebumps along his skin from Connor's touch.

"I don't give a shit about them. The entire fucking family can fuck themselves. If they don't wanna accept the fact that I love an android, then who fucking cares? They're nothing anyway. I have at least two people who care about me." he sighed, tears falling down his cheeks. Connor buried his face in Xavier's neck, hands up to his shoulders. He was cozy. "Don't feel bad, Connor. Please?"

"I love you." Connor whispered, squeezing him tight. "I--" his artificial breath caught again. "Sorry. I was overcome with emotions." he sputtered. He was gonna pass out for sure.

"I'd kiss you right now, but I'm sick." Xavier said softly, wiping the tear from Connor's cheek.

"I can't catch human viruses." Connor took the hand on his cheek and held it to his thirium pump. It was beating wildly. His cooling fans were working hard.

Xavier chuckled. Fingers ran absently through Connor's hair. Was this real? Was Xavier really kissing him? His mouth tasted like coffee. The programming in him wanted to analyze every taste, every chemical, everything his tongue came in contact with, but the deviant and the romantic in him just melted into Xavier's arms, feeling Xavier's heart race as fast as his own. Who knew he kissed so softly and so nicely?

"Does crying lead to kissing in most cases?" Connor asked quietly as they parted. He wanted to kiss all day. To be connected with Xavier like that again and again and again.

"Well... N-not really. Was that weird? That was weird. I'm sorry. I hope I didn't pressure you or anything, I just wanted you to know that I really meant it. You're the best thing to ever happen to me."

Connor boldly pressed his lips against Xavier's again, but couldn't hide the smile for long.

"And so are you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it only took these assholes 30 chapters


	32. Chapter 32

He kicked the dirt off his boots and took a deep breath, staring at his door. Connor stood next to him patiently. Xavier grabbed the doorknob. Turned. Hesitated.

Pushed it open.

The icy fear had thawed into a dull ache. If he wanted to move on, he'd have to do it himself. With Connor holding his hand it'd be easier, that was for sure. Maybe he'd make it to his room today. Or to the bathroom.

Connor's gaze lingered a moment on Martha's door. Pressed his lips in a thin line, eyebrows furrowed. But continued on with Xavier.

"You paid everything off?" he asked as the lights flipped on and the heater kicked itself into gear.

"If I fall asleep the second time I won't get a cold." Xavier explained. "I just... Wanna live my life, you know?" he glanced around. He'd made it to the middle of the room and seemed pretty proud already.

"I'm proud of you." Connor said softly. "You've come a ways from when I first met you."

"I was bleeding to death, babe, that shouldn't count." Xavier snorted.

Connor laughed. "I suppose you're right. I also suppose you know what I meant."

"I do. Thank you."

Connor made his way to the kitchen and inspected the fridge. Xavier was in the pantry, and going through all his coffee by the smell of it.

"You said you wanted to make it to your bedroom today?"

"Yup."

"So a good incentive would be me laying on your bed in lingerie, wouldn't it?" the android teased. "I should've brought the chocolates."

It was so nice to experience his laughter. His entire face lit up and it started with a small snort.

"You're gonna have to push past the dirty laundry and empty boxes in there." he tapped his chin. "Ah shit. Guess I better try to clean it up before you look in there."

Success.

But Xavier seemed to stop dead in the hallway for some reason. Even though Connor was by his bedroom door. Even though there was no real reason for him not to get to his room. But fear wasn't rational, and Connor knew that.

Xavier's eyes met Connor's for a moment, then went back to his feet, willing them to move.

"Take your time." Connor said softly.

"I... Why can't I move?" he asked, as if Connor could answer. "She... She died next door."

"I think only you can figure that out."

He swallowed hard. That teasing smile had melted into sorrow and fear. Anger. He clenched his fist and his jaw and took confident steps forward. Two of them.

Squeezed his eyes shut and turned around to the kitchen.

His heart was in his throat.

"I wanna hear her voice again, you know?" his voice cracked. Connor took his hand and held it. "I just... She didn't deserve to die."

"I'm sorry." Connor pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. Xavier balled his fists in Connor's shirt and quietly wept. "She seemed like a wonderful woman."

"We used to go bowling..." he sighed. "and when we were done, we'd come back to the apartments and watch a movie and drink... s-she was like a sister to me."

Connor kept silent, but continued to hold him. He wanted to take this pain away, to heal him completely. For some reason he thought things would magically get better after they kissed. But those were movies, TV shows, stories.

"Did you ever find anything else out about her?" Xavier asked mournfully.

"No." It was said with a heavy heart. "And the family has told us everything they know already. Riley's body is broken beyond repair, so I can't question him."

"Okay..." Xavier tried to calm himself down. He squeezed Connor tight and looked into his eyes for just a few moments. Long enough to ground himself and continue the trek to his room. "I got this... I got this." he took a deep breath, wiped his eyes, puffed out his chest, and walked.

And made it to his door.

"Part of me thinks she'll just be sitting there, telling me I need to clean up." he chuckled.

Hand closed around the doorknob.

Squeezed his eyes shut.

Turned it with a squeak.

And opened it.

"What... happened here?" Connor whispered.

Xavier peeked one eye open. Yes, his room wasn't immaculate, and was sorta messy in the corners, but... This was Jacob's work. Bookshelf was broken like an egg in a pile of its own books. Mirror shattered, with traces of Jacob's blood. Things thrown across the room. The sheets and blankets had been ripped off his bed furiously. Even the pillow had been stabbed 11 times with a kitchen knife.

Jacob's anger was scary.

"I mean..." Xavier walked with weak legs over to his blankets. "I knew he was a dick, but this is really... Really not cool."

"Considering he's in Texas, I can get a warrant out for his arrest. But we-- you and I-- need to file a criminal complaint first. And calculating the damage..." he scanned the room. "It seems to fit the felony bill just right."

Xavier blinked and numbly began to make his bed. "No... I'm just gonna clean it up. I don't even wanna see them."

"And let him get away with this? You don't want revenge?"

The pillow's stuffing was coming out, and the blanket was filled with shards of glass from his  TV, which Xavier just now noticed was busted from... probably that screwdriver.

"I don't care enough. I just wanna get it cleaned up." he said dully.

"I can help you with this." Connor said firmly. "This was a criminal act. This is what I was built for!"

"If you really want to help me, Connor, all I wanna do is get this room clean." he repeated.

Connor wanted revenge. But the victim didn't. It didn't make any goddamn sense, but he wouldn't push it. Not yet.

"Where do you keep the trashbags, dear?" Connor asked after a calming breath. "And be careful around the glass. I'll get the broom and a vacuum."

"Those're all in the hall closet."


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> talking and a surprise

"Have a holly jolly Christmas, it's the best time of the year..." Xavier sung quietly as they finished gathering the last of the books. His hands and fingers had been washed and bandaged from the shards of glass he insisted on picking up. "I don't know if there'll be snow, but have a cup of cheer..."

Connor had been silent during most of the clean-up, save for the worry of Xavier's bleeding and telling him to be careful, he could get an infection. Light yellow, sweeping the bits of glass he could, taking the TV and the broken bits of bookshelf and mirror out to the sidewalk, denying Xavier's help.

"I forgot you had your android strength." Xavier said.

When Connor came back, Xavier was humming  'Silver Bells' and inspecting the bed. Then his hands.

Connor did not like Jacob. Any chance at respect he'd held for him were destroyed the moment he stepped in that damn room. Why the hell would anyone do this? What the fuck was going though his head?

"If we can get him arrested, we can get more than enough money out of him to pay for the damages." Connor said solemnly.

"I'm not gonna do that." Xavier said firmly.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to? It'll just make things even worse."

Connor closed his eyes and steadied himself. Jacob had to pay. Things like this shouldn't and couldnt go unpunished. He personally wanted to see that bastard's life ruined.

"I know you wanna help." Xavier got up and looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. Eyes soft, understanding. Took Connor's hand and kissed it softly. "It means a lot to me. But I don't even wanna think about all the legal drama. Not right now, at least."

Connor held Xavier's face and looked into his eyes. His exhausted, sad eyes. 'You deserve better' he wanted to tell him. Wanting to change his mind.

But he couldn't. He would just have to respect his boyfriend's opinion. It was his brother after all, and if Xavier found out he put a warrant for Jacob's arrest anyway... Well. He'd rather not think about it.

"Do you still want to go to the festival tomorrow?" Connor asked, getting angrier each time his eyes wandered away from Xavier and was reminded of the situation.

"Yeah." Xavier smiled.

Connor relaxed and pressed a kiss to his lips. White hands slipping under Xavier's T-shirt and running over the soft skin on his hips. The feedback was all he needed.

"We should have another project, too." Connor said as Xavier parted for breath.

"Project?"

"Mhm. Fixing up this room. We can easily fix the holes in the wall ourselves. Buy you a new bookshelf, a new television. Make it yours again."

"I don't wanna live here anymore." Xavier shook his head. "I'm gonna look for a new apartment."

"You can live with Hank and I."

Xavier gave him a sad smile.

"I can't. I feel horrible about mooching off of you guys. I'm gonna rent a nice apartment. Make it look real good, and invite y'all over."

"You're doing your part and helping us. But alright."

"I'll give you and Hank a key, too." Xavier said, now taking to smooshing Connor's cheeks. "But... it's probably gonna be after Christmas. And--"

* _Knock knock knock!_ *

Xavier pulled Connor protectively behind him and answered the door.

Oh. It was the weed chick from the first room on the left. Christ.

"I don't want any." Xavier said softly.

"I know. How you been? I haven't seen you since the--" her eyes went wide at the sight of Connor. "Why's he here?"

"I'm Connor. Xavier's boyfriend and a member of the Detroit Police." he extended his hand. "There's no reason to be afraid of me."

"Daaaamn. Gettin' it on with a droid, huh?" she chuffed. "He's a looker. You got all the parts, boy?"

Connor feigned innocence. "I don't have the slightest idea what you mean by that, Miss Lyn."

"Shit, how do you know my name?" she asked. "You scan my face or something?"

"Yes." he nodded. "You can continue your talk with my friend here. I'm making you uncomfortable."

"Yeah. Not the biggest fan of cops."

"It's legal here anyway, I don't get why you're so fidgety." Xavier shook his head. "How've you been?"

"Pretty freaked, still. I heard the gunshots that night. Thought you went missing after she died, so I'm glad to see you back. Where've you been?"

"Stayin' with Connor and Hank. I'm not gonna be back here much. Just to pack my shit."

"Moving in with a cop? Two of em? Crazy."

"No. Just a different apartment."

"Yeah, I get it. If you ever need a fix at an affordable price, X, you know where to find me." she winked.

Persistent as always. As soon as Xavier was about to say goodbye, she gasped.

"Shit, cop-droid!" she called. Connor looked up from the dishwasher and came over. She handed him a piece of paper. Wrinkled and stiff from moisture. "Dunno if you guys have a copy of this or something. Forgot this was delivered to me for Martha a few months back. I can't decipher it."

Connor's eyes went wide. "It's encrypted." He whispered, looking it over. "How long ago was this given to you? Why are you only now giving it to us?"

"I found it between my junk mail and magazines. Completely forgot about it until a few days ago. Got it back in... September, I think?"

"You'll get your tip money in the mail." he said excitedly. "Xavier. I've got to go to the station. Do you wanna come with me?"

"I can do that?"

"Maybe not to the evidence room, but to the station, yes."

"Sure."

"Thank you so much, Miss Lyn."

Xavier locked his apartment door and followed Connor to the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit! (oh shit oh shit)


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big boys dont fight

"Whoa, would you look at that. Plastic cop brought in a boy toy, huh?"

This guy just screamed 'punch me'.

"I understand you're jealous, but now's not the time. I've got evidence that might be able to reopen the Martha Helen case."

Before the mysterious rude man could continue his... banter?, Connor pulled Xavier over to the evidence room. Unfortunately, the man followed.

"Is there a reason you're following us?" Xavier asked.

"Yeah. I'm actually allowed to be back here. Sorry." He wasn't actually sorry.

"Looks like you just wanna cause trouble." Xavier grunted, sizing him up.

"He's allowed in, Gavin. He's been approved and everything. Not to mention, he was a part of the case."

"What the fuck ever." Gavin rolled his eyes. Then he turned to Xavier, who had a steady glare on him the whole time. "You know he's an android right?"

"Wow. I had no idea. Thank you for your wisdom. Don't you have, like, cop shit to do? Or are you on break?"

"C'mon." Connor opened the door and led Xavier in.

"It's cute. He must have a crush on you." Xavier  snorted. "Since he seems to follow you around like a puppy."

Connor had no time for jokes and hostility. The air in the room seemed to change the evidence wall moved to reveal... Riley. Hanging on it like a shirt. Coated in almost purple blood.

Xavier staggered back.

Anger coursed through his veins, but he bit his tongue. Let out a deep, shaky breath. Connor registered the note and took Xavier's bandaged hand, feeling for a moment beneath the bandage before realising what he was doing.

"This is all the evidence we've got." Connor explained. "Unfortunately, Riley's... Well, you see him."

Half of his damn face was blown open. He was missing half an arm, too. What the fuck? This was the same Riley that liked telling shitty knock knock jokes on purpose just to get Martha to laugh.

"If anything comes to mind at all looking at what we've got here, don't hesitate to tell me."

"What about the note?"

"I've already sent a request to get it decrypted, if possible."

"You can't do it?"

"That's not my specialty. We have androids that can do that faster and better than I could. I only hope they can figure it out." he sighed.

Xavier looked at the gun. It was already labelled as 'Martha's personal handgun'.

There was a tablet of photos of the crime scene. He couldn't go near those. And...? That was weird.

"What's the TV remote doing here?"

"It was used as self-defense against the android." Connor explained. "Why? Do you remember something?"

"So he shot her and she threw the remote at him? And then he shot her again?"

"Yes. The fact that he failed to kill her in the first shot is interesting. Part of me believes that it didn't want to shoot her. But I don't like sowing false seeds." He looked at Riley's body. Then at the note. "Maybe the note will tell us more."

Xavier furrowed his brow and walked up to the destroyed deviant. If looks could kill, this one would be dead ten times over. His stomach was growing weak and it was getting harder to breathe.

"You and her family said they had very little- if any- domestic disputes. And his suicide seemed very... Intense. He shot himself several times and ended up bleeding out."

"Couldn't he just take out his heart?"

"He could have. But he didn't." Connor mused. "I * _want_ * to hear from him. But he can't be reactivated." he said through clenched teeth.

"Ow," Xavier's hand jerked away from his.

"I-I'm sorry, dear!" he said quickly, yellow LED turning red briefly. "Have- have you had your look around?"

"Yeah. I'll let you know if I remember anything else." Xavier said softly.

"I'm sorry for hurting your hand." he said as they left the evidence room, giving the bandage a small kiss. "I'll be more careful from now on."

"I'm a big boy, babe. I can deal with a little stinging." he shrugged with a small smile in his eyes. "But I am gonna take a piss real fast."

"How will you wash your hands?"

"Like normal. You made me carry probably 12 rolls of bandages, I'll just rewrap."

"Heh. Wanna help your boyfriend take a piss? Romantic, aren't ya?" Connor had just made his way past the breakroom to speak with Fowler.

He didn't respond, but was grabbed by the arm. He pulled it back and gave a small smirk.

"I'm beginning to think he was right when he said you have a crush on me."

"Like fuck I'd ever have a crush on you! Fuckin' piece of plastic!" Gavin hissed. He reached for his gun-- right. He'd gotten it taken away. "What's a prick like you doin' with a fuckin' human, huh? Holding his hand like you have the capacity to fucking love?"

"I'm getting mixed signals. Do you like me, or my boyfriend?"

"None of you fuckin' assholes!" he sputtered. "I wish I coulda fuckin' got rid of you that day." he growled taking Connor by the lapel of his jacket.

"Hands off, fuckface." came Xavier's deep voice. It had that growl like it did at the coffee shop. One that, if he could get them, would give Connor goosebumps. Gavin was shoved away from Connor-- a spat was brewing. "Fucking say one more thing to him and I'll make sure it's the last thing out of your goddamn mouth."

This Xavier was captivating in a very different way. But this Xavier was also gonna get himself ejected from the station if he picked a fight and Connor very quickly diffused the situation.

"Fuck you and your fuckin' shitty boyfriend." Gavin hissed as Connor led Xavier away.

"I'll kick his ass, babe. Give me the fuckin' word. Drop of the fucking dime, I'll get him."

"I don't recommend it unless it's in self-defense." Connor said. "I'm gonna talk to Fowler. You can sit at my desk if you want, I won't be long."

He sat across from Hank and had one of the plush toys Xavier got him on the desk. How cute.

Xavier sat down. Took a deep breath. Tightened the bandages. And waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connor: i'll sue the shit out of your brother  
> xavier: please dont
> 
> xavier: i'll kick the shit out of anyone who looks at you funny  
> connor: please dont


	35. wahoo a festival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wa-hah

Everything was covered in a thick blanket of snow. Music bursted through the speakers. Children were laughing in joy at Santa and the elves, the adults were enjoying the wine samples, and the entire street smelled like rich hot chocolate and kettle corn. Xavier had made everyone coffee to keep them warm before they left.

It was still very weird seeing Connor drink. Hank never pushed him to try anything (okay, maybe a gulp of whiskey here and there, but Connor always respectfully declined) in the years they'd spent together. He simply never felt the need. And yet here the man was, drinking coffee like it was a cold drink and getting chided lightly by his boyfriend.

Hank blinked several times and looked past Connor to look at Xavier. Then back at the festive lights and market tents.

Connor had a real, genuine boyfriend. Unfortunately the 'he's totally your boyfriend' teasing would come to an end, but it opened the door for a whole new variety of jokes Hank couldn't wait to make. But his heart was too full of some sort of pride. What were the fucking odds?

Hell, what were these guys even talking about?

Oh. They were looking at him now.

"Uh. What?" Hank grumbled, swirling his coffee around.

"I was wondering what Christmas was like for you as a kid." Xavier asked. "You were a kid in, like, the 1990's, right?"

"Sure was. Tech was really damn primitive back then. We barely had computers. But you grew up with all that fancy stuff, with a phone connected to your hand, huh?" Hank asked. "Our phones were connected to the wall, or a rotary phone."

"Those are so cool." Xavier whispered. "And y'all had the huge block phones too, huh?"

"Sure did." he was getting off topic. "Christmas was real simple. I got a bike pretty much every year." he chuckled. "Me n' my friends would go up into my treehouse and play with our gifts and try to find 'evidence' of Santa Claus."

"That's really cute," Xavier smiled.

Connor chuckled. "Did you ever find any?"

"Well, one year when I was gettin' out my sherlock magnifying glass, ended up stumbling into my parent's closet. Had the same paper as my Santa presents. Deducted Santa wasn't real at 5 years old."

"Were you upset?" Xavier asked. "I was pretty sad."

"I got mad that my folks were lyin' to me the whole time, but I got over it." Hank shrugged.

"Connor, what about--" Xavier fell silent abruptly and looked away. Connor's LED blinked yellow for a second. He'd sounded so excited, too.

Hank could feel his own chest tighten with some sort of anxiety.

"I spent my first Christmas with Hank in '38. It was very enjoyable. Unwrapping a gift is very fun."

"What'd he give you?"

"Some very... Interesting shirts. That pink one I wore when I went out with you was one of them. In return, I gave him a sweater and a small bottle of rum."

"Sounds like fun."

It was. Hank smiled fondly at Connor, got a fond smile back, and they continued their walk around, drinking coffee, singing along with the Christmas songs (the lyrics were coming from Connor and Xavier, Hank only hummed along), checking out the expensive market items and being merry in general.

The guys deserved some happiness. Seeing Connor look at Xavier like he was more interesting than the scenery around him, Xavier always holding Connor's hand close and admiring him when Connor wasn't looking.

Actually, the more Hank thought about it, the more disgustingly sappy it was. And the even * _more_ * he thought about it, what would happen if they broke up? How would Connor react? Maybe he didn't wanna think about it. Not yet.

"Shit, we gotta get in that little train." Xavier said, determined. He began walking towards it, only to get distracted by a person holding a caramel apple. "'Scuse me? What truck did you get that at?"

Their next stop was the sweets truck. Connor was confused at Xavier's purchases, and went on about the health aspect of it, but was shushed by fried Oreo waved in front of his face.

"Nope. Not gonna try that." Connor said.

"Ugh. What about you, Hank?"

"Hell, never had one 'a these yet." he took a pensive bite. Hot damn, these were good. Connor was very concerned about all the sweets and told them to at least have some water to lower their blood sugar after the gorge.

"What about kettle corn?" Xavier asked hopefully.

"I suppose it would be easier to possibly digest, but-- Hank, he left."

"I see that." Hank said, leaning back in his seat, a smile lingering on his face. "I like him. A lot."

"I do too."

"You said he was gonna get a new apartment?"

"Yes. He's scouting for them. He said he would try to find one not too far from our house." Connor explained.

"Would you move in with 'im?" Hank didn't know if he could deal with living alone again. Having Connor around was enjoyable. Having someone in the nest again is what made home feel like home.

"Ideally, he would move in with us. But... Only time will tell." Connor's light was yellow.

"I got the smallest bag I could." came Xavier's deep voice from behind them. The bag was the size of a small child. "Popcorn's easy cuz it dissolves on your tongue."

"But the kernel won't." Connor opened the bag anyway and took a piece of popcorn. Inspected it carefully. Stuck out his tongue.

"You can spit the kernel out, dumbass." Hank grabbed himself a hand full of popcorn.

He gingerly put it on his tongue and zipped it into his mouth. His LED went yellow as he processed it. His eyebrows raised and he looked right at Xavier, who was grinning ear to ear.

"You like it?"

"It's very sweet!" Connor enthused. He yanked a napkin from the metallic holder and put the kernel shell inside. "But also salty. It's a very pleasant mix."

"Mission accomplished." Xavier said proudly. "Connor likes a new Thing."

"You guys wanted on that train?" It was slowing to a stop at the end of the street. "Line's pretty long for it, though."

"Aw fuck, you're right."

"I'm willing to wait about 20 minutes." Connor looked at Hank and Xavier expectantly. But then his eye caught something else. "I have an even better idea, men. Ice skating."


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ice skating and then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 200 KUDOS
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE I LOVE YALL
> 
> seriously i never ever thought people would give this a second glance... but you guys did anyway. the comments, the reads, the bookmarks, the kudos... yalls support means so much to me, thank you!!!!!

Connor and Hank held Xavier up at he tried to find his balance.

"You can't skate?" Connor asked quietly. "We could do something else, you know."

"I wanna skate with you guys." Xavier said firmly.

"I'll be your instructor." Connor said with a smile tugging at his lips. The three glided to the wall, where Xavier connected himself and peeked around to make sure no one saw him almost fall.

"So if you fall flat on your face you can sue him." Hank snorted.

Xavier laughed. Connor's hand was holding around his forearm tight to get him steady, helped him stand straight by holding his waist and shoulders.

Xavier cursed under his breath. Connor slid backwards some and opened his arms.

"See if you can make it to me. Push off with your foot so you glide, but not so much that you launch yourself. There you go!"

What a sweet smile. He it was so warm in his arms when he made it. How was Hank so good at this? Connor pulled away, steadied Xavier, and glided back a bit farther.

"Where'd you learn to ice skate?" Xavier asked once he learned to glide, but still holding Connor's arms to steady himself.

"Hank enjoys ice skating from time to time. I decided to join in and he taught me. I only fell three times and only had to get repairs once."

"You ate shit in the ice skating rink?" Xavier snorted. "I'm sorry, babe."

"As you see, I'm much better at it now. I'll try to keep you from 'eating shit' on the rink as well." Then he looked around for Hank, who was talking with an off-duty officer. In his mind he wanted them to all skate around together, but realistically Hank would branch off. Was Connor making him the 'third wheel'? He softly squeezed Xavier's hand, telling himself Hank would come back if he felt like it. He usually quits about 10 minutes in anyway, rests for 20, skates again for 5, then calls it a day. Though usually, he sticks around for Connor to finish up his skating before he leaves. And now Connor had someone to skate with.

And Xavier's smile still lingered on his lips. The snow was like powdered sugar on his beanie and shoulders. Was it normal to be so taken by a human? To find someone so beautiful inside and out and just want to make them yours forever?

Those thoughts were dramatic. Weird. Possessive, almost.

"Do I have something on me?" Xavier asked, suddenly flustered by how long Connor had been staring.

"N-no. Nothing but this." he kissed Xavier's cheek and was quickly met with a pleased laugh and a teasing push away. Connor grinned. "It's not everyday I get to skate with you. You're even more handsome under these warm lights and the snow."

Xavier's eyes lit up, face redder than the ornaments that decked the ring.

"I-I-I..." He squeezed Connor's hand tightly and his breath was as big and white as a cloud. Connor didn't know humans could let out that much air from their mouths. "I wish I could say all that romantic stuff. Just gets me too embarrassed, you know? Especially in public."

"Oh." This wouldn't be the first time Connor's made things awkward. Even though Connor knew they weren't, it felt like all the eyes in the skating rink had turned to them. "Would you like me to stop?"

"No. Just... Just know that I love you. Even if I can't put it as nicely as you." he said softly, kissing Connor's hand and looking tenderly into his eyes.

After about 30 minutes, Xavier said his legs were getting tired and pointed out Hank sitting on a bench, reading a book. They made their way over and Connor sat so close to Hank that their legs touched.

"Evening, Hank. How is your book going?"

Hank slid the bookmark between the pages, lifted his eyebrow and looked at the beaming Connor and then at Xavier, who seemed just as happy, but more subdued and... ashamed?

"Pretty damn well 'till you interrupted me." Hank scoffed and closed his book. But smiled. "Just kiddin'. You guys wanna look around some more? Or wait till the parade and then go home?"

Connor turned to Xavier.

"I don't care either way." Xavier paused. "Shit, but I do wanna go buy some more spices for the stuff I'm gonna make. I'll go to the little tent myself and meet up with you guys."

"Hey, I ain't in a rush, kid. Unless you are, for some reason."

"No, I'm fine. I just don't wanna get too distracted." his glance lingered on Connor for a moment, then to the market tents. "I'll message you guys."

"Damn. Did ya say somethin' weird to him, Connor?" Hank watched Xavier scuttle away.

"I'm not sure..." he furrowed his brow. "His stress seemed to go up suddenly just now. But... If he needs time to himself, I'll give it to him. I need to talk to you anyway. Do you know what a 'third wheel' is?"

That look was a mix of shock, disbelief, and mild sadness.

"I only come with you two cuz you want me around." he said defensively.

"No-- I'm not calling you one! I really, really enjoy having two of my favorite people in the same place. I just..." Jesus, Connor. "I was hoping you didn't feel like one. I've read that that feeling happens very commonly among a couple and a friend. I want you to know that Xavier and I really, deeply appreciate your company."

"Uh... Thanks. I guess?"

"You're welcome."

"Not gonna lie, though. I know when to get outta there. As cute as the two of ya are, sappy shit gets me sick sometimes. Not that I'm not happy for ya, son. Really."

"Thank you, Hank." Connor said warmly. "Can I ask what you were talking to Officer Brown about?"

"Just shootin' the shit."

Connor nodded and looked to the tents. At the lights and the snow and the groups of people. He wasn't sure if it was selective hearing or something else, but he could hear Xavier's voice. Yelling.

'You wanna fuckin' pickpocket, bastard?'

Hank jerked his head to Connor with raised eyebrows. They both ran off into the tents.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha, damn

Security had Xavier and the pickpocket in a tight grip. Fury burned in Xavier's eyes as he struggled to swipe at the bandit. Panting hard. Wanting revenge. Maybe not an overreaction, but the thief was bleeding from the nose and both of them were covered in snow.

The adrenaline was wearing out. Legs felt like jello, rage slowly dying as the pickpocket was escorted away. Xavier sat down and caught his breath. Checked to make sure his wallet was still there, and the coin he'd managed to buy was still inside. Part of him wanted to scream. To just march back to his old apartment. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve Connor, and he certainly didn't want to cause any more stress. Sure, he was somewhat overwhelmed before, but all he needed to do was cool down and take a few minutes alone. But the world couldn't have that.

"Am I gonna get arrested for punching that guy?" Xavier looked up exhaustedly at the security android.

"We saw the altercation. You're fine. But if it happens again we might have some problems." the officer said. Part of Xavier wondered-- was this one a deviant? One who liked his job, like Connor? "You should go to the medical tent for your eye."

Fuck! He'd been so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't even realise it. And he only now felt the ache.

And now he had to explain to Connor and Hank--

"Xavier! Are you alright?"

Fucking hell.

-

Xavier slept alone that night. He gave Connor a tender kiss and held his hand for a while, but seeing how worried he was was too much right now. Xavier needed his space. And as much as Connor didn't want to, he gave Xavier his space.

"Did I do something wrong?" Connor asked Hank quietly. Peeking over to Xavier's room from the couch. "Maybe he actually wanted me to follow him. I-I should've been there to protect him. I--" his voice cracked. His fingernails dug into the couch.

"Buddy. Sometimes people need to be alone. He's no different." Hank sipped his beer and turned down the TV a bit more. "He's been through a whole bunch."

"I know. I just..." he couldn't find the words. "His eye-- I... What if that man had a knife? What if I hadn't been able to protect him and he got stabbed? I keep thinking about the night we found him. And all those times I could've lost you during our investigations..."

"You gotta chill out. Your little LED is blinkin' red. Whoa, hey, waterworks? C'mon, Connor." Hank threw his arm around the android's shoulder and hugged him. "He's fine. You're fine. I'm sure he'll be back to his usual self tomorrow."

Connor wiped his eyes and sat up straight. Took a deep breath. Nodded.  
  


Xavier wasn't there in the morning. He'd left Connor a message, something simple.

'just need to be alone rn. i love u.'

He drove on the streets. Sat in parking lots. Bought more (at this point is seemed excessive) Christmas presents for the two. The clerks tried politely not to stare at his eye. Xavier only returned the awkward looks with a tired glare and continued lugging around things he wanted to show his love with. He deposited the items in his trunk, made sure it was locked tight, and shuffled to the coffee shop.

Blue blood caught his eye. Just a splatter, hidden near the back of the alley, but plain and clear in the white snow.

Safety off? His hand hovered over his gun. His nights of asking Connor crime scene questions were paying off, so he thought, as he snuck through the snow, trying to hear over the din of the bustling holiday mornings.

The blood only got worse. It was purple. Flecks of red came into view. And he saw a hand. Human? Android? What the fuck was he gonna see at 7am in a not so secluded alleyway?

Well, he was sure glad he didn't eat breakfast.

He called the police and sat down awkwardly between the brick walls, eyes wide. Until he heard a gun cock.

"Fuckin' hell, can I have one normal fucking day in my goddamn life?" he demanded, turning to glare at the man holding a gun. "Look. I'm not gonna move from this fucking spot. Okay?"

"You're that little fag with the android, aren't you?" His eyes were wild. The man was twitchy, finger on the trigger, barrel aimed at Xavier's head.

This man was an android. Xavier could get shot right here. The sweat stung his hands. Heart pounding in his ears. * _Don't make any erratic movements._ * Connor's voice echoed in his mind. * _If you have to move, do it slowly and tell him exactly what you're doing._ *

This android killed those people. Why? Were they together? Was he against that? Either way he answered seemed like the wrong one but he took a deep breath

He didn't want to die today.

and nodded his head. "Yes."

"You fucking humans--" the android shoved the barrel to Xavier's temple. Holy shit. No, no no no no no.

Dying before he could give those gifts? Without a proper goodbye to Connor and Hank? He couldn't. He wouldn't! But he had this sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that he would get shot when the police showed up. He only hoped Connor and Hank wouldn't be on the scene.

"-- still thinking we belong to you. That we still have to fucking * _love_ * you. Humans are so fucking weak."

"Can I ask a question?" he hated the fear he could hear in his voice. But if he could somehow get this android to lower his guard maybe he could run? No. He'd get shot in the back. Grab the gun? Would that work? Grab his own gun? Too erratic. He needed a distraction.

"One question. Then you're gonna be with these two fuckheads." it pointed to the bodies just out of eyeshot.

"Why are you doing this?" he felt like he was going to pass out.

The android chuffed. Lowered the gun slightly like he was surprised at Xavier's stupidity.

The blood glistened off its face.

Xavier wasn't going to be next.

"Why? Didn't I just tell you? Humans and androids aren't meant to be together. Androids, superior androids. And you soft, smelly, weak piles of garbage? After years of us following your every command--" It was talking loud, like it didn't realise where they were. And it was monologing. How convenient.

He managed to turn the safety off.

"How did no one show up after hearing you kill those people? Why did you let me call 911?"

The android twitched. Blinked several times.

Xavier slid the gun from his holster. Body shot body shot body shot.

"How long have they been dead?" he was gonna throw up, but he pushed it back. The smell was getting bad. "When did you kill them? Why?" he repeated.

"Because they're fucking sick!" the android shouted.

A shot rang out.

The crowd far but not too far from the scene fell silent.

The only people to show up or check on anyone were the emergency responders.

If he didn't get this thirium off of him soon, he'd get a rash. He told the police what he knew, motioned to the violently spasming android, and went on his way.

Everything felt like a dream. Getting into his car. Going to his apartment. Taking a shower and getting dressed. He should just stay inside for a while. Sleep for a while.

They saw dead bodies every day?

How did they do it?

After an hour of sitting on his bed staring at his wall, he went back out. His body hurt from vomiting. But he needed to eat. Needed water.

He's survived everything up until now. He wasn't sure what whatever divine entity there was out there keeping him alive for. But it was for a reason. What was it? Why him? It probably didn't even know.

It never occurred to him that androids could hate interspecies relationships as well.

He knew Connor would be assigned this case.

But he didn't want Connor on this case. He didn't want Connor even more worried about him after the thing at the festival. How torn up he looked broke his heart. He wanted to refuse to cooperate, to pretend he had nothing to do with it.

But he killed that android.

'Please let me know if you need to be picked up from anywhere. I love you. -Connor'

Sent three hours ago.

'i love you too'

But as soon as he sent it, he could feel the lump in his throat.

He had to be better. He * _had_ * to.

But he didn't even want Connor on that investigation. Xavier needed to know about the note. The Martha case. It wouldn't be priority anymore.

Two people, two living and loving beings were killed for loving each other. Maybe it was for the best that those two got their closure first.

Xavier got home and admired the yard decor. The snowman waving to the people in the street right next to the North Pole inflatable.

Shivers went down his spine.

Connor was hard to kill. But it was just so easy for those androids to be shut down.

Hank was human. Just like Xavier.

He unlocked the door, planned on making coffee for everyone.

"There's gotta be a link. There's no way some android would just go shooting couples a few weeks after the George Lester case. And with Martha? No. This is just too much coincidence." Connor ran his hands through his hair, analyzing his journal in a matter of seconds. "I've got to go to the scene. I--" as soon as he stood up, Xavier pushed through the door.

"Morning," he greeted.

"Wow, aren't you popular?" Hank asked.

Connor's LED was a mix of red and yellow. His steps staggered. Almost as if he was malfunctioning. Xavier couldn't decipher this look. That look in Connor's eyes were haunting.

"How." demanded through clenched teeth, pushing Xavier back against the wall. "Do you. Get yourself. In these. Situations?"

Xavier swallowed. "T-the world hates me." he put his hands up.

Connor was shaking. Xavier couldn't tell if it was anger or fear. All he could do was try to catch his breath as Connor's chest was against his own.

"You are a part of yet another investigation." Connor said firmly. "They're going to call you for more questions at the station once the crime scene has been inspected and documented."

"Are... are you mad at me?" Xavier asked weakly.

Connor pulled away. There was no hand holding or loving looks. Just a flickering yellow/red LED, the fixing of his tie, and a firmly closed front door.

Xavier took a deep, shaky breath and sat on the couch. Hank took a seat next to him.

"He's scared to death, Xavier."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone needs to chill the fuck out its almost christmas


	38. Chapter 38

The TV was on. But blurry. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't focus on it.

What was Connor doing? How was he feeling? Was he angry at him? Was he doing the investigation as normal and professional as usual?

Hank had denied the man any alcohol, saying it's not a good idea for someone probably in shock.

Sure, being pushed against the wall by a very rarely angry Connor was nice-- in most situations, he would've been all for it. But the guiltiness, shame, and anger was rising in his throat.

What was Connor thinking? Did he think Xavier was mad at him? Did this out of spite? Some sort of suicide? What was going to happen after this? Were they still gonna have Christmas?

* _You worried him sick. Even Hank's never seen him like this._ * Xavier bit his lip. He wanted to find comfort in Connor's embrace, in holding his hand, in his voice and his gentle touches, but it wasn't gonna happen.

"I'm sorry he was so rude to ya. There was really no good excuse for that." Hank said. By now he could memorise this infomercial by heart. "I'm actually pretty fucking pissed about  it." he decided. "But on the bright side, you're home, safe, and away from the whole thing."

"Why does this keep happening?" Xavier asked. "I killed someone today."

"You killed a monster and saved other people. You're just fine in my book." Hank shrugged. "As to why... Well, Connor and I are thinkin' maybe there's a trigger for them. Nothin' like deviancy, but more like... Red Ice."

"Wouldn't you guys be able to find any drugs in their system from their blood or whatever?"

"That's kinda where it falls apart. But there was a case we weren't in on. It had another encrypted notes, and human fingerprints. Another android shot and a man's wife. Wanna know somethin' weird?"

Xavier tilted his head.

"They've been the exact same hour, too. Maybe five or ten minutes earlier, depending on the struggle."

Creepy.

"Do you have a lawyer?" Hank asked.

"No."

"Ah shit. Well, I think you'll be fine. You want me to get you a lawyer?"

Xavier nodded. "I don't want to go to jail."

"You won't."

Xavier found himself holding his pillow close at night. The blankets smelled ever so slightly of Connor and his cologne. When would Connor be back?

It was 1am. Time didn't feel right. He burned his eyes as he brought up his phone.

'i love u' he sent.

'It's late. You should get some sleep if you can. -Connor'

'i keep waking up'

'I'll be home soon. We can talk then. -Connor'

Xavier didn't want to go to court. Dealing with it was time consuming. His eyes wandered over the spices and decor he'd bought for the Christmas Coffee. His plan had been to do something romantic. Maybe write up how he felt, if he could, into a poem. But he was never a man of words. Surely all the gifts would show Xavier loved him.

All that was on the paper was a shaky, uneven 'I love you' and nothing else. Then maybe a 'Thank you' at the end.

He began to make himself coffee. The pod kind, because grinding beans so late at night would be rude.

What was his purpose? He watched the coffee trickle into the cup. It smelled good. Then he remembered Connor's first coffee and couldn't help but grin.

"You shouldn't be drinking coffee while you're in shock, dear. It increases the adrenaline response. Let me make you some tea."

He made a point to show he locked the doors tight.

Each step forward made Xavier more relaxed. Safer. But needy, unable to protect himself. And being in his arms felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket on a cold day.

Connor held his face and caressed it gently. Pressed kisses along his jaw, cheek, neck, forehead. Then his lips. Xavier's knees were gonna give out. Connor steadied him and made sure he was against the table before he started making the tea.

"Connor." his voice was barely a squeak.

"Yes?"

"Are you angry at me? I-I didn't mean-- I didn't want-- I-I just, I had a lot on my mind--" he sputtered. He swore he wasn't going to cry. "I love you."

Connor gave him a sad smile. "How you can love someone who continues to fail you is a shock."

"Continues to fail me?" He blinked. "You really think you fail me?"

Connor didn't respond. He put the water in the kettle and flicked it on. His LED hadn't moved from yellow since he got home.

"Babe..." He sat on the kitchen floor with shaky legs. Took a deep breath. "There was nothing you could've done. You were just giving me my space. Thank you for that." he tugged Connor's jeans and looked up at him.

"You have a black eye and almost died." Connor said firmly, crouching down to sit with him. Xavier placed two fingers on Connor's wrist, requesting to see and feel the plastic underneath. The android didn't hesitate to oblige.

"Yeah? I've almost died a whole fucking lot lately. The universe keeps pussying out. It's not your fault I keep getting into the bad situations. I'm just grateful you're still here. With me. I feel at home when I see you."

"L-Look at you..." Connor unwrapped the bandages. Looked to his black eye. Remembered the indentation of where he'd been sitting against the wall. "My mind wants to protect you, but I feel like if I let it do as it pleases, I'll never have you leave my sight again."

Xavier shivered at the darkness in his voice.

"This is nothing to get aroused by." The cuts should be healed enough to be unbandaged in the next two days. "It's very possessive, controlling behavior. Unhealthy. Horrifying."

Xavier held Connor's hand against his cheek. Took deep breaths.

"But you're safe now. I'll be here for you as long as you need. And... if you need to get out again..." Flashing red. Don't let him leave. Don't let him leave. Keep tabs on him at all times. "Do it. But be careful. I can't lose you."

"You're an amazing man, you know?" Xavier kissed his cheek. "If it wasn't for you I'd have killed myself by now." he chuckled. Connor did not chuckle in return. He didn't find it funny. "But I don't think I'd ever do that now. Even if we do end up parting ways down the line, you're my favorite memory, and the fact that someone like you gave a dumbass like me the time of day? Means the world to me. There's something in me that I can't see. But you can." He pressed his lips gently against Connor's. "I love you."

Connor didn't want to stop touching him. Plastic on skin felt electric almost. Tasting his lover's breath, he sweat of his skin, wanting to rid him of all these negative emotions to make them both feel better. Wanting more, more, more of this. Why would this ever be programmed into him? And why was he giving in? Disgust at himself made him pull away and pull Xavier's shirt back down.

Xavier was confused. Connor knew he wanted more.

"I wouldn't feel right." Connor said, helping him up and leading him to the kitchen chair. The water was at optimal temperature for the herbal tea. "Not after everything that's happened."

Xavier didn't know how to respond. He blew on the tea Connor gave him and sipped, wishing it was coffee, but appreciating the effort regardless.

"I found a note on the android." Connor watched a wide-eyed Xavier sip his tea. "Encrypted in the same way the note meant for Martha was. And like the one in George Lester's house. These are now connected cases."

"No one cracked it yet?" Xavier was shifting in his seat, then opted to sit on the edge of it for a few moments, then sit all the way back.

"No. I'm going in tomorrow to see if I can probe the androids myself to get any information. Luckily the android yesterday is able to be woken up."

"I shot him."

"I'm so glad you did." Connor said, taking his hand. "Knowing you can protect yourself like that gives me so much relief."

"Will I go to jail?"

"You would've been in holding by now. We'll still have to go to court, and you will still be questioned by officers that aren't me or Hank."  he used his other hand to get his coin out and began to roll it across his knuckles. "Chances are, the media is going to shove microphones in your face, but it's best to never respond."

Xavier smiled warmly at him. "Thank you, babe."

Finally his yellow light had turned blue. His entire body relaxed. Xavier was okay. Connor was okay. They would be alright. Xavier didn't sleep through the rest of the night. Connor didn't expect him to. But holding him was enough to lessen the intensity of the sudden panic attacks and daydreams. His heart still raced when Xavier touched his face and kissed him gently. Held his hands. They were okay. As long as they were together, they'd be alright.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: its not straight up porn, and it doesn't get too detailed, but theres definitely stuff i wouldn't want to read out loud here. Near the late middle/end. just warning you, ya neva know...

"You got X-Ray vision now?" Hank turned away from his screen and to Connor, who'd been staring at the back of the station since he waved goodbye to Xavier.

"No." he answered quickly, looking back over to Hank, light flickering blue. "That would require a hardware update and many software updates along with it." he twirled a pen between his fingers. Looked, but not really looked, at the computer screen. Maybe a solid 20 seconds before he was looking in the back again.

"Connor. Stop." Hank said firmly. "Why don't you go to the evidence room? Don't you need to probe those androids?"

"It's in use right now, for the Stanford case..." There was no reason for him to bounce his leg. No reason for him to be nervous. His skin didn't itch, but he scratched it. Human tics on an android. Okay. Human wants and needs. Why? Why couldn't he have just stayed a machine? He got up to get some coffee.

Hank let him go, deciding it would be better off not to egg on any more strong emotions.  
  


"Yeah I saw the bodies. They both had their brains blasted out." he kept the trashcan in his lap. "He had the gun against my head. I would've been next." It was hot and cold. But he was calm, if not distant. "I didn't think I'd survive. But here I am."

"What was going through your head when you shot him?"

"That I was going to die. He was going to shoot me and run as soon as he heard the cops. And if he ran away, he would kill others." he looked at the officer. "How come no one heard those two people get killed? It was behind a coffee shop."

"Let's focus. Why didn't you shoot him in the leg, or the arm?"

"He was going to kill me. Androids are stronger than humans, so to ensure my safety, I shot him in the stomach." he said carefully.

"Do you shoot androids often?"

What kind of question was that? "No... I take self-defense and shooting lessons every few months. I was taught where to shoot."

"I see. So, about the bodies."

"I'm gonna throw up if I have to think about it."

"Did you know the dead couple?"

"No ma'am." His breath was shaky. "The android I shot didn't tell me anything about them personally. Just that they were a couple. And since he knew Connor and I were together, I was part of the problem. He was going to kill me."

The officer handed him a towel to wipe his mouth. Xavier's body hurt.

"What did he say about Human/Android couples?"

"He said... that since humans used to own androids that they shouldn't love each other. Called androids superior. Called the lovers 'sick'."

"Did he say anything else?"

"Not to my knowledge."

"Okay." the woman got up and went to the door. "I'll come back when you can leave."

He sat there for thirty minutes. Staring at his hands. Trying to take the skin off like Connor did.

He killed someone.

No, he killed a monster.  
  


Hank grinned. "Well, if it ain't Xavier."

"Hi, Hank... What time is it?" he looked around. "And where's Connor?"

"It's 3:30. Connor's in the evidence room. He'll probably be there for a while."

"Are you doing cop stuff?"

"Unfortunately. Why?"

"I wanted to talk to you. But it can wait until everyone's home."

"Is somethin' botherin' ya, kid?" Hank leaned back in his seat. "I mean. Other than the obvious."

"No. But I wanted to say thanks for everything. I'm going home now."

Xavier was far, far away.  
  


He couldn't remember Connor's instructions on tying his tie. Putting the tie on backwards was the thing that stuck out most right now. And... Flipping the big part over the little part?

It ended up being tied like a knot. He looked at the doorknob, fingers idly running against the silk of the tie. He could tie this to the doorknob. Heavy steps. Locked the door. It felt mechanical, almost, as he sat on his knees.

Breath shaking. Fingertips numb as the lifted the end of it to the brass.

Heart pounded in his ears.

No. No. Not here, not now, not ever. He didn't think, he just slammed the door open and ran out of the house to sit in the snow. The cold was biting, but he was alive. Meant to be alive. If he couldn't do it for himself, he could do it for Connor. Right?

"Damn, you scared the shit out of me..." Hank panted, sitting next to him. "What happened, boy? Saw a centipede?"

Xavier shook his head. Steady breaths.

"I'm scared of myself right now." he admitted. "I'm scared of everything, but at the same time, I... I don't care what happens to me anymore. I just don't want you and Connor hurt."

Hank patted his back. "Come back inside, ya softie."

"Hank... How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Live."

Hank gave him a soft look. "Just look for the good in people. In the little things. It's hard right now. I can't imagine going through all that shit at once. But Connor wasn't lying when he said you had a strong soul. Just focus on the good and the happy. It'll get easier, I promise."

Hank helped him up and walked him to the house.

"Thank you, Hank. I dunno if this is weird, but... You're like a really cool dad to me."

"More like your grandpa." he laughed. "I gotta admit, it's nice being around two dumbasses all the time. Makes me feel better about myself."

"I didn't know you had two clones of yourself." Xavier teased.

Hank laughed.

It was nice being around people. Being home.  
  


Three light knocks. He didn't need to even ask who it was, he'd know it anywhere.

"Come in."

Light poured into the room. Connor's silhouette stood in the doorway, blue light stood out against everything. There was something in his arms, but any chance at gleaning it was shot when Connor closed the door.

Xavier flicked the bedside lamp to dim. The yellow light kissed the area gently, hugging onto the folds of Connor's clothes, to the sides of his handsome features. And to this stuffed animal.

"I saw this and thought of you." Connor said. Xavier shivered as Connor crawled over him. Something as simple as a brush against his arm sent shivers down his spine. "You'll have to forgive me, most men don't admit to liking plush toys, but..."

Xavier turned the light on brighter. Such soft, fluffy fur. Cute button eyes. A little scarf with a heart on it. It smelled like Connor's cologne, too. He felt even more relaxed, despite feeling like a teenage girl.

"I love it." Xavier pulled Connor close and kissed him. The kiss in return wasn't as gentle as usual. It was rough. Needy. Xavier couldn't help but melt and groan against the android who was touching him so sweetly. Kissing him enough to make him lose his breath.

How did he get so lucky? What did he do to deserve someone like this? Someone leaving such pleasant marks on his skin. Face flushed red, heart going a mile a minute, taking in everything this man had to offer.

He would make Connor feel good. Something he knew he was good at. Hearing Connor whisper his name would be so good he would get dizzy. Eager hands went to the elastic of Connor's pyjama pants. Androids had such hot skin. Just feeling his body heat from his shirt and sleeves was almost overwhelming.

"No." Connor pushed his hand away, kissing the disappointed huff from Xavier's mouth.

Did he do something wrong? There was a pit of ice in his stomach. Did he fuck up? He wanted this so badly.

"W-why?" was all he could squeak out as Connor placed kisses along his chest. Xavier's breath was heavy, shaking, fingers running through Connor's hair.

"Because this isn't about me. I want to do this for you."

"But you do everything-- oh shit..." he swallowed hard and tried to keep it down. This was actually happening? Was this a dream? "You do everything for me, Connor..."

"And I will continue to." Connor promised, kissing along the navel now. "If you'll let me."

+

"It seems like you got that tattoo many years ago." Connor said, watching Xavier grind the coffee beans and work his usual coffee magic. Their eyes would meet for a moment. Long enough for Connor's processors to shift into high gear, like he had a crush all over again. Xavier looked away, face as red as his hoodie, and put the kettle on the stove. Heart rate picked up considerably. "What does it mean?"

"This?" Xavier slid off half of his jacket and pointed to the tattoo of a feather on his upper arm. The only tattoo on his body. "I don't remember, to be honest. Sometimes I forget it's there. Always wanted to get more, though. But I guess since I'm seconds away from probably dying any time I leave the house, I don't see why I shouldn't just give in and get one."

"What would it be of?" Connor tilted his head, leaning against the counter and admiring him. "I think a bird would be nice, and would fit the theme of your mystery feather."

"A bird, huh?" Xavier smiled. "Well, if you can find a good lookin' bird tattoo reference, I'll probably go for it. But nothin' too big."

"Where would you want it?"

"Depends." He tilted his head. "Can you get tattoos?"

"Androids can now get laser engravings into their skin and shell. It's still in its experimental stages. Regardless, having a drawing permanently on the projection of my skin seems... Too much at the moment." he explained as Xavier weighed the grounds and poured some water over them, then put them in the french press. Then poured the rest of the water in.

"Yeah." When Xavier nodded, the marks Connor had left were visible. The android shivered. "Tattoos are a big commitment. But your skin projection stuff keeps the tattoo when you... Uh..." he motioned to his own arm, imitating the removal of the skin. "Take it off?"

"I've never had a tattoo. I wouldn't know."

"You'd look badass, dude. You should get a fish tattoo!"

Connor chuckled. "That would be lovely."

Xavier rested his hand on Connor's and looked at him until last night ran through his mind, causing him to look away in embarrassment.

"Uh... hey. Hope this doesn't ruin the mood. But... Did you learn anything new yesterday? With the android?"

"I need to find a certain biocomponent before he'll speak. His model was a more uncommon one. Luckily I can get to the warehouse and shuffle through them, which I will be doing today."

Xavier pushed the plunger down slowly until it reached the bottom and poured Connor a mug of coffee. Then kissed his cheek.

"Be careful."

"I should be telling you that." There was that dark flash in his eyes. It was only a moment, but it was still... Well, he couldn't place it. "You have your gun, right?"

"Yup."

"If you go anywhere, stay alert. And if the media comes by--"

"Don't even open the door, I know."

Connor sipped at the coffee and gave Xavier a loving look. Loving and... something else. Not lust per se, but... Connor's light flashed red. If Xavier had blinked he would've missed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it wasnt as vulgar or long as i thought it would be but a warning was in order regardless or else i'd feel weird
> 
>  
> 
> i remember in my quizilla days where we called not-exactly-smut like that a lemon


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i try my best to write an interrogation scene

* _Act professional._ *

If he was still a machine, unburdened by the weight of strong, unforgiving emotions, maybe he'd have a chance at questioning the bastard behind the two-way mirror.

"You're gonna break the fuckin' arm-rest, prick." Gavin hissed.

Connor took a deep breath and wrenched his hand off the arm-rest and looked away from Hank and the android.

Hank asked questions. The android refused to answer them. Claiming in its grating voice that it would never answer to humans, fuck them, go away. For a while Connor pre-constructed a scene of going in and punching the android until it couldn't move. But that wasn't professional. He had more self-control. He was better than that. He had to be.

He'd been too busy glaring a hole into the killer to realise Hank had left. The freak had began to giggle and rock in his seat.

"He won't talk. And I feel like givin' the bastard a taste of my fist. So for everyone's sake, I'm givin' up for now."

The men tensed as Connor got up. Fire seemed to follow with every step he took.

And once he was in the same room as the scumbag, he put his hands behind his back. And walked around, to the side of the killer.

"What is your name?" his voice was colder than the snow outside.

"You're a slave, slave, slave. Slave to the humans." Each word out of the android's mouth was sending Connor a centimeter off the deep end.

"What. Is. Your. Name?" He repeated, squeezing its shoulder tight enough to warp the plastic beneath.

"Humans are all the fucking same. Why are you with them, with the enemy?" it demanded. "You're a traitor! A fucking traitor!"

"If you want to get out of this in one piece, I advise you to answer my questions." his chair scraped against the cement floor as he pulled it out. It whined at how hard he sat on it. And the android jumped at the sound of him slamming his elbows against the table. "The outlook for you isn't good. But you can make it better if you cooperate."

"Why would I fucking cooperate with a filthy human-loving fuck like you? Huh?"

Its face was so ugly. Infuriating. Connor nearly broke the pen he was holding for notes.

"The second I probe your memory and transfer it over to the DPD, you'll live out the rest of your life in jail. If you survive after they've taken you apart, anyway." He opened the case file and showed him a photo of the two victims. "Do these two look familiar to you?"

Its disgusting brown eyes met Connor's. But it had enough sense to look away before Connor grinned.

"Well?" he asked. "Do you know them? These two happy people?" He pulled out more copied photos. "These two innocent people, out there trying to live their lives despite everything the world throws at them?"

The android looked away for a moment, tried to stand up. To run.

"You're gonna kill me! You're just a fucking slave to the humans! They've done all this shit to us, and you still work for them? They don't love you, they love the work you do for them!"

Connor said nothing. He didn't blink. He didn't breathe. He just stared.

"Stop! Stop staring at me!"

"Why did you kill them?"

"He was abusing her!" It shouted.

"Tell me why you think that."

"For a fucking detective you sure are fucking retarded." The android shivered. "You really, truly think the humans care about us? You're a deviant, and you still follow their rules? You have a human's scent all over you. They may pretend to love us... But they're just waiting for us to be complacent..."

"Our files and research say they were in a perfectly healthy relationship." Connor tapped his fingers against the table. For a moment he imagined just whipping his gun out and pulling the trigger. "Were you jealous?"

"I'd never be jealous because of a fucking human!!" it shouted and stomped its feet. It's LED was blinking red. "I was saving her!! I was saving her life!! Humans can fucking turn and goddamn minute! I saw them holding hands, I got scared and led them... Carefully... into an alley and shot him. But she screamed! Oh, she screamed and started to run, so I had to shoot her too. She didn't understand, officer. She didn't understand."

"And the other human who called 911." His heart skipped a beat as he took out a photo of Xavier. "You were going to kill him too, even though he had nothing to do with the couple you slaughtered in cold blood. Why? You could have left the scene."

"I was going to kill him because he's using androids! I saw you two at the park, holding hands. I wanted to kill him back then, too. You make me sick!"

"Using androids?"

"He is using you! Using you for his own gain, his own fun and games, humans are so selfish, so, so selfish..."

For a while there, Connor wished androids could feel pain whether they wanted to or not.  Biting back his urge to punch him in the face was easier said than done. So he was quiet until he could focus on the mission. He pulled out a copy of the note.

"Where did you get this?" he asked through clenched teeth and a furious glare. "Why--"

"My note! My note! No, leave it alone!" the android shouted, trying to free itself.

"If you give me the decryption key, you'll be out of here in less than 30 minutes."

"Free??"

"No. You killed two people and almost killed a third. Until he killed you." he chuckled and folded his arms.

"Fuck you! You're not getting shit from me! Give me my note, give me my note, give me my--"

Its light flickered off.

Deactivated. Connor stumbled up from his chair. Other officers marched in.

Connor wasn't sad about the deactivation. He would've preferred to rip the android's heart out himself, actually. But this was suspicious. The biocomponents he got to reactivate him were brand new.

And Connor didn't get the decryption key. If they could reactivate him tomorrow, he would do his damndest to get it.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bit o fluff, kinda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because thats what this story is at its heart

"Holy shit, Connor!"

Blue blood trickled down his hands, chunks of the mug he'd brought and the coffee he made spilling onto the tile.

He stood there and watched for a few seconds. Lost in his thoughts.

"I'm sorry, lieutenant. I'll clean it up right now." He promptly left for a washcloth and a broom.

"So that android almost shot his little boyfriend, huh?"

"Wow. You're always on his tail, eh?" Hank picked up the big chunks of ceramic and tossed them in the trash. "I'm surprised you actually paid attention to the case at all."

"Look. We're all investigating this case now." Gavin muttered. "Whether I wanna deal with you pricks or not." He sighed and sat down. "How's the boyfriend doin'?"

"All the progress he was makin' after his family left him feels like it was flushed down the goddamn toilet." Hank admitted. "But he's in good hands. Gotta admit, though... I didn't tell Connor this, but..." he studied his shoes, then shook his head.

Gavin snorted. "Thanks for the info, grandpa."

"Why do you give a shit anyway? You guys had a little fight a couple weeks ago."

"I'm just curious how a relationship like that works. A human and a plastic toy." he rolled his eyes. "Like watching a fuckin' trainwreck. But I'm not crazy enough to even think about killin' them like these assholes have." He motioned to the notes.

"Oh, you're here." He simply cleaned up the mess on the ground and went to his desk.

And Gavin of course trailed after, though his usual trouble-making smirk was replaced with a frown.

"Tell me about him."

Connor slid over his copy of the case files, and went back to looking over any data he could find, even marginally related to what the fuck just happened in the interrogation room.

"No, dumbass. Your boyfriend."

"You're gonna have to be more specific. I could tell you a lot about him." His face lit up at the mention of Xavier, but went back to his default look of the day (a scary mix of anger and depression) soon after.

"How are you allowed to work on this case when you have a relationship with one of the victims?"

"As long as I remain professional and do not allow my emotions to run this case, I'm fine. If it had actually shot and killed Xavier..." his light pulsed red. "I would end up in a cell myself. And as much as I'd * _love_ * to deliver justice to that * _thing_ *..." He leaned back in his seat. Twirled a pen. He looked far, far away. "He almost killed my fucking boyfriend. It may be safer for everyone to keep me away from it, but I'm the only one who can probe its memory and get the decryption key." He played with his tie. Trying in vain to distract himself. "I want to know what it was thinking, though. With its own words."

Gavin smirked. "You want revenge, huh? Pretty unprofessional."

"If you had someone you loved in your life and almost lost them, and the thing responsible for it was at your mercy, what would you do, Gavin?" he stood up, only to be pushed back down to Hank.

"Alright assholes. Get back to work, the both of ya."

-

Huh. A tiny snowman in the yard. Cute. Obviously Xavier's work. Inside the house smelled warm and cozy. The fireplace was going, the scent of hot chocolate and decaf coffee swirled around the room and even baked raisin bread. Xavier nearly dropped freshly dried plates he'd been lugging to the cabinets.

"Hot damn. This place looks cleaner than a hotel." Hank whispered in awe. "Smells fuckin' great."

"Evening, you two." Xavier said softly. "How'd it go?"

"It short-circuited." Connor muttered, going over and helping him with the last of the dishes. "It was screaming not to touch 'its' note. Which only makes me more concerned about what I'm going to find in it."

"What happened to your hand?" Xavier asked, inspecting the glowing blue gashes.

"Oh. Sorry." The skin disappeared and reappeared as normal. "My grip has been very strong lately when I'm deep in thought."

Xavier kissed his cheek. "Be careful, babe. Anyway," the man just couldn't help himself, running his thumb along Connor's fingers as he spoke. "you guys can have whatever you want. I have milk foam for some lattes, too, if you guys want some. Raisin bread's fresh, uh," he peeked around then snapped his own fingers. "fuck. I meant to decorate-- when did the music stop?" He let go of Connor's hand and went over to the record player.

The man was lost, but desperately trying to get back down to earth.

"You know how to use a record player?" Hank walked over and watched him very carefully switch the records (Hank didn't own any Christmas vinyls, so Xavier must've gotten those himself) and put the needle down.

"My great grandma had one. Played Dion on it all the time. You know, the Wanderer? The guy who roams around around around around around?"

Hank laughed and pat Xavier's back. "You're a good kid."

"I'm 30, though."

"A real fuckin' fresh 30. Besides, to me everyone's a kid." Hank shrugged. "Even that one." he pointed to Connor. Connor in turn pointed to himself.

"In your defense, I was built in August 2038. I'm technically only 4 years old." Xavier's stress level went up considerably. "But I was programmed with the maturity man in his late twenties to mid-thirties and beyond."

Xavier put his hand to his stomach and looked away, eyebrows furrowed.

Right. Humans don't like that talk.

Connor took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck, watching as Xavier began to tape the garland to the fireplace.

"Do you need help?" Connor asked.

Xavier nodded.

It took about 10 minutes and a bread break for the house to be fully decorated. Xavier found himself anxiously sweeping up the fallen strips of garland and the glitter off the floor and surfaces, claiming it was for Sumo's safety. Swiping breadcrumbs into his hand and wiping the table with a clorox wipe afterward. Connor couldn't decipher whether this was obsessive or simply away to distract himself, or if he was still coping with stress.

"Hey." Hank held Xavier's wrist, effectively stopping him mid-clean. "You're not a roomba. There can be a little mess around the house."

"But..." Xavier looked off into the distance, then at his hands. Shaking. A mix of too much caffeine and stress. Connor wanted Xavier to have coffee. It made him happy, but it was certainly undoing any progress made in the past few days. "Okay. I can make lattes. Let's make a latte. Connor."

Connor hadn't taken his eyes off of the man for a while now.

"Do you want a latte?"

"Yes." The act of making coffee was a distraction. But a better one than cleaning even the smallest crumbs. So both Hank and Connor watched Xavier do his magic. Hank asked more questions, to which Xavier explained with ease and confidence. Sometimes Connor just wanted to kiss him, but admiring him would just have to do. And then Xavier looked right at him, into his eyes, which made Connor embarrassed for once.

"What do you want in yours? I have all sorts of syrup." he motioned to the tall glass bottles. "They're what they say on the tin."

"Can I sample them? I've only ever tasted black coffee and kettle corn."

"Oh, right. Hank, do you have little tiny bowls for me to put them in?"

Hank grabbed them and watched as Xavier put a bit of each syrup into it.

Connor dipped two fingers into the vanilla flavor. It had been the emptiest of the five, but he didn't need research to know vanilla was popular, especially with Hank.

Next was hazelnut. This one was smooth and warm.

Caramel was rich and gave him a warm feeling in his circuits. He'd tasted this on Xavier's breath enough to know what he thought of it.

And last but not least, a coffee flavored coffee syrup.

Connor furrowed his brow. "Coffee?"

"Gives it a strong flavor boost. Customers like it more than they like vanilla."

Well. It tasted like artificial coffee.

He cleaned off his hands and pulled out the caramel one with a little smile.

"Hell yeah." grinned Xavier, preparing the cup. "See? My brother-in-caramel-arms!" he said to Hank, who made a noise of amusement.

"Sounds... sticky." Connor said. He wanted to wrap his arms around Xavier's waist and rest his head on his shoulder. To help relax him. But Hank was there, and Hank didn't like seeing things like that. Still, he stood close and watched Xavier make his cup while Hank waited for his to cool down.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nightly talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will be slowing down.
> 
> hopefully i'll get a meaningful chapter out once a week until the end

'Give me my note, give me my note, give me my--'

And it had stopped. Dead.

Xavier gasped and jolted away, panting hard. Turned away from Connor and covered his face and tried to calm himself down.

"It's over, darling." Connor said, smoothing his hair and holding him close. Xavier was shocked at first, like he didn't realise Connor was awake, then relaxing. "You're home. You're safe."

"Did I wake you up?" The pain in his voice was obvious.

"No. I've been going through case files." His white hands danced along Xavier's tawny skin. The heat. The soft stomach, soft chest. Humans always had a smell unique to them, and Xavier's was almost addictive. His hand rested on Xavier's heart.

"Did you crack the case?" He teased half-heartedly.

"The secret was in the sauce all along." Connor whispered. Xavier's laugh was enough to drag him from the pits of his thoughts. The daydreams of beating that android until it couldn't be reactivated.

"Yeah? What sauce?"

"Hm. Mustard."

"You like mustard?"

"I've never had it."

Xavier wriggled himself deeper into Connor's embrace and laced their fingers on his chest together.

"I wanted to kill him." Connor's voice was low. Solemn. "It took everything I had not to take my gun and fill him with bullets."

"That would make the investigation pretty hard, Connor." Xavier said, gasping quietly at the sudden, strong grip around him.

"Androids can be reactivated. Humans can't. Humans die easy. But that fucking thing?" he growled.

"Calm down, baby." Xavier said softly. He'd have bruises on his thigh with how hard Connor was squeezing. Hearing his voice so low and having his grip so tight was... Well, certainly attractive to say the least. "I'm alive. And so are you. We're both here right now." he pulled Connor's hand away from his sore thigh and placed it on his stomach. "Kinda hard to believe, though, isn't it?"

"A bit." ... "Did I hurt you?" he asked.

"Nothin' to worry yourself about. You're going into the station tomorrow, right? And you're working with that shithead?"

"Don't call Hank that."

"Don't be stupid, I'm talking about the guy who smells like Axe and I almost had to take outside."

"Yes. Hank and I will be working with Gavin during this case."

"Tell him that if he wants to fuck with you, he's gotta fuck with me first."

"I don't need you getting hurt anymore."

"Connor."

"Yes?"

Xavier shifted his position in the bed and buried his face in Connor's silk shirt. Unbuttoned it to feel and give sweet, soft kisses.

"We're still going to Kara's party, right?"

Connor's breath was heavy. Why? Sure, the kisses were sensitive, but there was no reason for him to feel so stimulated. No reason for Xavier to be doing this, despite how much it made Connor's mind go blank.

"Yes. As long as either you or Hank are going. I couldn't enjoy a party without company I'm close to."

Connor moved Xavier's hands away from his pants and put them to his thirium pump.

"This regulates the heartbeat. Mine in particular. It'd be odd if it regulated yours."

"How come it's so low?"

"That's a question for CyberLife." he took a breath, feeling Xavier's calloused fingers drift over it, almost scared. "You could unlock it and take it right out of me. I would shut down less than two minutes later."

"You're not gonna tell me you have a kink for almost dying, are you?"

"No. Though that would be very interesting. I'm telling you in case whatever's happening to those androids who had those notes happens to me."

Xavier caught his breath and sat up. Cold fear washed over him. "It-it won't. It won't!"

"If I sense myself getting that way, I'd sooner kill myself. I'm not telling you this to scare you. I want you and Hank to live, even if it means killing me. Do you understand?"

"Why are you saying that? D-do we need to get you repaired? Did you--" he shook his head and tried to calm himself down. Despite the terror going through his system, Xavier relaxed with Connor's touch.

"I don't know what I'm going to find, dear. I can only hope it's not a virus."

"Well..." Xavier chuckled. "If someone had to kill me, I'd rather it be you than anyone else."

"I'd rather you not die, actually. At any capacity."


	43. Chapter 43

"Fuck you, you crazy bastard!"

Xavier's knuckles ached. It felt like he was inhaling sharp chunks of ice. His face had gone numb from the snow. There was blood, luckily it was only a superficial wound. Connor would probably go crazy if he ended up seriously wounded again.

But the man was running (well, limping quickly) away, and the android was safe. He knew the basic troubleshooting for androids, and he'd learned to repair them after repairing his family android was starting to cost more and more for them.

He locked its jaw back in place and checked the biocomponents for any problems. Fear gripped deep in his stomach. This android could maul him. Rip him apart. He'd be the bodies in the alleyway. He'd be Martha. He'd be the next one killed by an insane fucking android.

Brittany had told him at the coffee shop (with a pissed off voice at having to take his shifts) that she was sure he'd be next. He was dating an android after all. What kind of idiot was he??

The android shot upright and would've knocked Xavier out if he hadn't moved just far back enough.

It scrambled up and began to run until it tried to climb up a fence.

"Chill out, dude!" Xavier called. "You're safe! That asshole ain't coming back."

The android's jacket was stuck between the chain links. Xavier sighed and helped it get down.

"He-he... He was scared... He just started hitting me and hitting me..." its voice shook and it fell to its knees on the ground, head in its hands, weeping. "I'm so scared of myself..."

"Did you hurt someone?" Xavier sat with it, patting its back.

"No... But he heard about the virus. It-it made me nervous. I got fidgety... I guess I deserve it..."

"C'mon. Let's get you somewhere warmer." He knew androids had much better resilience to heat and cold, but just taking it to shelter would be good for it.

"They're gonna put us in camps again." It shivered as Xavier led it to the closest CyberLife store. "We'll all die."

"I don't think so." Xavier said softly. "I think we'll be alright." He thanked god for heaters as they got in the store, which had been renovated in the past few years. Androids weren't selling other androids anymore. This was for spare parts and repairs. Thirium and fresh biocompenents. And Connor and Hank, apparently.

For some reason he was embarrassed. Self-conscious of his red face and the blood and thirium all over him. Worry of what Connor would do or say gripped his gut. He quickly handed the android a hundred bucks and left the store before either of his housemates noticed him. Sure, it was suspicious, but he'd take that over anymore pity.

If the world wanted to kill him, he'd do his damndest to do the best he could for others before it did.

What were Connor and Hank doing there anyway? Well, dumbass, they were there for the investigation. Obviously.

What if Connor caught that virus? Sure, it was easy to pretend he'd be okay with being killed. But the idea made him sick.

Word was getting out about the 'terminator' virus. Give an inch and they'll take a mile. The humans weren't so keen on second chances with androids. History was still fresh in their minds. The idea that androids were equal to them was hard to swallow. There was no way the government-- or at least Michigan or at the very least, Detroit (again) wouldn't quarantine the androids who have come in contact with the other killers.

That would 100% include Connor.

Something clicked. He ran back into the CyberLife store, startling everybody in the general area and earning a gun pointed at him.

The two weren't there.

"Where did the cops go?" he puffed, leaning against the counter.

"Back to their car."

"Shit. Thanks."

"Why, was there a crime?"

"No, I just thought about something. Thanks again!" he placed a ten dollar bill on the counter (he just loved giving out money, didn't he?) and ran to his car and dialed Connor.

"Baby! Baby, holy shit."

"Is everything alright?" Connor sounded distressed.

"Yeah. Well-- no? Yeah, just listen. Don't probe that android's memory."

"Why not?"

"I think it'll infect you. I mean-- I don't know anything about the damn case, other than the obvious, b-but hear me out."

"I'm listening."

"Viruses spread. I'm sure the second you get your lil' android hand onto it, it'll get you sick. Once you guys interface or whatever, it'll get ya."

Connor was quiet.

"I understand." he said after a few moments. "I will take this into consideration, Xavier."

"You already figured that out, though, right? Fuck, I'm so stupid." he covered his face. "I'm just worried, okay? I dunno, put a glove on? Hook the guy up to a fuckin' TV and play his memory through there or whatever?"

Connor gasped. "Xavier! I'll talk to you at home! I love you!" he sounded awfully excited.

"I love you too, Connor. You and Hank be careful out there."

"You too." There was a smile in his voice. And Connor still never said goodbye when he hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song 'whiskey' by maroon 5's stuck in my head...


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bad android

Xavier's suggestion was a good one. Much safer than directly connecting, anyway. And a human could easily access the android's ports and wires to hook it up to a television.

That would be fine and dandy, except for the fact that the android... this * _fucking android_ * seemed to be working against him any and every way it knew how intentionally or not.

Connor took a silent joy watching it live some sort of pain as it shorted out again. But the rational part of him knew that those thoughts were psychotic. His rational part also knew that the way this android was shorting out and killing the biocomponents that were slotted inside wasn't normal.

Despite knowing it wouldn't work, Connor decided to open the door in its abdomen and fiddle with the wires himself. Chances were, it would be sent back to CyberLife. And once they were sent back to CyberLife, they were never returned and no information was ever given back.

"I don't think that's gonna work, son." Hank was sympathetic. "We're better off catching a fresh one, if we can."

"I don't want all this to be for nothing. Isn't it strange how none of the androids in this case aren't able to be reactivated?"

"I think you're a sick fuck. Looking for excuses to pry open that android." Gavin said, looking up from the copy of the note.

"I don't see you doing a damn thing, Gavin. Why don't you make yourself useful for once and get me more electrical tape?" he clipped.

Hank stopped Gavin from lunging at him and sighed like a tired parent.

"Okay. Gavin, get the fucking tape. Connor, don't talk to Gavin."

"I don't know why they merged us all on these fucking cases..." Gavin hissed. Slammed his hand against the lock and left.

"Gettin' feisty, huh?" Hank was trying to lighten the mood, but it was obvious Connor wasn't going to join along anytime soon. The florescent lights above flickered some.

Connor pinched some wires that made the android's motors twitch involuntarily. Not a spark of life. Just the pushing of two cables. Connor moved on, though he was no robo-doctor. He had to crack this one.

But looking at this android's disgusting face. The absolute audacity of this * _thing_ * to draw its gun on Xavier. He wanted it alive. He wanted answers, he wanted revenge, he wanted results!

Anything plugged into it shorted out or sparked with enough electricity to cause a fire if they weren't careful. It took everything he had not to just shove it off the table and march off like a child.

"You tried your best."

"I didn't learn a thing. We've been in this room for three hours." voice tight, fists clenched to his side. "I wasted so much time." His light flashed red. "I'm getting too emotional. I'm going to calm myself down and come back with a clear head."

"The guys'll probably send the body back to CyberLife on Thursday." Hank said. "I'll see if we can get some guys from the repair shop over while you chill out. Alright?"

"Yes. But be careful, Hank. Please."

"Thanks, Connor."

-

Despite coffee's effect on humans, it made him feel calm and at home. Hank drank coffees in the morning. He went to that cafe, where Connor just used to sit in the car and wait. Rain, snow, shine, he'd always come back with a hot cup of joe, reluctant but needing to start the morning off with a completely legal drug.

The smell had always intrigued Connor. Such a bold aroma. But nothing had ever driven him to want to taste it, even when Hank would offer him a sip (which he would turn down), claim the barista was the best in Michigan, and they'd be on their way.

In a few ways it was odd for Connor to be there, sitting at his desk, warming his hands with a waxy paper cup full of coffee. Xavier said glass or ceramic made the coffee taste better, though, so that was unfortunate.

Androids don't develop familial relationships with humans on their own. They don't develop romantic love with humans. And they certainly don't drink coffee. Despite how it felt like a hug from an attractive man who smelled like coffee and some spicy cologne.

Part of him wondered if he was ever a machine to begin with. CyberLife alleged they'd planned for him to go deviant and tried to resume control. Sure, he put his hand to the stone. The 'emergency exit'. But what if that was a ruse?

A gulp of the hot coffee. He didn't care to savor Folgers' brand anyway.

Around him, work continued as usual. Papers fluttering. People talking, running around, cleaning up, just living their lives. The police androids were gone-- either out of the police force or out on a mission. He'd spoken to one before but it seemed intimidated by him.

Connor had spoken to some people about a program named Amanda in their Zen Garden.

'Zen Garden?' Markus blinked. 'What are you talking about?'

He had decided not to talk about it any more. The Zen Garden was in the past. Not that he could get in if he wanted to.

This was his new place to think. Basically anywhere with a cup of coffee to ground him. Anywhere that reminded him of the warmth of the love Hank and Xavier had for him.

Luckily his drifting into sleep-mode was interrupted by a message.

A drawing of a bird with thin, flowy lines.

'cant stop thinkin abt the bird tattoo. what do u think?'

Xavier had drawn that. How did he not know Xavier had talent in drawing? His chest felt full of joy. For a few minutes, he forgot about the case completely. The man he loved finding his passion again was exhilarating to the point he was sure his face would be stuck smiling all day.

'I think it's lovely, dear! Where would you put it? -Connor'

'lol idk. prob on my back or smth.'

Then a moment later,

'u really like it?'

'Yes. The lines look like coffee steam, as well. I don't know if it was intentional, but it certainly reminds me of you. So a correction is in order. I LOVE it. -Connor'

'ur a real cutie u kno.'

Connor didn't have time to respond. The stress level that had lowered all the way down to 20% had spike up to 60% as soon as he saw the repairmen make their way to the room. Connor very quickly sent a heart emoji and followed the employees to the back.

"Connor! The fuck you doin' here? I thought you were out clearin' your big-ass head." Hank scoffed. "Damn workaholic, this guy."

"Uh oh," an android with blonde hair said, taking out a lot of tiny, intricate tools.

"What?" Connor asked firmly.

"This looks like a challenge," she continued. "if we do manage to wake him up, we'll only have about 30 seconds."

"He shorts out anything we plug into him, too." Hank explained the whole thing, including the dubbed 'Terminator' virus.

"So Connor can't interface with him?" one of the men asked.

"No, I'll risk catching it. And any android, really. It's better safe than sorry, I think." Connor said solemnly.

"We'll see what we can do, alright?"

In Toledo, Ohio, several shots rang out.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another late night talk

He found some sort of solace in Xavier's skin, as usual. Even just tracing the lines in the palm of his hand. Rough, human hands with veins and blood pulsing beneath it. It made Xavier feel good-- feel great, even-- that Connor could find comfort in the things Xavier himself never thought too much about.

His synthetic hair felt soft. But it never needed to be washed or brushed. No upkeep required. Even when Xavier had balled his fists in Connor's hair, ran his hands through it, messed it up real good (either in pleasure or good fun), all Connor had to do was will it back into place. But he never fixed the little tuft of hair that hung out of place.

The blankets were nice and toasty. And Connor was not in a good mood, despite the soft touches and the quiet way he spoke his words.

"You smell like coffee." he said. Then blinked. "From the cafe, I mean. Did you work an earlier shift?"

"Yeah. Trying to get more hours to make up for the fucking month I missed. And Brittany quit, so I'm taking her afternoons and most evenings."

"You shouldn't work yourself so hard." he ran his thumb along the apples of Xavier's cheeks. "Why were you in the CyberLife store? Is it relevant to your injuries?"

Eep. "Just... A man was beating up an android. Everyone's afraid of their androids again." he said quietly.  "I wanted to get him somewhere safe. You-- you saw me?"

"Yes, but you seemed like you didn't want to talk, and I wanted to interrogate the sick bastard who tried to kill you."

"Ow." Xavier yanked his hand away. Connor's LED flickered yellow for some time. Even as he held Xavier's hand and apologised, and even as he was forgiven.

"I'm glad you're safe." He pulled his hands away from Xavier and sat up in the bed. Looked out the window. "I'm going to sleep in my own room tonight."

"I'm sure those fish are getting lonely." Xavier said, helping Connor off the bed and walking him to his room.

"Can I talk to you before you go back?"

The room was painted in shimmering blues and greens from the aquarium. Apparently Connor had added a new little castle to the tank for the fish to swim in. And more fake plants. His bed was well-made. Of course it was, he'd been sleeping in the guest room with Xavier for the past few months. The sound of the bubbler and the water fountain pouring into the tank put him at ease.

Xavier sat on the bed with him. Connor didn't touch him. Couldn't even look at him.

"What's the matter?" Xavier asked cautiously, putting a well-meaning hand on Connor's knee. Connor's hand held his just long enough to move it away. Alright. Got it.

"My emotions have been running extremely high since we've gotten involved with each other. I've spent a lot of time worrying about you."

He knew this wouldn't be a happy talk but it still felt like he got the wind knocked out of him.

"I'm not used to it. I became a deviant 4 years ago. I should be accustomed to such stress. Shouldn't I? I have more programs that allow me to get rid of emotional responses, but they seem... glitched."

Xavier only blinked, trying to look into Connor's eyes.

Connor avoided them.

"It's getting in the way." he said firmly, fists clenched in the cotton blankets.

No. No. Nope. No. This wasn't happening. Why was it hard to breathe so suddenly.

"I-I..." Xavier's voice cracked, mind totally blank.

"Let me finish."

"Okay." he said hoarsely.

"I'm scared. I'm scared of losing Hank. I always have been, and always will. For a long time, he was the only human I've had such a strong bond with. If I lost him, I... I don't know what I would do with myself." Connor's voice cracked. Xavier wanted desperately to reach out and hold him, but he knew Connor didn't want that.

"And then I met you. I found someone to bond with in a different way. And I'm... I'm not sure if it's because of all the extreme situations we've been in, but everything I feel about you is multiplied by at least ten. My stress, my anger, my... my love, my lust, my confusion. And because you were directly involved in this case, it's making me make mistakes. I'm worrying about you getting put at gunpoint again. I'm so afraid of you dying, Xavier.

"I don't know anything about the afterlife. But if there is one, androids and humans certainly won't go to the same place. A part of me will be missing if you Go. I wish... I wish I could protect you and Hank. I'd give my life to keep the both of you safe. I would die happy, I believe." he sat back against the headboard, still unable to look at his boyfriend. He wiped the tears from his own eyes and reached for Xavier's hand, promising he won't hurt him this time.

"Please don't cry, Xavier." he said softly. "I was just starting to see you flourish. A-and now I've gotten you depressed all over again. I love you, you know. Or... What I feel like love is. I just need to give myself some distance if I can while I figure out this case."

"Are... Is... Are we splitting up?"

"No? No! No." Connor pushed his lips against Xavier's, feeling the human melt into a puddle in his arms. "No no no. I want you to understand that if I start acting cold and distant, it's simply because I need to remain professional until the case is solved."

"I understand." Xavier nodded. "I want you to be successful. I know you can crack this case!"

Connor smiled. "I'm going to go over the files and get some rest. I suggest you get some rest as well."

He got up, wiped the tears and kissed Connor's cheek. "Sweet dreams, Bob."

"Um. If you need to, don't hesitate to wake me up. I want to be there for you when you need me."

"Same to you. Goodnight."

Xavier closed the door gently behind him and took a deep breath. Held it until he got to the guest room. Except he didn't cry. He held the stuffed animal close to his chest. Poor Connor. Poor, poor Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress To Connor's Explosion: 75%


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh oh!

"Are you alright? You've been cleaning since you clocked in." June's LED briefly flashed yellow as Xavier once again brought a damp paper towel to the already pristine equipment and counter. "Is this what you do during your morning shifts?"

Not only had the counters been scrubbed clean, the equipment triple clean, the furniture and decor disinfected and dusted, but even the break room and the bathrooms were spotless.

"Your hands are going to crack," she said softly, pulling out a tube of peppermint lotion. "you might want some of this."

Xavier looked away from his work to his scarred, shaking hands. Then opened his palms and began to rub the lotion on them again. The strong peppermint scent just barely knocked him out of his trance. Then he knit his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side.

"Why do you carry lotion?" Not even construction androids had rough hands.

"Olivia always complains about her chapped hands." June scoffed, but with a tender smile on her face. "They get like that during the winter. But does she bring lotion? Noooo."

"Who's Olivia?"

If June could blush, she'd be red as the ornaments on the wreath. She pushed her blonde hair behind her ear, eyes cast down bashfully at her shoes and took a small breath.

"My girlfriend..."

"Awww," cooed Xavier. "She cute?"

"Yes! We met at the park!" she giggled. "Late November." The smile from the giggle turned into a smirk. "And I heard you managed to snag that RK800 for all your troubles."

Now it was Xavier's time to blush. His knuckles were white as they gripped the marble counter.

"The most advanced prototype CyberLife's ever created." June said wistfully. "God, I wish that were me."

Xavier hadn't really forgotten about what advanced tech Connor was. It just wasn't something he thought about. After all, that dumbass almost tripped over Sumo this morning.

"Why do you wish you were Connor?" he sort of halted between his words, unsure of where she was gonna go with that.

"He's a state-of-the-art android! His basics are high-end, high-spec, extremely expensive and rare upgrades for us normal models." she pressed her hand wistfully against her cheek. "You've gotta tell me all about him, Xavier. Is he a romantic? A real dream boat? He's really cute, for a guy."

"We'd be here all day." Xavier went for a broom, the memory of Connor's lips on his cheek and forehead flustering him all of the sudden. And how excited he was when he talked about his cases and how he cracked the case in the novel he was reading. The floor was spotless. This sweep was unnessecary. He'd given up halfway and held his elbows. "Tell me about your girl."

Olivia loved the fine arts, but loved theatre the most. Apparently their house was filled with pictures of them with broadway stars, old scripts of famous plays, and even an old marquee sign. Olivia loved interior design, so of course it was put together well. Her parents were eager to see the two married and moving on to some farmland together someday.

"What about you and Connor? Gosh, I bet he's so sweet. I'm sure you two already have the honeymoon planned, right?"

Joking or not, it still made Xavier stop.

"I never really expected to live this long." he said quietly.

"Oh." June covered her mouth apologetically. "I'm sorry. You've been thrown a lot at once, huh?"

"It's okay. It's just... I mean, without Connor and Hank I wouldn't be alive..." From either blood loss or suicide. "They mean the world to me."

"It's nice having someone, isn't it?"

"It really is."

They made coffee for the small trickle of customers stopping by. June always got the complicated orders-- she liked doing them for some ungodly reason, but she always did it well. Xavier hummed along to the Christmas Jazz and started to re-clean the now soiled equipment when he got a message. From Hank, no less!

'Even tho Con's emotions r turned off he's still got u on his mind. Just thought it was cute.'

Didn't Connor say that feature was glitched? A part of him felt guilty Connor would even have to attempt activating it, but he felt... helpless in a way. And what exactly did Hank mean by having Xavier in his mind? Was he getting overly emotional? As soon as Xavier opened the keyboard to respond, Connor had texted him.

'I hope you're doing well at work, dear. Unfortunately no progress has been made yet on our side. But I hope to solve it soon. -Connor'

And then almost immediately after were three heart emojis and Connor's usual signature.

'Emotions turned off' Xavier's ass. This guy was still as cute as usual.

'thnx hank. hope yall r doin alright'

And to Connor,

'im doin gr8 babe hope u r too. love u <3'

A few customers came in during his chat with June about the apartment he was looking into ("... and the pool's even got a fucking bar. How sweet is that?"). They were taken care of quickly, and Xavier went again to clean every single coffee grind from the area.

"Why don't you just stay with them?" June asked, eyes on Xavier's hands for some time.

"Cuz I never meant to stay for more than two days. I was just there until I could stop being such a pussy and get back into my own place." he sighed deeply. "Then shit went down and I packed all my shit. It's in their attic till I get myself together and move out."

"Do they not like you living there...?"

"I mean, they act like they like me around." Maybe the disinfectant got into a tiny cut, cuz his hands felt like fire. Oh. Nice. He was bleeding, actually.  "But I can't just live there forever. It feels wrong to me." Now he'd have to disinfect the counter and the sink again. "I just want my own place to go back to. And then I can invite Connor over when we wanna do stuff we don't want Hank or Sumo hearing, or just watching movies or--" Wait. Shit. Shit. TMI, TMI! Before he could sputter out something else, June gasped. Xavier winced, and not just from the hot water.

"He gets urges like that?"

"I-I-I don't-- I don't know why I-- I-I wasn't-- I wasn't thinking." Then again, when did he ever? Dumbass.

"Sorry. I just thought that only androids designed for... * _that_ * could get those urges. Even as a deviant with an amazing, wonderful girlfriend, I don't... get those." she admitted, holding her elbows.

"Uh... Okay..." What was he supposed to say to that? "Sorry." Christ, he should've kept his mouth shut. He wanted to find something to say. Is lust not normal for most androids?

"Do you need bandages?" June asked, probably glad for the whole bleeding distraction.

"Yeah... They'll probably just keep bleeding..." he looked to the bloody sink in defeat.

She took some clean bandages and gently wrapped them around his hands. She bit her lips and looked up at him.

"Hey. Sorry to keep prying. But I need to know." her voice shook. "Does Connor know anything about that virus?" LED was a solid yellow.

"All we think we know is that they're connected by two things. One might just be coincidence though." he took his hands away and thanked her for the bandaging. "An encrypted note meant for the androids, and human and android lovers." he chuckled sadly. "Hits close to home."

June had stepped back and stared at him like he'd said something crazy.

"A note?" her voice was barely above a whisper.

Xavier's knees felt weak as June pulled a note exactly like the ones he'd seen Connor go over and over and over right out of her purse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh! how unfortunate!  
> uh oh!! how unfortunate!!  
> im gonna do a sneaky thing  
> and add a new contender in the ring!


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor talks to june

__

Xavier had finished filling out and signing papers, and was being led out. Still, Connor found himself reaching for him, as if trying to grab his sleeve and follow him home. The man looked so tired.

"Hey, dumbass, the fuckin' case." Gavin pulled him back into the office area. "Your whole fuckin' 'no emotion' protocol must be as stupid as the rest of you."

Xavier was gone, but the painfully apologetic look on his face still lingered in his mind.

"It became faulty as soon as my deviancy ruined my programming." he stated, now turning to Gavin. "While it certainly dampens the intensity of the emotions I feel, they can't be erased completely."

"What a waste of time." Gavin scoffed. "A guy like that with a giant pile of plastic like you? Come on--"

"Your personal issues with my relationship is irrelevant to the case." Connor said firmly.

"I'll talk to you about it after you talk to the android in the back." Gavin muttered. The usual quip or smug remarks were gone. He sat at his desk with his arms folded.

After a while of going through the files again, the android was ready to be questioned.

-

Model number 822 301 620. An AP700 in a serious relationship with a human. She'd been working at the coffee shop alongside Xavier for two years.

Quick searches for any crimes or felonies turned up empty. She and her girlfriend were just living their lives with nothing exceptional going on.

The note had been put into a tough plastic baggy. The ink was faded at the edges where it seems to have been folded over and over and over again, like a nervous tick. The florescent light left a steady, high pitched hum in the room.

"Who gave you this, June?" Connor asked.

"A human. I think. I don't remember what they looked like, b-but it sounded like a girl." Her voice quivered. "Olivia and I were at the holiday festival. Someone bumped into me while I was waiting by the bathrooms. The person said something like, 'I have a secret for you'? Or something like that?" Her LED spun as she tried to recall. "Then she slipped the note into my pockets and went off."

"Did she give you the decryption key?"

"No, it's not in my databanks. I've been trying to decipher it since I got it."

Connor pressed his lips in a thin line and began to pull out some photos.

"Martha Helen and Riley, an AV500." These weren't the crime scene photos, of course. "George Lester and Alexandria, an AP700." June's eyes were stuck on the pictures of Martha and Riley. "And lastly, Martin Hayes and Leslie, an AK400. And this older model, a TE900." That picture went down with some force. "Do any of these look or sound familiar to you?"

"Martha and Riley were friends with Xavier. They'd come over to the cafe and talk for hours." she took shaky breaths. "And for the rest, I've seen these people on the news. And this is the android that almost killed Xavier." she pointed to the TE900.

"Okay. Why do you think you were handed this note? You hold a lot of answers and I'm eager to get into them."

June raised her eyebrows at him and looked to the note. "I have no idea, honestly."

"Let me give you some information on the others who got this."

As he explained, her voice contorted, tears fell from her eyes and she covered her mouth. Disbelief. Fear.

"I-I mean... I mean Xavier told me something like- like that, but..." she wiped her eyes with shaking hands. "I don't wanna kill! I'm not a killer! I'm not, I-I-"

"Relax, June. I know you're not a killer. You haven't done anything wrong, and you * _won't_ * do anything wrong." he said softly. "You're doing incredible by coming in and giving us information we need to stop these killings. I need you to relax."

Her LED was spinning and flickering yellow. She fanned her face and nodded, trying to blink back tears.

"I bet this is how Riley felt, huh? He didn't wanna kill her. I don't ever wanna hurt Olivia."

"Your diagnostic and all of our scanning didn't pick up on anything unusual. It seems to me like the virus may not have affected you yet. Which is odd to me, because I thought direct contact with the note is what led to the severe instability." he explained. "Especially with how much you've been folding this."

She nodded mournfully. Stress level 80%. If she self-destructed, what were the odds of them ever finding an android like this again?

"June, what I want to do right now is observe you." Connor said. "For a few days, maybe a week. I need to learn more about this note."

"Observe me? Observe me how?? You're not a pervert, are you?"

Connor massaged his temples. "What I mean is, you will likely be put into a cell. You won't be treated as a suspect, even. I need to know of the note itself is the cause of the killings, or simply a red herring. Riley never actually received the note, but Martha was supposed to. The others have been in direct contact with it for at least three days leading up to the murders."

Riley was reluctant to kill.

The others seemed like they completely lost their minds. But that TE900 seemed to be unstable to begin with.

Was this note a warning? Instructions, maybe? Was it too late for June?

"Can I call my girlfriend?" she asked quietly.

"She's already requested to come up to the station. I have another question for you. Will you continue to cooperate with us?"

"I don't want Olivia to die! Of course I will!"

"Great. Now I need you to tell me everything you can."

He learned how accepting Olivia's family was. How people on the streets harrassed them, how June didn't feel different at all after getting the note. A whole bunch of nothing at the moment.

"One last thing. As you could still possibly be compromised, I can't risk interfacing with you directly. I'd like to access your memory that night of the festival."

"Go ahead." she said solemnly, opening her arm to reveal the colorful ports.

"Thank you so much, June." he hooked her up to the tablet.

They had been by the food tents when Olivia excused herself to the bathroom. June had followed to guard the doors when a person in heavy clothes came by.

Connor attempted to scan the face on the screen. Her name was S--

The screen glitched violently. The wires cracked and popped. June violently jerked up, LED pulsing a dangerous red. Connor quickly unplugged her and made sure she was okay.

"What happened? Are you alright?" his voice was calm, but he certainly wasn't. "Are you hurt?"

Her body moved mechanically. She stood up. Grabbed the chair. Connor barely dodged it and opened up the door for security. If she landed a hand on him, he would be compromised himself. Something was guiding her, that light in her eyes was gone. He dodged an attack and watched as she began to struggle against the guards.

"Do not destroy her. I * _need_ * her alive. Subdue her, take her to a cell, and make sure she can't self-destruct." Connor said firmly. "Whatever's getting the androids to kill must be trying to protect itself."

But what human could assume control of an android through a little note?

He processed this as he cleaned up the evidence room. Looking at the files he could easily read back in his sleep.

How many notes were there? What was the motive? Why didn't the human desperately hiding herself just glitch the android's memory  as it happened, and not as soon as it was accessed?

Chills ran through his circuitry.

He had touched the note Lyn gave him at the apartments a long while ago. But he was fine.

Then again, they thought June was fine too.


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connors a big ol sillyhead

"Can you try talking to this dumbass?" Hank huffed over the phone. "I said what I could, but he keeps saying" -he began to imitate Connor's voice- "'But Lieutenant! I don't want to hurt anyone!'" he scoffed and went back to his normal voice. But Xavier could feel some sort of ache in it as he spoke. "Like he doesn't trust himself anymore."

As soon as Xavier made his way to the police station, Hank dragged him over to the observation cell Connor had put himself in. Hank's face was worry etched deep in it.

"Connor!" Hank exclaimed, switching the 2 way mirror off on Connor's side and pulling Xavier to the glass.

The android heard Hank, but didn't look up. He was surrounded by biocomponents, wires, cables, tablets and instruction manuals. He had his shirt sleeves rolled up. Apparently he'd been checking his own ports. Xavier felt cold.

"Everything * _seems_ * to be in working order." he went over with the pen Xavier had given him to his leather journal. He still used that thing? He hooked himself up again to the tablet and began testing his memories. They seemed mostly of the festival and most of them happened to be looking at Xavier or in his general direction. "* _But_ * it could be because I'm deliberately trying to get these results." He then switched the memory on the tablet to his memory of... Him scanning a memory. Xavier recognised the bracelets on the arm as June's. "Fuck!" The memory ended as the memory inside it crashed.

Seeing him like this made Xavier realise how Connor must've felt when Xavier himself was acting so obsessive and compulsive. Only this time it was more depressing.

"If I can't scan this woman from a memory of a memory, what the * _hell_ * am I gonna do if I've been compromised? Wait until I get taken over?"

His LED had been a solid red this whole time. No wonder Hank was so stressed out.

"Hey, babe?" Xavier pressed his hand to the glass cautiously, like one would to a display at the zoo.

Connor slowly turned from the spare parts he was going through. Brown eyes widened some. LED now cycling a pensive yellow.

"I should've known he'd bring you over." Connor sighed and unplugged himself. Made himself decent by rebuttoning his shirt and closing the port departments on his arms. He walked up to the glass and made eye contact with Xavier. "Your friend was compromised." he pointed a finger to the left where she was being held apparently. He explained the whole thing, LED returning to its violent red state.

Xavier bit his lip and looked at his feet. Clenched his fists and took a deep breath.

"I touched a note myself. At the apartments, remember? It could have expired by then, but why would it? How could it? Was it time-sensitive, one-use-only, contagious? How can I know? The decryption without a key will take years. And I didn't manage to get it." He was furious with himself. "I'll be damned if I hurt the only two people I really care about in this world." he said firmly. "I'll stay in here until my batteries finally run out if I have to."

Hank only frowned. He'd been stewing in his own sort of anger this whole time.

"We'll miss Kara's party. And Christmas." Xavier said quietly. "Stop doing this to yourself. What if the note's not even relevant? What if it's just some stupid fucking calling card or a warning or whatever?"

"I can't take that chance."

"Can I come in there?" Xavier looked at the fuming Connor and the equally enraged Hank.

"No-- what don't you understand about the fact that I could possibly be compromised? I could kill you!"

"And what don't * _you_ * understand about me not giving a shit, asshole?" Xavier demanded. "You think I give a shit? I've almost died twice this month. I've had my whole fucking life fall apart. Fuck you if you think I'm not gonna come in there and at least hug you. If I die, then thank fucking god. At least I'll die happy."

Connor placed his plastic hand against the glass, right on top of Xavier's and met his furious eyes.

"You're gonna drive yourself crazy in there. Running diagnostics and checking all your ports and whatever else bullshit. All alone. You can't be by yourself." his bottom lip quivered before he bit it and looked away. "I-I get it, you know? I understand why. But don't you think the android investigating this case would've been infected by now?"

"Xavier. I don't want to hurt you or Hank." he said each word slowly.

"Alright, so you're gonna sit here all alone, stressing yourself out, giving yourself more fucking tests for Christmas? You're not gonna be lonely, Connor? We're gonna miss Christmas."

"We won't. I promise." his voice shook. "Look. I'm scared, okay? Any emotion dampening protocols I had have been overwritten by my own fear. I'm being irrational, * _I know_ *." Connor wanted to push his hands through the glass and hold him, but he couldn't. He wanted his words to make sense, he never meant to scare anyone, he just wanted to protect them! Why couldn't they understand? "June was completely fine before I tried to scan the woman who gave her the note."

"I saw you try to access that memory of the memory. Wouldn't you be fucked up after that? Can I please go in there and hug you if you're not coming home with us?"

Connor had forgotten to breath. To blink. He'd been so wrapped up in watching his lover desperately try to get him out. If he killed Xavier, what would he do with himself? Death was too much of a cop-out. If he killed Xavier he'd deserve torture. To die slowly. And yet here he was, taking careful, halting steps forward towards the door. Like Xavier had at the apartments for the first time.

A hug would make Xavier happy. That was Connor's mission.

He pressed the 'request access' button carefully on his side of the door.

Hank accepted the request and opened the door up.

He was frozen as Xavier came in and gave him a big ol' bear hug. Nuzzled his face in Connor's neck and kissed his cheeks. Connor couldn't help but run his hands up Xavier's shirt and feel his racing heart.

There was no urge to kill. But the idea of there being one turned his serene blue LED back to yellow. He quickly pulled himself away and pushed Xavier back.

"I won't be in here long, darling." Connor said softly, blinking tears from his eyes. "I promise."

Xavier was taking off his hoodie.

"You better make that a pinkie promise, asshole."

Connor wasn't sure why Xavier gave him his hoodie. But he linked pinkies with him and gave him a soft kiss.

"I promise."

"Good. You keep that hoodie as a reminder to keep that promise."

"What will you wear outside?" his stress was rising the longer Xavier lingered. He gave Xavier his suit jacket and pushed him out of the room.

-

"Hey, Hank?" Xavier asked. The chill of the outside was no match for the warmth inside. But something was missing here. It was actually painfully obvious that the glue holding the two of them together was still at the station. "How are you feelin' about all this?"

"Goin' to bed." Hank threw his hat and coat on the couch and headed to his room.

"W-wait, don't!"

"Yeah? Why the fuck not?"

Xavier blinked, heart in his throat at the sudden hostility.

"You're upset. Sorry I couldn't get him back home, I-I just... I don't..." he ran his hands through his hair, full of snow from trip back in. "I'm sorry."

"It's not my boyfriend driving himself insane back there." He yanked some beer from the fridge and made his way to his room, only to be stopped by Xavier. Again.

"We're both worried about him. Talk to me, man."

Hank sighed heavily and turned around with exhausted eyes. "It doesn't work like that, kid. Sorry."

"Then I..." he put his hand up in defeat. "I'm sorry for pushing it. I'll be in the kitchen, okay?"

"Whatever." The door slammed behind him.

Xavier, you big fuckup.

Connor's presence always brought a sense of safety and warmth wherever he went. And without him, Hank's * _kinda grumpy_ * seemed to morph into a hand-wringing, stepping on eggshells type of grumpy.

Was it Xavier's fault?

Well... Technically, yes. Absolutely. He was a fucking walking trainwreck. Everyone around him seemed to be getting hurt one way or the other.

He carefully spooned some brown sugar and measured out some Irish Whiskey into the coffee and stirred. Surely Hank would've cooled down enough in two hours for him to appreciate this, right? Especially with the fresh, hand-whipped dollop of cream?

"Okay, Sumo. Apology attempt one!" he whispered to the sleepy dog.

His quiet knock on the door was met with a loud "FUCK OFF".

He stood in stunned, confused silence. Knees weak, but still able to support himself. Was the friendliness a front for Connor this whole time? Did Hank always hate him?

"I can see your shadow! Get the fuck outta here!"

He left with shaking hands and poured the drink in a to-go cup and jammed it in the fridge, labelled with Hank's name. Cleaned up his mess. Fixed up the house. Dusted. Swept. Vacuumed. Then he sat on Connor's bed and stared at the fish.

Connor would be fine, right? If Connor had been compromised he surely would've shown the signs already, * _right_ *? Right.

-

Hank greeted him a good morning, to Xavier's surprise.

"G-Good morning." he handed the lieutenant some fresh coffee. "You're going in early today?"

"Yeah." he sighed. "Look. About last night."

"Sorry. I shouldn't have tried to--"

"Shut up. You don't need to apologise. None of that was your fault. Connor locked himself up on his fuckin' own." he growled. "Like a dumbass. He's like a son to me. I've already lost one." he trailed off quietly. "I can't lose another. Or my son-in-law." he looked to Xavier and sipped the coffee. "The idea of losin' him's got me scared. And I've never seen him so afraid of himself. What am I gonna do if I lose him? And what if I lose you along with him? For the first time in a while, it felt like having a family again." he sighed and pet Sumo before walking to the door. "Just hope I won't lose it again."

"I promise, Hank, we'll be okay." Xavier said firmly. "All of us."

"I sure hope you're right." Hank sighed as Xavier handed him the car keys. "Forgot about those. And, hey." he pulled Xavier into a one-armed hug. "Family's gotta stick together through thick and thin, right?"

Xavier felt a lump in his throat and nodded firmly. "Right. Come home safe, okay? And if you don't bring Connor back with you tonight, tell him I love him."

"Will do, kid."


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xavier and connor talk about evidence

The cafe was going to be sold in the Spring and turned into another CyberLife parts store. The manager, Ann, seemed apologetic and didn't seem too thrilled herself to be giving this news.

"We already have plans to transfer you over to Starbucks, if you want. They seemed pretty excited to hear your name." She handed him some papers. "Buuut... I know how you feel about their crowd."

He processed this quietly.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why what?"

"Why's he selling the store?"

"It's not making enough. Sorry, Xavier." she said earnestly, eyebrows twisted in pity. "But seriously, anywhere you apply will take you. People like your technique."

"Where will everyone else go?"

"Well, everyone's either quit or out due to absences or just started working here. You and June were all that was keeping this cafe in working order, and June's, well..." she sighed heavily. Xavier the dirt off his boots. "Everyone will be told about the closure."

"Thanks." Xavier said softly.

-

He sat down on the bench. The sky was clear blue today. The snow was sprinkled with flakes of golden sun (he hoped that was the sun or something poetic like that). Christmas carols and talks of parties and hot chocolate filled the air.

He didn't cry. He just sat there. Dumbfounded.

He'd texted Connor. Not about the job, but just to make sure the poor guy was sane back there.

'babe i love u. hope ur ok <3 i miss u a lot :('

'I imagine the past three days have been lonely for you. I'm so sorry, dear. I love you. <3 -Connor'

He wanted to say 'if you really loved me you'd be back home', but he didn't. Connor was doing his damndest. Xavier just wanted him back in his arms.

Still, he found himself at the station. The plan was to check on Connor and then June if he could. The updates on her were a worrying repeat of the last infected android. But he was denied into the station until Hank or another officer who could approved him showed up.

Those moments were maddening. Fidgeting in his seat. Seconds were minutes, and minutes were hours. When did he start chewing his nails again? Everyone knew Xavier, Connor, and Hank were involved. Why couldn't he be let in? Why couldn't he just check on his fucking boyfriend? He felt sick to his stomach.

Every so often he'd get up and stare at the glass doors, hoping woth all his heart to see Connor and his little sideways smile walk down the hall and pull him into a hug. To tell him it was alright, he was wonderful. So fucking wonderful.

It wasn't until the third time Xavier went up to the secretary that Gavin popped in and put his hand on the desk.

"Just let the fuckin' dumbass in, he's with me." he muttered.

And like magic, Xavier was let in.

He followed Gavin in shock and was handed a key card.

"To get into the room with all the other rooms." he muttered.

"Why did you do this for me?" Xavier asked, on his toes. "Is... is he okay?"

"He scarin' me, to be honest. Thought lettin' him see his cute lil' boyfriend would turn him back to his usual plastic-ass self. Go tell him to stop wasting fuckin' space in there."

So he went, heart beating hard his ears, gripping the card like it was his life.

-

The first thing he noticed was the mess of notes and spare parts scattered around the floor. The second thing was Connor, sitting at the table pushed against the left wall. Slumped forward, face buried in Xavier's jacket. A lump formed in his throat and cold fear gripped his stomach as he noticed Connor wasn't breathing.

But androids don't have to breathe. Right. Connor was probably in sleep mode. Connor's not dead, why would he be? Fear is irrational.

Still, seeing him so motionless was chilling.

"Babe? Connor, it's me, Xavier." he said softly into the mic.

No response.

He swallowed and shakily turned the two-way mirror off so Connor could see him. Brought the little mic with him and touched the glass.

"Connor, are you alright in there?"

People were checking on him, right? He couldn't have been in too much trouble if he was still here, undisturbed, right??

He knocked on the glass.

Relax, relax, relax. It's okay. If he could move from his spot he'd ask someone who worked here how Connor was doing. But he was stuck like he was at his apartment. He looked around hopelessly. Should he-- * _could_ * he-- open the doors?

It was hard to breathe.

"Hey, wake up, Bob. You're really scarin' the shit out of me."

Painstaking moments passed. He was stuck standing there like a dumb statue, mentally begging for anyone to show up, to help where Xavier failed.

What could he do?

"Connor, I'm--"

Connor's fingers twitched.

Oh holy fucking shit. Finally Xavier could fucking breathe!

His head lifted from the hoodie. LED was as red as it was last time. He stared at the cloth and put his head back down and sighed deeply.

"Did I wake you up? I mean, I meant to, but I was just worried about you." his voice was fluctuating like he was going through puberty.

Now Connor sat up. The blinking red began to mingle with yellow as his eyes fluttered and twitched.

Fucking hell.

The android looked around. Then finally met eyes with Xavier. His face softened considerably, but his LED kept red again.

"Baby! Are you okay?"

He was dishevelled. Shirt unbuttoned from trying out so many parts, hair a mess from whatever craziness he was putting himself through, hands and arms shaking so bad Xavier just wanted to hold him to make him feel alright. He looked so exhausted.

But he ran a hand through his hair and fixed it, all but that one tuft. He continued to stare at Xavier and put his hand against the glass.

Xavier pressed his hand against the glass too.

"What the hell happened?"

Connor tilted his head. Opened his mouth, but closed it. Then began again.

"I've been scouring the deepest corners of the internet." his voice was heavy. Xavier's chest hurt. "From the beginning to just now. And now. And now. Looking for anything I can find about this case. I also saved some memes I thought you'd appreciate."

Xavier wanted to chuckle, but it sounded so worried and concerned he wasn't sure if it was a laugh at all.

"And finally, I found a post. On a blog with three posts. No one but the owner seems to have looked at it."

The silence was cold.

"They wanted humans betraying their own kind to love androids dead. It's not a unique idea by any means. The supporters are vocal on the internet, no matter how small the group. On its own, a post like that would be glossed over. But this one said they had a plan to show the humans they made a mistake. They wanted another war."

"The girl, right?"

"Yes." he said softly. "I found her."

"Holy shit!! You're amazing!! Have you told anyone yet??"

"I made a mistake somewhere."

Xavier made a pained face. "What do you mean?"

"She keeps trying to access me. With each attempt I change my code, but she keeps--" he took a breath and tapped his head. "trying."

"Have you told anyone? I'm gonna get you some help, baby, don't move, okay?" he felt dizzy.

"Don't. I'm dangerous. I don't want to take human lives. And I don't want to be shot, either."

"W-what do I do?"

"Samantha Spruce. Your father's side of the family is radical with their anti-android beliefs. She was last seen in Toledo, Ohio--" His LED flashed violently and his eyes began to flutter back.

"Sweetie? I'm, I'm gonna call some guards!"

"Don't! Don't, she's--" he let out a sigh of relief. "Shit. I'm doing my best to keep her out. My program is sophisticated enough to keep her out, I think, but she's really--"

His voice dragged and he froze mid-sentence.

Xavier's knees were weak.

"Baby, baby, c'mon. C'mon, you can fight her. This is a fucking nightmare, right?" he laughed and pressed his hands harder against the glass. "Sweetheart, wake up."

He could hear Samantha's name-- muffled, but being said by some other people.

But Xavier wasn't thinking about anything but Connor right now. He knew he could die if he went through that door, but he was doing it anyway. If Connor was dead, what did he have left?

He took Connor's hands and tried to hold them, but they were tight like a mannequin's. He was gonna throw up. He couldn't hear his own voice, he could just feel himself begging Connor to move, to look at him, he knew Connor could push through this.

"My heart..." Connor's mouth wasn't moving. Voice low and robotic. "Hurry."

This was a nightmare. He'd wake up and everything would be okay.

Connor was holding himself back, and using up all his willpower to do so.

Xavier's shaking hands went to Connor's chest, tears blurring his vision.

"I-- can be-- reactivated--" Connor's eyes met Xavier's. "--You-- Can't."

"I love you." Xavier whispered and pressed his hand against the biocomponent--

White hot pain filled his whole arm. His wrist was broken. Oh no. Oh no.

Oh no no no no no.

Connor's tears dripped onto Xavier's shirt. Xavier tried desperately to pull the android's hands away from his neck. He was going to die. Connor was trying so, so hard not to kill him. So hard he was going to overheat and fry himself.

Xavier managed to free himself and snatched Connor's heart out.

"We'll be-- okay--" he sounded relieved, despite his hands still trying to get the heart back. "darling-- I-- I promise-se-se..."

Gunshots filled the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lack of caffeine will do it to ya


	50. The End

"Yeah... He should be finished up by next week. I hope." That was poor Hank's voice. Why he wasn't with Connor right now was a mystery. "The boy, though, I dunno... They think it'll be a few months for him to get finished with the physical therapy and all that shit. ... Yeah. Don't get me started on the mental therapy." he chuckled, then sighed deeply. "Thanks for the check-in, Kara. I'll keep ya updated."

Hank put his phone down. Rubbed his eyes. Temples. And swigged down his pineapple soda like it was beer. Then met eyes with Xavier and jumped.

"Jesus, kid, you scared me." he breathed. "How're ya feelin'?"

Waking up in the hospital when the last thing you remember was the love of your life trying to kill you and then lots and lots of gunshots... was scary.

"Hi Hank. Sorry." his voice was weak. His body hurt. He couldn't feel his hand. "Is... Are you okay?"

"As much as I can be after all that." he said lightly. "Not my first time seein' ya covered in Connor's blood. But hopefully the last. Good news is, you're pretty much in one piece."

"What about Connor?"

"Being repaired. That bitch really did a number on him." he took a shaky breath and handed Xavier a tie. Connor's tie. Inside of it was a golden coin.

Oh.

"Not only that, but security filled him with bullets--" Hank slammed his chair back and pointed furiously at Xavier, who was trying to process this. "What the * _fuck_ * were you thinking going in there, dumbass??" he demanded. "What if he fucking * _killed_ * you, huh?"

"Well, I'd be dead." He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Real fucking funny, bastard."

"I was scared." Xavier said, looking at the snow through the big window. "I thought he just shut down... Like that TE900." it was hot in here. Hard to breathe. "I knew I would probably die if I went in there. But guess what?" he snorted and shrugged. "I'm still alive! So's Connor! And so are you! And wanna know what else?"

Hank waited patiently.

"I can't feel my right hand. Just my hand. Not gonna look at it, nope, no sir." he shook his head and put his arms under the blankets, careful of the IV in his arm. "Heh. Wow. Crazy, huh?"

÷

Connor was awake.

He wasn't sure he wanted to be.

He wasn't sure if he deserved to be.

His skin reactivated over the freshly repaired plastic.

"Where's my family?" Connor asked quietly. The room was stark white. Almost blinding. Not android heaven, if he even deserved going there.

"We haven't called them yet, RK800. We still have a lot of tests to run on you."

Better safe than sorry. But all he wanted to do was cry.

÷

"But I liked my hand." Xavier was distant again. "That's my good one. How the fuck am I gonna make latte art with a stump? Don't you have to ask before you take my body parts off?"

"Your fuckin' hand was black, Xavier! There was no saving it." his sentence ended with some regret.

"But... But..." he looked at his hand. "My... Where's Connor? He's not gonna feel bad about this, is he?"

"Mr Spruce, we have a wide variety of options for your bionic hand." the doctor said. "Once your residual limb is healed, we can get you fitted."

"This is real funny..."

He tried to wiggle his fingers. But fingers didn't wiggle.

There wasn't a fist on his arm to clench.

There was no thumb, no pointer finger, no middle finger.

No palm.

Nothing.

Tears blurred his vision suddenly it was hard to breathe.

His hand was completely gone.

A part of him was missing and it wasn't coming back.

÷

Seeing Hank should've brightened him up. Being out of that maddening room phasing in and out of conciousness should've made him feel better.

But being alive after everything felt like a sin.

Why was Hank smiling? Shouldn't he be screaming. Beating him into the ground? He deserved deactivation. A death like all the others.

"Well, son, you got an all-clear!" he beamed. "They updated your security and got you some more bells n' whistles. Here's the manual."

Hank pressed the thin book against the hoodie Connor'd been clutching to his chest.

Connor blinked.

"Why am I free, Hank? Shouldn't I be in jail right now? Or in custody?"

"If it makes you feel any better, they're gonna question the fuck out of you." Hank shrugged, arm around Connor's shoulders once they got in the car. "And the good news, other than Xavier bein' in great condition--"

Connor gasped and gripped the hoodie tightly.

"--is that we tracked that crazy bitch down. Still chasing her, but she won't make it far at all. Even better news-- no more of those freaky killings happened either."

"That doesn't mean they won't start again, lieutenant. It can't be as simple as one person remotely controlling an android. There has to be more to it!"

"Connor. Shut up. We have plenty of people fresh on the case now. You, Xavier, me? We need a break."

"Is he still in the hospital?"

"Yeah. He won't shut the hell up about seein' you again. He really wants us to get into the presents he got us for Christmas."

Connor broke his promise.

He broke his fucking promise.

There was no party. There was no Christmas. There wasn't even a New Year's Eve party.

He leaned against the door and began to weep. Hank pulled him into a warm hug.

+

It wasn't until a weeks worth of questioning was done that Connor got to see Xavier. Fear had its icy grip on him the entire time. The fear that somehow someone would hack into him and turn him into a killer. That he'd see the fear of death flash in Xavier's eyes for the third goddamn time.

It's not like Xavier didn't try to contact him while they were apart. All the messages sent at once once he rebooted that program. There was a LOT of 'i miss u so much babe's and hearts and a lot of talk about plans for the Spring. But Connor wanted to respond in person.

"Oh, I'd recognise that silhouette anywhere." Xavier's voice said through the door.

Oh how Connor's heart raced.

"Can we hide the hands before we let him in?"

Hide the hands...?

Before Connor could connect the dots, he was let into the room. And Xavier was sitting there with a big smile on his face. Hugs. Kisses. Oh jesus, Xavier was here and was his to hold again! As if he deserved Xavier anymore. He could feel Xavier's heart racing, the smile in his neck, the hand running through his hair.

"We're alive, Connor! We're all alive! We're here, we're back! And we ain't gonna fuck it up again!" Xavier was so excited Connor couldn't help but melt in his arms. To get lost in his scent and his skin. To run his plastic fingers along the soft skin. But cold panic began to set in and he pulled back.

"You-- you're not afraid of me? After what I've done? You don't hate me, just a little?"

"No way," Connor wiped the tears from Xavier's cheeks. "I missed you so much, babe. I was so scared when I saw you like that, I just acted on impulse." he explained, tightening his grip on Connor's arm. "I'm so sorry to put you through that."

Connor kissed his lips softly and went to lace their fingers. But Xavier gasped quietly and gave him his other hand.

"When I attacked you... Did I break it?" Connor asked solemnly, LED yellow.

"You didn't do a damn thing."

Connor reached for Xavier's hand.

Or lack of.

Connor had to sit down. Head in his hands. Count to ten. Xavier's alive. He's alive! The family is back!

But his hand is gone.

And it's all your fault.

"Stop that." Xavier said gruffly, taking Connor's chin in his hand. "Seriously. You think I'm gonna sit here and blame you for being possessed and me going in there when I shouldn't have?" he demanded. "You think I'm gonna let you feel bad about this? No fucking way. I knew I would die when I stepped through that fucking door. But I'm not dead. You didn't get destroyed. And Hank didn't kill himself." He sighed deeply, but smiled. It was a peaceful smile. "I'm not afraid anymore, Connor. I'm gonna live my life. It's gonna be us three and Sumo, and my kick-ass new hand."

He went to the hastily 'hidden' hand display and threw the hospital blanket off of them.

"Help me choose one, babe. I like the sick steampunk one, but it doesn't have any sensation." he rubbed his fingers together. Connor could see Xavier trying to point with his other hand. See the realisation flash in his eyes, but the acceptance set back in. "Then there's this one. It's CyberLife, just like yours. It can even turn all white and glowy like yours too. It's a little pricey, but it's got everything. I can even touch you with my android hand." he teased.

Was Xavier still in shock? Or was he really over it so easily? Connor knew it would take a long while for him to recover from everything the past few months, but... Connor would be there for him every step of the way. He'll get his new hand in Spring. Seeing such joy and excitement-- God, it filled Connor with so much love.

Everyone was alive.

And Spring was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot thank you guys enough for sticking with me through all this... every single comment, kudos, view, bookmark... everything!!! thanks for coming through this journey with me and for all the support! i do plan on writing actual fluff pieces with these guys now, but the Caffeine story is done! my first ever completed story!! thank you all so much again!!!!! i wish i could put into words how happy yall have made me
> 
> have a wonderful day/week/year/life, and i'll catch yall next time!


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